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Honest answers needed

(77 Posts)
Bonny1980 Fri 16-Sep-16 00:22:46

There was a post on FB from a friend / more of an acquaintance earlier of 20 professional looking perfectly styled photos of their new kitchen dining extension, detailing how hard and incredibly stressful not to mention messy the building process had been, and a follow up post and pic of the couple chinking their prosecco with their 2 perfect angels in their arms, insert "team family name lots of hashtags new beginnings can't wait to put the Christmas decorations up" etc.

Then the instant likes and comments that ran up to hundreds. Omg it's amaze you should be so proud blah blah. Sorry but isn't it just showing off as we used to say at school in the 80's? It just doesn't seem real, it's like being presented with a glossy brochure and you'll never get to know the real person under all the peacocking. I don't seem to meet real people any more, you chat at the school gates and they seem nice and genuine, then they turn into caricatures of themselves online and I am seriously losing hope that there are other people out there who don't want to talk all day about new kitchens and wallpaper, cars, holidays, who don't want the undertones of competing over everything all the times.

Tell me is it real? Is that what it's all about for you? Maybe it's just where we're living, we seem to be in a bit of a stepford wives (and husbands and children) identikit community round here. This is the norm here, and then presenting it all polished on Facebook. Is it like that everywhere else and is this just the norm now? I don't know if I'm just old before my time because I do sound like my Gran, maybe I just need to get used to it and try not to get so frustrated by the competing and consumerism, because I can't seem to meet anyone else not following the latest trends and trying to live the perfect life round here or online from what I see. It's really bothering me for some reason. Anyone else?

Buzzardbird Fri 16-Sep-16 00:35:15

It's not everyone, just a sad few. They crave the 'likes'.
I have met some wonderful women at the school gates and we are friends on FB, something we share is astonishment at the FB bragging and pouty faces of people in their 30/40/50s, but it's only a small section of people compared to those that don't.

Pumpkintopf Fri 16-Sep-16 00:37:53

Interact with real people in real life op and stay off FB. I had a friend whose family life was complete chaos, think toddler playing with poo instead of playdoh, teen kids being brought home by police- but all you saw on FB was 'wonderful family walks at West Wittering ' etc. She had a thing for filling her walks with perfect Venture photos too- they looked great except in real life her house/family were nothing like that!

DixieWishbone Fri 16-Sep-16 00:41:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpareASquare Fri 16-Sep-16 00:45:59

Sounds like a lovely pic to me. I see nothing wrong with what they've done in what you've written. If someone elses happiness/success/whatever bothers you why not just unfriend OP.
People get prof pics all the time. Kids, family, pets. No diff really

e1y1 Fri 16-Sep-16 00:48:20

Social media is a funny world. It has changed everything, from how we interact with each other, to how we view ourselves.

It's human nature to want to be liked and respected, and for most people, social media gives them that - the likes, the comments with "jealousy" between the lines etc.

Tis sad, but true. But, as with anything in life; some people are very into social media and some aren't whatsoever. I very rarely, if ever, post anything to Facebook unless it is something really big (birth, wedding etc).

Don't let what people portray online put you off meeting and getting to know people, it is just a website and of course people want to portray themselves in the best possible light. Decide for yourself IRL if the person is worth knowing/being a friend.

blinkowl Fri 16-Sep-16 01:19:38

Bonny1980 my Facebook feed is full of politics, wry humour, funny feminist podcasts, friends bantering with each other, sharing amazing art, funny stories and cool stuff - oh and holiday pics, baby news and sadly bereavements and discussions of health issues. Only one pouty face - but everyone takes the piss when she does it! And she happily tells us all to fuck off and does it again.

No new kitchens, cars or wallpaper.

This is not meant as a boast, but in solidarity.

It's not you, it's them!!

There are people out there who don't post that shit, you need to get out there and find them! Could you move?! Only half in jest - our current town is very Tory mainstream and I long to be somewhere a bit more open minded.

In general I think you're right about society becoming more slick and consumerist though. People are more concerned with this stuff than in the 80s, at least that's how it seems to me anyway. Just look at the mainstream pop stars for one - they're all so fucking slick these days. But even many of mainstream pop groups in the 80s often had a bit of a raw edge in how they presented themselves, do you know what I mean?

ScarlettSahara Fri 16-Sep-16 01:39:07

Well I kind of agree with e1y1.
I believe most people like approval in some shape or form from others ( and to a varying degree). FB seems to exaggerate this somehow.

I feel uncomfortable posting about what my daughter has achieved because it can feel a bit as though I am living vicariously through her & yet she suffers terribly with self-esteem so I will occasionally post things about her in a low key way & family members are kind enough to comment & hopefully give her a boost.

I have a friend though who continually posts about her daughters with comments like "I have a budding artist / sportswoman" etc when face to face she is good company & not like this at all.

There is something about fb posts though ...
Some of it can be read as just keeping in touch with distant relatives & friends & showing what you are up too & some of it does come across to me as boasty in a way that the poster needs to let you know that they must be successful cos their kids are- BIL's posts are mostly like this.

Kitchen lady may just be proud of her kitchen! Not something I would post but we are all different! I would be tempted to give her a chance OP .

ScarlettSahara Fri 16-Sep-16 01:53:26

Forgot to add that as Dixie said, people present the 'glossy' side of themselves a lot on facebook.
I would not go on fb to moan about DD's raging hormones & the arguments we've had so as a result you would get to see the 'best' of our family life IYSWIM. Neither would I mention how my chronic illness is getting me down that day.
Behind closed doors is a very different reality. Anyway OP keep searching because it is lovely to make friends.

iminshock Fri 16-Sep-16 02:08:20

Agree with op.
Total showing off.

Beeziekn33ze Fri 16-Sep-16 02:12:11

Just unfriend!

Italiangreyhound Fri 16-Sep-16 02:12:27

Maybe it is showing off, but not sure what else some people use Facebook for. It could be showing off new baby, or new relationship status etc.

BUT.. I don't like Proseco, my kids don't like to be photographed and my kitchen looks like a relic of the 70s.

So try not to worry what people post on line and enjoy your own life. I tend to only read the things that interest me on line and kitchens just aren't it.

crazywriter Fri 16-Sep-16 02:14:51

I guess I'm in the minority and don't see it as showing off. The world has changed with social media.

But then in thousands of miles away from family. I post about achievements and updates so both mine and my DHs family can see. My DM and DF have FB but not WhatsApp or anything so can't do that. Other friends of mine are the same. It's a tool to keep ppl updated.

I also go by the rule of if you don't like something just scroll past/unfollow/unfriend it really is that simple.

phillipp Fri 16-Sep-16 06:46:24

Back in the 80s and 90s, people got a new kitchen and then Invited people round to show off.

The whole point of the inviting people round was to show off the new kitchen, sofa, bathroom.

Things haven't changed at all. How we do it has.

Back on the 80s or 90s people invited people round to look at hundreds of holiday photos. Most of which were of anything or not developed properly. Now a lot of people don't, they put them on FB.

Fb is for sharing stuff. If they want to share their new kitchen, that's up to them. Some people share photos of their dog, kids etc. Is that showing off?

I find it odd that someone would be judged so much for a photo of a kitchen and them celebrating it. Or even for getting too many likes. And then dress the judging up as a dislike of consumerism or something morally superior.

This is like the thread where the op felt everyone on FB was competitions with her to prove they were having the best summer holidays, by posting pictures of a picnic or trip to the park. In reality, they were just enjoying their summer.

APlaceOnTheCouch Fri 16-Sep-16 06:52:43

Things haven't changed at all. How we do it has
Social media doesn't have the warmth of a personal interaction so detail can be lost but I think people have always chatted about their lives and homes. I wouldn't see a kitchen post as boasting. I'd think they're pleased the work is finally finished.

Ledkr Fri 16-Sep-16 07:30:59

I think there's a difference between sharing news and acting like the kardashians about everything.
I've come off insta gram because my (normally down to earth and balanced) sister and sil have turned into weird yummy mummy's. Posting endless pictures of bumps and babies (still nice and normal) but with vinyl inducjng captions.
#littleman #perfecthubby #famiilylife
My sis posts pics of nutritious baby meals likecAnnabel Karmel and the other day some words of wisdom about "us mummies need me time too, important to take a break from mummy duties" sil is worse!
Dh and I can't believe who our sisters have become online.

FurryTurnip Fri 16-Sep-16 07:35:40

They are shallow twats. Ignore them.

And I can highly recommend ditching Facebook. I did it about two months ago and it has improved my metal health no end. And I haven't missed out on anything. Apart from endless photos of kids in school uniforms of course!

FurryTurnip Fri 16-Sep-16 07:36:28

And my mental health too, not just my metal health!

firawla Fri 16-Sep-16 07:37:32

I think it's fine to post the new kitchen. It might be done a bit to show off but I'm sure their family and friends do want to see it. We just had ours done. I didn't post it on FB but lots of family were whatsapping for photos as they can't visit yet. It's normal to share and be excited and if one of my friends had a new kitchen on FB I'd probably be happy for them and like to have a nosy at the pics! The hashtags and team name etc may be a bit ott though

SandyY2K Fri 16-Sep-16 07:47:34

That's social media for you. With the ease of sharing what's going on in your life, you see people telling you what they had for breakfast to how little Poppy is potty trained. In actual fact most of your friends don't really care about Poppy being outof nappies, it's a milestone for you as the mum.

I'd call it pride rather than showing off personally. They like their new kitchen and want others to see it.

It really doesn't bother me though. Friends will post their new loft conversion and stuff like that.

SandyY2K Fri 16-Sep-16 07:50:28

So much judgement on here for posting a pic of one's new kitchen. Being called a twat. That's just crazy.

Bagina Fri 16-Sep-16 07:51:22

I agree with Ledkr; show everyone a picture of your new kitchen if you want, but don't think you're in a Hello magazine spread. If people were just normal about life it would be fine. Everything is so contrived.

Hermanfromguesswho Fri 16-Sep-16 07:52:41

It sounds really normal to me. If I had a new kitchen id be telling my friends, 'it was stressful having it done with the 2 little ones, but we are so pleased with it. Can't wait till Christmas etc. '
Just because it's on fb rather than rl doesn't suddenly make it offensive to be excited about something.
What do you post on fb out of interest?

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 16-Sep-16 08:07:07

It's not how I would do it but it's the way the world seems to be going these days, so you'd probably better start getting used to it.

bookwormnerd Fri 16-Sep-16 08:11:41

Surely its them just being proud and they see as an achievement. Its not something I would do but then my social media is just the odd photo of the kids for family to see. I just dont understand getting hung up when others post. My family asked for photos when we had conservatory built, we did through email but is no different really. Its stressful having home improvements and balancing I with living. I have friends every day sharing photo of house they have just bought, first homes, pictures of children and holidays they have been on. All could be seen as boasting but in reality it is people sharing there lifes with those they love especially in a work where we live increasingly live away from family. Just scroll past. Live and let live

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