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I know IABU but really fed up about my birthday

(17 Posts)
yorkshapudding Sun 18-Sep-16 12:46:36

It's my birthday this week. We've just found out that DH has to go away for three nights for work and this falls over my birthday. There is no way he can get out of it. I don't blame him in the slightest, these things happen.

My two closest friends have both emigrated in the last couple of years which has been hard. I don't really have any good friends locally, just acquaintances. I am close to my family and would normally see them on or around my birthday but they're abroad at the moment due to my DF's work.

So, I will be spending my birthday looking after a toddler (who is currently miserable with a lingering throat infection and in the throes of the terrible two's) then sitting in the house on my own once she's in bed.

I don't know why I'm feeling so down about it, I'm not the sort of person who likes a big fuss on their birthday anyway, normally we just have a family dinner or DH and I go out for a meal or maybe out for the day, that sort of thing.

I am fully aware that this is a pathetic thing to be upset about but I can't seem to stop being fed up about it all the same sad Feel free to tell me to get a grip please!

DerekSprechenZeDick Sun 18-Sep-16 12:51:24

I'd tell you to get a grip but it's my birthday Saturday and I'll be 38 weeks pregnant. No partner and family working.

There's a big festival that day so all friends are going I was meant to but 10 week ago a baby appeared in my womb

I'm not doing a thing for it. So I totally get it.

Could you do something when your partner gets back?

TaterTots Sun 18-Sep-16 12:55:01

Your birthday is the one day of the year that, as an adult, you're allowed to do what you want and be made a fuss of, so of course you feel a bit down. Is there any way you can make it a bit more special when your partner gets back - make it about the celebration rather than the day itself, if that makes sense?

This summer I went to work on my birthday for the first time ever. Some colleagues were genuinely shocked that I hadn't booked the day off, but it was a Tuesday, I'd been off a couple of days a week earlier to travel to see a concert... it just felt like a waste of holiday. I had a lovely night out that weekend instead. Treat yourself to a takeaway, a tub of Haagen Dazs or whatever you'd really enjoy, then do something nice with your partner when he gets back smile

Gizlotsmum Sun 18-Sep-16 12:55:34

Grab your favourite meal, drink, movie and snacks and indulge yourself.

AlpacaLypse Sun 18-Sep-16 12:56:21

Rent a really good movie that DH wouldn't fancy. Get a bottle of wine. And watch it with some of us cheering you on.

And have a lovely unbirthday when he gets home and (hopefully) the toddler will be feeling better.

Here's some flowers chocolate and wine to kick start you off!

AlpacaLypse Sun 18-Sep-16 12:57:25

Argh I forgot the most important bit!


EnterFunnyNameHere Sun 18-Sep-16 12:59:15

I don't think yabu to be upset, it's not like you're blaming anyone, just feeling down!

When my DP's or my own birthday falls on a work day, or a busy weekend, we make an alternative day the "birthday" and do all the presents, cake, going out or whatever on that day instead. Would that be an option?

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Sun 18-Sep-16 13:12:11

Yanbu to be fed up. My DP is also away for a week on business on my birthday later in the month so we will have to celebrate when he gets back. He would have like to work round it, but timing meant it was that week so family stuff had to wait.

TBH, even as a kid, I had a party at the weekend, not on the actual day and at Christmas I think I enjoy the other days just as much as the real Xmas day. DP and I sometimes do a separate celebration with our respective DCs so that on the actual day they can spend time with their other parents. The date doesn't really matter at all.

DS1 occasionally moves his bday so that he can have his presents at the weekend rather than on the day of his bday when he has to go to work! I'm ok doing that.

Enjoy your day, maybe try and meet up for a coffee and cake with someone or take yourself off for a treat on your own in the daytime, then indulge in a a movie and takeaway etc in the evening and look forward to celebrating again when your DH comes home xx

trufflehunterthebadger Sun 18-Sep-16 13:28:14

YABU. Do people really make a fuss over adult birthday ? I dont think DH have spent either birthday together for years - opposing shift patterns mean we are rarely off together.

I was on a late shift for my 40th birthday.

Seekingadvice123 Sun 18-Sep-16 13:33:54

YANBU and it's a shame people think you are. Just because you are an adult does not mean you shouldn't have a special day.... you came into the world. It's not about making a 'fuss' but acknowledging it.
Echo PP's who have said get a good film and some yummy food and spoil yourself. Sorry you are feeling down about it OP flowers

SlinkyVagabond Sun 18-Sep-16 13:37:19

Was mine yesterday, spent it moving dd into student digs, involving playing Tetris getting all her shite in the car, a hot drive, getting lost and hotter and sweatier driving round Manchester, unpacking all shite, walking across town for food and getting huge blisters on my heels then back. No presents, two of my grown up kids didn't even wish me happy birthday. Dh is working tonight, I'm going to my lovely clean empty bed with some posh beer and chocolate to watch a film.
Happy birthday, do something nice for yourself. 🍨🎉🍾🎂

yorkshapudding Sun 18-Sep-16 14:51:42

truffle I don't really expect/want a "fuss". Just to spend part of the day with friends, family or my DH would have been nice that's all. But as I said in my OP it's nobodys fault and I do realise it's a silly thing to be fed up about.

yorkshapudding Sun 18-Sep-16 14:54:21

Slinky happy birthday for yesterday. Hope your DD is settling into Uni ok and enjoy the posh beer and chocolate, it sounds well deserved flowers

chocolateworshipper Sun 18-Sep-16 21:52:46

As I have just advised another poster, if the Queen can have two birthdays, why can't you. This week is the anniversary of the day you were born - which will be a fairly quiet day (but why not buy yourself a disgustingly huge bar of chocolate and get a DVD to watch that DH would HATE). Your OFFICIAL birthday, however, will be a massive celebration where your DH will spoil you rotten.

cake for both days

Rarotonga Sun 18-Sep-16 22:00:13

I agree with other posters, celebrate on another day when your dp is back smile Open your cards and presents on that day, plan some lovely things and enjoy them together. And on your actual birthday you could always make sure you have something nice for dinner, watch a film you'd like to see and do something nice and relaxing.

YippeeTeenager Sun 18-Sep-16 22:08:46

It sounds as though realising that you'll be spending your birthday on your own is making you feel a bit lonely in life? If two close friends have emigrated recently that's a big deal, and it's special days without favourite people that really bring it home to us how much we miss them. Spoil yourself on your birthday. Treat yourself to a new outfit/ some new beauty products/ haircut/ chocolate or whatever else makes you feel pampered and then after your birthday maybe make an effort to find some new friends in a gentle way. You sound lovely so I'm sure you'll have no trouble. YANBU just a bit sad and that's perfectly OK flowers

Muddlingthroughtoo Sun 18-Sep-16 22:09:38

You and your toddler should do something different, go out for a meal to a nice restaurant, go to the cinema, go swimming, to the zoo etc. You can still have. Special day x

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