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Not Wanting To Leave

(403 Posts)
ArmyMumToBabyGirl Fri 16-Sep-16 13:22:34

I will try and keep this long winded story as short as poss as to not bore everyone to death!
Me and my partner have known eachother for 11 years, been together for 2, he joined the army the second week we got together.
We have a 1 year old daughter too now.
I live with my parents (I'm 24 and have chronic back pain due to curvature of the spine from a car accident 5 years ago)!
My partner is now calling me "less committed" because I won't get married quarters with him, which is 2 hours away from my friends and family.
I also won't get a house around where I live, because I don't want to live by myself for 5 nights a week until he's back at the weekend - to pay bills and mortgage on a house that's slept in 2 nights a week.
He's informed me he has no plans to propose until we live together... so is calling me less committed because of this.

Can anyone understand my side?

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 16-Sep-16 13:27:50

Honestly? I can't see your side, but there may be reasons. I can totally see his point though. I think he's sensible. Even if you were married, what would you do? Continue living with your parents? And why would a house you bought end up being slept in only 2 nights a week?

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 16-Sep-16 13:28:42

Sorry I meant to add - sensible to not get married until you live together. It's a big step.

redskytonight Fri 16-Sep-16 13:30:23

- you won't live in a house that's not near your family/friends
- you won't live in a house where you're on your own for a few days a week

How do you see your long term future with someone in the army?

Nanny0gg Fri 16-Sep-16 13:32:32

Are you planning on living with your parents forever?

How do they help you?

ArmyMumToBabyGirl Fri 16-Sep-16 14:04:36

If we got a house near both our parents - he'd still be away Monday to Friday.
I certainly wouldn't stay in a house by myself for 5 days a week, I wouldn't feel safe at all!
Yes I knew he wasn't going into the army, but that was his choice. Why should I be punished and taken away from all my friends and family - because of the job he's taken on and wants to do?
He would still have all his mates down in married quarters - and I'd have no one? At all!
How is that remotely fair?

ArmyMumToBabyGirl Fri 16-Sep-16 14:06:01

No I don't plan on living with my parents forever ...
But I will not be forced to leave everyone I know to be completely isolated .. because he wants to be in the army?
If I got a job far away, I would never expect him to up and leave everyone for me! I think it's incredibly selfish!
I also wouldn't ask him to pay bills and a mortgage on a house that would be lived in twice a week!

PurpleWithRed Fri 16-Sep-16 14:08:10

What RedSky says. How long is he planning to stay in the army?

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 16-Sep-16 14:08:41

He went into the army as soon as you met him. You knew that. Also you wouldn't spend nights alone? And you sound quite resentful. You also seem very immature and selfish. If you didn't like it why have a child? Or is that ok cos you can stay at your parents and not have to grow up? Poor bloke.

ArmyMumToBabyGirl Fri 16-Sep-16 14:11:48

Shit sorry, I meant to add - if you're just going to be a wrongly opinionated judgmental c**t - please leave your comments to yourself grin.
I'm not resentful. I'm also not immature or selfish.
I had a baby with him because we've known eachother for 11 years and love eachother?
What woman would feel remotely safe in a house with just her and a baby?
Poor bloke my ass - I'm being demanded to move out when either option is beneficial to me or my daughter?

redskytonight Fri 16-Sep-16 14:12:29

You mention back pain - do you have specific disabilities/limitations that make it hard for you to live on your own?

Because otherwise (and actually even if you do) it's extremely odd that a 24 year old would choose to live with her parents rather than her partner, who she's known for a long time and with whom she's had a child!

What age are you planning to move away from your parents? What do they think about you living with them?

RebootYourEngine Fri 16-Sep-16 14:12:56

Where does he live now? Does he live with you and your parents?

Why wont you feel safe in a house by yourself?

I have lived alone for 9 years amd have had no problems. I even fell down the stairs and still managed to get up and phone for a lift to the hospital.

RebootYourEngine Fri 16-Sep-16 14:14:59

My parents have been broken into a few times yet i havent and i live alone with my ds.

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 16-Sep-16 14:15:46

I'm a woman. I felt safe alone with a baby. I was married to a soldier. But I was an adult at that age. You really do sound very young and indulged. And highly strung.

ArmyMumToBabyGirl Fri 16-Sep-16 14:15:55

Yes, I am classed as disabled. I have a blue badge and specialist reports confirming this.
I'm on horrendous amounts of painkillers, my spine is curved from a car accident and there isn't a second of the day I'm not in excruciating pain.
The help is beneficial from my parents & they love having their granddaughter live with them!
I'm not being childish not wanting to move out, I completely disagree with that.
Wherever I live - I would still be by myself looking after our daughter.
So what's the point?

Dazedandconfusedtoomuchpeppa Fri 16-Sep-16 14:17:03

It doesn't sound like you are willing to compromise. Is your workplace near your parents?

Rumpelstiltskin143 Fri 16-Sep-16 14:18:03

Sorry, but I agree with the others, you sound like you're 12. You have a child to look after, grow up, you'd rather live with Mummy than the child's father, why on earth did you have the child.

Wineandrosesagain Fri 16-Sep-16 14:18:04

Not sure what the point of your question is? You clearly don't think you're being unreasonable.

TheEmmaDilemma Fri 16-Sep-16 14:18:18

Why can't you live alone in married quarters or your own house 5 days a week? How debilitating is your back pain?

You knew within 2 weeks of being together this would be the case, but went on to have a child anyway?

As I understand it within married quarters there is a strong sense of community between the wives.

YelloDraw Fri 16-Sep-16 14:18:22

What woman would feel remotely safe in a house with just her and a baby

Are you for real? You need a man at home or the big bad wolf will come and get you? Thats a bit pathetic.

LittleBearPad Fri 16-Sep-16 14:18:23

I think he's got a point.

You knew he was in the army, pretty much as soon as you got together and long before you had a child.

I don't understand why you couldn't live alone during the week or why if you moved to married quarters you can't imagine making your own friends.

ArmyMumToBabyGirl Fri 16-Sep-16 14:19:15

With all due respect, there isn't an ounce of immaturity to me.
I think having stated if it was the other way round - I wouldn't force him to leave everyone he knows to move away.
At the ages of 24 & 25 in this day and age, housing is not cheap and with me being disabled and him being in the army, I truthfully think it would be a waste of money paying a mortgage just for him to come home for 2 nights a week and call it "home"?

Wineandrosesagain Fri 16-Sep-16 14:19:16

and FYI, many females live alone, or as a single parent, we don't all need to have a man in the house to feel safe - that's plain daft.

sianihedgehog Fri 16-Sep-16 14:19:16

Err, like 99% of women would feel safe alone in a house overnight with a baby, wtf?! I don't know a single woman who wouldn't. I spent the first night at home alone with my baby when he was a week old ffs.

Wineandrosesagain Fri 16-Sep-16 14:19:16

and FYI, many females live alone, or as a single parent, we don't all need to have a man in the house to feel safe - that's plain daft.

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