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AIBU?

To send DC to different state secondary schools?

36 replies

Sryht · 18/09/2016 22:52

I have a DS in year 8, he is very sporty, so he wanted to go with the secondary school that specialises in sports. There is a school bus from our village.

DS2 is in year 6, so we are looking at schools. He isn't keen on sports at all, so I feel like it would be really mean to send him to a school that does it so much. He isn't keen either. He would rather go to the one that specialises in maths (he is gifted and talented for it). Also a bus.

It's not mean it is? DH thinks it's so much better for them to share the same school (I disagree, I didn't like being at school with my sister) and that DS1 is missing out as its part of being a big brother, getting to teach them about school

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LilyBolero · 18/09/2016 22:54

My eldest 2 go to different secondaries, we chose the school that best fitted each of them, and it's absolutely fine.

VodkaValiumLattePlease · 18/09/2016 22:55

Why does DS1 get to go to a school that specialised in his interests and strengths but his brother doesn't? Just because DS1 would miss out on basically a week of showing his brother around?

Does your husband always favour DS1?

Sryht · 18/09/2016 22:57

Yes, he definitely has a soft spot for DS1, as they share the interest of sport. He's always tried to get DS2 to do it, but he never wants to (which is fair enough) he's probably wanting him to go, to hope that it converts him to like sports

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mumsiedarlingrevolta · 18/09/2016 22:58

My 3 DC all went to different schools (and types of schools) they were all very different and needed different things. It is unfair on any of them to have to go where their sibling goes if another school would suit them better. It does not sound like the same school would suit your DS's. Swap it round-would you send the sporty one to the school the maths one went to if he had gone first? No you wouldn't......

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/09/2016 23:01

Of course it is not "mean" for children to go to different secondary schools. Millions do because they do not have a sibling of the right sex in single sex schools. They all seem to manage ok.

Darkswan · 18/09/2016 23:04

My sister started at the secondary i went to, it wasn't right for her at all and part way through year 7 she moved to another one that suited her.
Send him to the school you think he'll be happiest at.

Tissunnyupnorth · 18/09/2016 23:06

I have 3 children at three different secondaries. Would have been mean to use the younger two as fodder to please the eldest for a week or two!

Headofthehive55 · 18/09/2016 23:06

All four of mine are in different educational establishments at the moment. I just need a larger calendar to write all the different holidays in.

mummymeister · 18/09/2016 23:06

your poor DS2! I hope you haven't had this sort of conversation with him. honestly, he must feel a bit left out. Cant you speak up for him and tell you dh that no he should go to the school that suits HIM best.

look realistically the 2 of them aren't going to see each other at all on a day to day basis. they might pass in the corridor but that will be the limit of it. brothers don't socialise with each other in school. they will not want to. and "someone to show him round" really??? that sounds a bit pathetic as a reason doesn't it. how long is that going to take 30 minutes, an hour. and this for the next 7 years in a school that doesn't suit him.

Why should the younger brother just been seen as an extension of his older sibling?

I think you already know that your ds2 needs to go to a different school and should be firm with your dh. I would have been livid if I had been made to go to my siblings school just so my older siblings could "teach me about school" - whatever that means!

what a shame that some parents find it so hard to celebrate the differences between their children and just want mini mes.

essie100 · 18/09/2016 23:09

My eldest 2 are at different secondary schools- they went to the ones that suited them best.

louisejxxx · 18/09/2016 23:12

I would consider it as well when my two are older - as long as there's a bus for each and I can get them to the relevant bus stops for them then should all be fine.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 18/09/2016 23:13

I'm the oldest of 3, we all went to different secondary schools, don't think it's that unusual. You pick the school that best fits the child surely? (whether they get a place or not is of course a different story)

BieneBiene · 18/09/2016 23:15

I'm the oldest of 4 and we all went to different secondary schools too. I never felt like I was missing out by not having my brothers there. I don't think I would have liked it much actually.

ImissGrannyW · 18/09/2016 23:21

Bloody hell - you live somewhere where you are in catchment for 2 state schools, one brilliant for maths and one brilliant for sport?????

Your house must be worth a gazillion

Sryht · 18/09/2016 23:29

Actually, our house isn't worth that much we don't live that close to the schools, it's because they have school buses. We also have a school that specialises in Engineering, that were in catchment for then grammars too... I don't know why there are so many bloody secondaries!

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HeddaGarbled · 18/09/2016 23:35

You are right and your H is wrong. He thinks DS1 will miss out because part of being a big brother is teaching your siblings about school? What a bizarre opinion. Does he not care about the younger one missing out on a school which will develop his already identified talent for maths?

Properly nurtured and recognised and supported, success in maths is going to take DS2 a heck of a lot further in life than being good at sport, unless DS1 turns out to be a superstar. Adolescents and overgrown adolescents value being good at sports but it's the academically successful kids who are more successful professionally and financially in the long run.

GrumpyMummy123 · 18/09/2016 23:36

My sister and I were only 1 school year different and went to different secondary schools. We have very different personalities. Suited us. We were both happy and enjoyed school. Her at the girls grammar, me at the mixed comprehensive. During our teenage years we didn't get on particularly well and hated being compared etc. It was lovely to be independent and have separate friends.

I could walk to school and my sister got the bus. I can't remember our parents finding it inconvenient.

Although it was very definitely our choice. I think my mum was initially a bit disappointed I got a place but chose not to go to grammar school, but she got over it!

Normandy144 · 18/09/2016 23:38

I went to a different secondary school to my younger sibling. Despite me already being there, they weren't offered a place and so got wait listed. In the meantime another equally good school offered a place and so that was accepted. I think eventually a place at my school was offered but sibling was happy to stick with the first offer. It didn't do either us any harm.

CecilyP · 18/09/2016 23:41

I think if you can manage the logistics, and it sounds as if you can with the buses, it makes sense to send DS2 to the school that would suit him. Your DH's reasoning sounds nuts, what is DS1 really supposed to teach him about his school. I had a friend who was one of 8; I don't know anything about the eldest 2, but the other 6 managed 7 secondary schools between them (one overlap and 2 attending 2 different schools).

BackforGood · 18/09/2016 23:54

YWouldBe v U to send dc2 to a school that doesn't suit them when you have an option available that does suit them - what is he thinking ?

altiara · 19/09/2016 00:29

YANBU! Let DS2 make the choice too, I enjoyed being at the same school as my DB but there was only 1 choice of school in our village or travelling which I said no to.
My DD is in yr6 and i need to choose the school that's right for her not for her brother.

BillSykesDog · 19/09/2016 03:40

That's fine. A lot of siblings don't go to the same school. Particularly if they are single sex. It's normal and not a big deal.

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DDManchildMeandTheCat · 19/09/2016 07:50

I do wish my mum had given my brother and I a choice of schools instead of the one she chose and wanting us to be "together".

Had she sent me to a school more able to support me with my dyspraxia I may not have been so badly bullied and be left with no self-confidence now. The school suited my brother but not me.

Go for it, I'm sure your children will thank you for it when they grow up.

HereIAm20 · 19/09/2016 09:21

You do realise that it is a fantasy that the older child will look after the younger at school don't you? They will do all they can to avoid/ignore the child.

Echo everyone else - always chose the school that is the best fit for that particular child.

Sofabitch · 19/09/2016 09:25

Mine all go to different schools. Its no problem. They are pretty independent. At senior school age so it'd not like you have to be in 2 places at once.

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