Feeling ashamed. AIBU to ask for a kick?(25 Posts)
I'm 5 stone heavier than I was when I was 30.
I'm now 35 with 5 year old twins and a chronic health condition.
I've had a pretty rough 5 years with various stressful life events so losing the baby weight was never a priority .
I stepped on the scales today and I'm so down
I feel so ashamed as my GP has mentioned my weight . I'm a size 14-16 so not overly massive but my BMI is high .
I have tried and tried to lose weight . I have ME and it makes things so difficult when I need every ounce of energy to get through the day.
I'm so upset today and beating myself up about how I got here .
I'm in the middle of trying to figure out a healthy eating plan that will work for me with the constraints of my illness .
My lovely GP obviously thinks I'm a fat waste of space . And I do too .
Kick me please
Have you got access to a dog?? It's the easiest way to add some exercise to your day! I have 3 any of which you can borrow anytime! Just draw a line under your shame and start a positive attitude. .
We don't have a dog or access to a dog .
Unfortunately my ME means I can't walk far or stand for too long without feeling exhausted .
I'm in the same boat for a similar reason. I have slowed down my weight increase by dieting, but without more exercise I cant see any way to lose weight. Other than liposuction.
Oh, poor OP I feel for you. It's tough.
The advice to get, or borrow, a dog is brilliant. Your twins would love it, it would up the "fun quotient" in your family, and the unconditional love of a dog is so comforting. If your health doesn't allow a lot of walking, choose a small one.
You don't need a kick. You need to be a better friend to yourself. Think what you'd say to another woman who told you what you've told us. Then say it to yourself.
Take small steps, in both exercise and eating.
Exercise - you don't have run a marathon to weight. Go for short walks. Can you do thirty minutes, or theee lots of ten minutes a few times a week? Every little bit helps.
Food - write down everything you eat, and then see how you can make changes. A work colleague has lost 5lb simply by cutting out fizzy drinks and biscuits.
Don't use jars of pasta sauce etc. Use passata (tinned tomato aisle) and add herbs, onions and mushroom, or buy chilli passata for stir fries. Look at what cereals you eat and change to one with a lower sugar content. In fact, try and avoid processed foods altogether.
I find having something to aim for helps. I have a 18th birthday domto go to in October, so every time I'm tempted, i,think of that to deter me (planning to buy a new outfit for it).
Small, steady steps and you be fine.
I have a similar issue and what's finally made me stop and think is how as I'm getting older then my weight is undoubtedly going to cause future health problems and possibly shorten my life! I don't want to deprive my children of a mother because I can't control what I eat!!
Sorry that you feel sad OP. My parents have tried the '5,2 diet' and combined they have lost about 9stone (neither of them do any exercise so it was all through the diet). It's a lifestyle choice where they restricted themselves to 500 calories for 2 days of the week and ate and drank as normal the other 5. They had to have a lot of discipline, but it has really worked for them! It might work for you too as you have said long periods of walking etc aren't an option? Best of luck!
I joined Slimming World when I was at my heaviest and it worked for me. My GP actually brought it up and it was the slap I needed. I went from a size 14/16 to a 10 in 6 months without exercise so it is ideal if your ME means exercise would be difficult (I did really get into exercise after I lost the weight but that's besides the point). There is very little weighing/measuring etc. I don't follow it now as just tend to eat well to maintain but it really got me to where I needed to be.
You stepped on the scales and feel down. Fine. Don't let it get any higher. That's your first achievement, not putting more on.
Try Leslie Sansone Walk at Home (DVDs and also YouTube). You can start with a gentle 10/ 15 minute walking workout in your living room and build it up. And it is flexible so you can do it when you feel strong enough and at your own pace. Coupled with healthier eating - you will see a difference. Chin up!
The majority of any weight loss is made through dietary changes rather than exercise and, given the difficulties that you have with ME, I'd put your energy into meal planning.
Whether you favour a protein heavy diet or Mediterranean or whatever takes your fancy, it's a reduction in calories and planning that's your friend.
I am so sure your GP does not think you are a fat waste of space and neither should you think so.
If I want to lose weight the first thing I do is up my water intake. For some reason it makes a difference, maybe because it is helping my metabolism or something. It also makes my skin feel softer and my hair nicer and makes my brain feel clearer, so lots of advantages.
We are rooting for you OP!
If you can't stand for long to exercise what about a chair routine? My friend has MS and her mobility is limited but she manages rosemary Conley ultimate workout DVD as it has a chair routine. Here is a link to one I found on eBay www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Rosemary-Conley-Ultimate-Whole-Body-Workout-DVD-/381486768347?_trksid=p2141725.m3641.l6368. whatever you decide to do take it slow and always at your own pace, remember it took a long while for the weight to go on so it's not unreasonable for it to take a long while for it to come off again. Good luck
Firstly, don't get down as you've already made a start in recognising you want to make a change!!
Have you ever tried a Gluten Free diet? My sister has fibromyalgia which is also an autoimmune disease and sits within the same category as ME! She has tried everything and some days her fatigue meant she couldn't even get out of bed. She switched to a Gluten Free diet about 8 weeks ago and not only has she lost a stone and a dress size, she also feels so much better and hardly has any fibro flairs!! Her Dr also told her that she needs to walk 2 miles a day! Not only is it good with getting her energy levels up, but it's also good time to reflect and have some 'you' time. So grab your trainers, a pedometer and that 2 mile will be over before you know it. I know you might think it's a fad but it honestly works. Worth a try!!
I'm the same size as you, in fact, on my bottom half I need a bit bigger than a 16, but not quite an 18. You should be kinder to yourself. You are busy with twins and could just make some healthier choices. Don't beat yourself up about your size...you have had twins and have a health condition! 14 -16 is by no means fat. Try to do some nice things for yourself...sounds like you deserve it!
Thank you all so much for the replies. They're really helping.
I've been crying all afternoon but I'm totally exhausted after a hard day of resting so that's probably not helping my tears!
I've come up with a plan to try for the next 3 weeks to see how I get on .
Can you tell me what you think ?
It's based around 5:2 but I can't limit calories so much as it really crashes my energy levels so the timings are different:
4pm today I had my "last" pre diet meal .
I will fast right through to 4pm tomorrow where I will have a normal healthy meal with lots of veg .
I'll then fast again from 4pm tomorrow until around the same time the following day.
So all in all I'll be fasting every 24 hours 2-3 times per week but will eat a normal (not necessarily less than 500 cal ) meal .
I'll be using the fasting period from 24 hours after my last meal .
I'll not be restricting calories at my meal time but will be concious of being healthy .
It's the fast period that's important isn't it?
Would I lose weight this way?
In the nicest way possible, your relatively modest dress size is absolutely no indication of your health. I'm guessing you have a petite frame? So people saying a size 16 isn't fat, probably isn't accurate.
Don't panic though, you're hardly over the hill at 35!
As said, there's no need to go mad with this, just chip away at it, You're not going to drop several stone overnight, it will take time, but it is very doable.
Wish you the best of luck
Op I really don't think that's the way to do it! Your sugar levels will drop so much you'll feel dizzy and light headed. It doesn't need to be that hard. I started dieting as I was basically a bit of a pig through summer, eating out a lot and eating crap... why have one mini roll when you can have 5?!
I started dieting last week Monday (no exercise - yet!) and eating only 1300 calories everyday I lost 2 1/2 pounds. I'm also drinking 2 litres of water a day so I rarely feel hungry!
Your plan will work and you will loose weight but I don't think in a good way. I also read eating less that 1200 calories a day will put your body into starvation mode and you'll find it harder to lose
Chin up - you can turn this around always happy to chat if you need. Xxx
Trick is to find a way of eating that will work for you long term, if possible - rather than just a diet. I have found cutting carbs a huge help so I tend to start the day with fried eggs & mushrooms - but but I do accept its different strokes for different folks.
See if you can work some mild strength building / muscle building into your routine too eg pressups against the wall, squats etc but just a few at a time - more muscle i think makes a difference to your overall metabolism.
But most of all work on your self love. You are parenting 5yo twins with a chronic health condition. That is heroic and you should justly feel proud. If you can't get in touch with that pride and self esteem, perhaps that's the place to start
I'm not a dietician so no expert. It does seem that your choice of fasting from 4 to 4 several times a week us a bit severe. With twins to care for, wouldn't regular meals be an option to keep your energy levels constant? The voice in your head (I have one) sounds a bit harsh. (Mine is not my 'friend' and I have learned not to listen to her and tell her to bugger off). Love yourself, love. You sound like a good person who has been through and is going through a lot. Don't beat yourself up. No quick fixes, take care of yourself x
That sounds like quite a drastic plan & extreme plans with that amount of restriction don't usually work long term.
Why not try something like slimming world? Which is really just healthy eating, good home-cooked 'normal' food. You can eat whenever you're hungry & as much as you like of lots of foods. Ime it fits really well with family life.
Your responses are making me wail . Again .
I agree my self esteem is shot. It's been years of feeling so exhausted that a convenience processed meal or a takeaway or something is easier than cooking .
Or when I've had a particularly bad day and I'm feeling down , reaching for the chocolate because once the DC are in bed , I literally have nothing else in my life , because I simply don't have the energy.
Before I became ill I was so active and used to go to the gym whenever I could . Now , I need a lie down after walking up the stairs
I'm keen on the fasting idea as I rarely eat breakfast anyway (I don't like milk or cereals and I don't have time each morning to make eggs ).
I avoid lunch anyway where possible as the mid afternoon slump that most people feel from lunch is so much worse for me due to the ME.
I just need the self control to stick to healthy meals - especially on the days where I can barely clamber out of bed !
Just to clarify , I'd only be fasting for the 24 hour period twice per week - just like 5:2 .
Agree the 5:2 is good, but you need to be eating decent food too. I love my slow cooker for batch cooking curries etc to freeze. Google breakfast muffins, a type of mini quiche baked in a muffin pan, could keep in fridge/freezer for breakfasts.
Oh you poor girl, you sound very low. There is a form of fasting that lots of people do called 16:8, so they eat within an 8 hour window, fast for 16. If you don't like breakfast, you could cut this to 18:6, so eat your meals between maybe 1pm & 7pm, eat 2 instead of 3 meals, that would limit your calories naturally. Eggs are a great source of protein & very filling, an omelette for lunch wouldn't drag you down (I find a heavy lunch makes me sleepy) That may be only 300 cals, then something hearty for dinner, you could allow yourself 600-800 cals, then you'd have maybe 200-400 left for milk in drinks, handful of nuts. If you stick to 1200-1400 calories a day for a week with plenty of water I reckon you'd see 2-4lbs off in the first week. There's lots of us on the weightloss board on a thread about mfp (my fitness pal) some people there have lost anything between 1-5 stone. You'd be very welcome & there's nothing drastic being done, just people watching what they eat & knowing if we stick to that, we'll get there
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