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AIBU that she calls herself aunty?

(164 Posts)
Brandysnaps76 Mon 19-Sep-16 21:25:45

My brother in law has a girlfriend of 14 months. She's significantly younger than he is. It's a large family, with many siblings and nieces/nephews. Since the beginning, she's always referred to herself as 'aunty X' with my own children and the other cousins. She calls them her nieces and nephewsI find this to be...I'm not sure what the word is, maybe presumptious? We do consider her part of the family, but I just find it too soon to be committing to 'aunty'. Me and my husband have been together a long long time, married last years and it was only when i became pregnant with our first (4 now) that other members of the family referred to me as aunty. And up till then I referred to them as my partners nieces and nephews whenever they came up in conversation.
AIBU to be miffed by this? She can be overbearing and in your face at the best of times, but maybe its just me to think that they've not been in a relationship long enough yet to commit to these roles?

ItWentInMyEye Mon 19-Sep-16 21:30:04

Yanbu, my brother in law has been with his current girlfriend 6 months and I spotted an instagram post where she had tagged my daughter as her niece confused I find it weird.

Champagneformyrealfriends Mon 19-Sep-16 21:33:58

I'm married now and still find it weird when my husbands niece and nephews call me auntie confused
I only feel like an auntie to my sisters son. I'd never comment on it but it just feels wrong.

acasualobserver Mon 19-Sep-16 21:34:57

I'd save my energy for more important things.

DerekSprechenZeDick Mon 19-Sep-16 21:36:32

I was brought up with so many aunts and uncles that weren't even related. Mums friends just became aunts and dad's friends uncles

So this isn't weird to me. My brother got with his gf 2 years ago and i let her have the aunty title coz she's ace with him.

If she feels that close to him then I'm fine with it.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Mon 19-Sep-16 21:37:15

Maybe be flattered she thinks so much of the kids?

Ameliablue Mon 19-Sep-16 21:37:35

Don't really see the problem, if you really do consider her part of the family.

Waltermittythesequel Mon 19-Sep-16 21:39:26

Does it matter?

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 19-Sep-16 21:39:52

I asked my own family to not call me aunty x, that word just grates on me so I know this would drive me batshit. I think of all dh's nephews and nieces as just that, dh's and mine are mine. Love them all but I just don't see them as my own and would never refer to myself as aunty.

Just keep calling her by her first name, if she says aunty x just keep saying x, if she pushes it just say "just x is fine" but nicely

OiWithThePoodlesAlready Mon 19-Sep-16 21:39:52

Well you obviously don't consider her part of the family!

It's only a word really. It wouldn't bother me at all.

phillipp Mon 19-Sep-16 21:40:18

We do consider her part of the family, but I just find it too soon to be committing to 'aunty'.

so she is part of the family, but not really?


Omgkitties Mon 19-Sep-16 21:40:57

By young, how young do you actually mean?

My BILs girlfriend has always referred to BILs nieces and nephews as hers too. She's 18.

MyPeriodFeatures Mon 19-Sep-16 21:41:35

Is it cultural?

JellyBelli Mon 19-Sep-16 21:42:41

YANBU. In our family, names of relatives are reserved for actual relatives. Everyone else is a family friend.
I get creeped out by false familiarity.

JagerPlease Mon 19-Sep-16 21:42:47

I'd been with DW for about 14 months when her brother and his wife had their daughter, and I was auntie from the start but I guess it's different when the children came first.

Do you feel that the relationship isn't likely to be long term?

HeddaGarbled Mon 19-Sep-16 21:44:33

Well it is a bit presumptuous of her but I don't think it really matters. Strictly speaking, you weren't auntie either until you got married. It's not a competition. Be nice.

Brandysnaps76 Mon 19-Sep-16 21:49:19

Thanks for the responses, you're all definitely making me think! I know it's not really a big deal but it grates on me. In my family I don't even call my aunts and uncles that, I always use their first names, so I still find it weird to be referred to as aunty myself. I guess I'm bemused because she started using the term herself, maybe if someone actually in the family had referred to her as aunty first I wouldn't be as annoyed?

IzzyIsBusy Mon 19-Sep-16 21:49:44

What does her being younger have to do with it?

merrymouse Mon 19-Sep-16 21:49:49

I think it's fairly normal to call unrelated adults uncle and aunty.

It's s bit weirder to refer to unrelated children as nephews and nieces if you aren't married/in a very long term relationship with their biological uncle/aunt.

Brandysnaps76 Mon 19-Sep-16 21:51:07

Oh and yes, she's 21, I know everybody is different but I was still a bit of an idiot at 21 and certainly not ready to have anybody call me aunty, or start to call myself that within DHs family.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Mon 19-Sep-16 21:52:12

I get creeped out by false familiarity

I agree with you OP. She is not their aunt. I've been with husband almost 30 years. He has 2 nieces and a nephew and I am not their aunt. I have one nephew , my husband is not their uncle.

Actually I hate the prefix "Aunt" anyway. I know what my relationship is to my nephew - why does it have to be referred to?

ShatnersBassoon Mon 19-Sep-16 21:52:35

If you feel she's like family, I don't know why you'd care. It's a bit different to what you're used to, but it's harmless.

My sister is a bit of a pain with this. She says I'm her kids' aunt because I'm related to her, but my husband isn't their uncle because he's not actually related to them confused. Same with her husband, she's always discouraged my children from calling him Uncle Knobhead.

It's just a friendly way to mark someone out as different to all the other adults I think

DerekSprechenZeDick Mon 19-Sep-16 21:52:36

She's an adult then. My sister has been an aunty since she was born and my other sister since she was 8

Not sure how ready you have to be for the term aunty TBH confused

CodyKing Mon 19-Sep-16 21:52:48

My uncles latest lady is Aunty to me and my siblings - we call her Aunty X were all 40s and she's 67 -

It's just the way we are !!!

t4nut Mon 19-Sep-16 21:52:52

I was brought up in the north of england. As a child every adult you knew was your aunty or uncle.

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