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Tell me to get a grip and stop reading into this

(30 Posts)
Hoppityfuckingvoosh Thu 15-Sep-16 19:31:49

It's pathetic and I know it doesn't matter. I'm old enough not to care, but I do.
It's my birthday and DH has bought me presents. So far, so good. We make a big deal of birthdays as I never really got them growing up (too poor) and he had so many siblings it was always hand me downs (also really poor)
We are doing ok financially; things could always be better, but that's the case for most.
All of my presents are from primark and catagorically 'un-me'. I detest primark because the clothes don't fit and don't last. DH knows this. I have a few select places where clothes fit (I'm an odd shape and size) and primark isn't one of them. Nothing against the brand, it's just not suitable for me.
I know exactly what's happened. He's left it to the last minute and gone into the closest shop he can that's nearest his work at lunch time. He has literally picked the first things he's seen.
I'm really hurt because I go to such effort and I've just been an afterthought. He's spent weeks shopping to make goodie-bags for a work weekend away (think monogrammed and personalised shit) for the whole company, and I get stuff that a) doesn't fit b) would never wear (satin baseball jacket and matching cap? I'm 35 ffs)
I know it doesn't matter. It's just a birthday and at least he's bought something. I know this. But it's the presents themselves which scream "couldn't give a flying fuck" and, in my opinion, are worse that just saying "I didn't know what to get, how about a nice dinner?"
Tell me I'm being stupid and selfish and a big baby. Tell me to grow up and get over it. I'm really irrationally upset and need to stop it.

hownottofuckup Thu 15-Sep-16 19:35:15

I don't think you are being stupid or selfish or a big baby. A satin baseball jacket and matching cap is a really really shit present! Which part of it are you supposed to be grateful for exactly?

Muddlingthroughtoo Thu 15-Sep-16 19:35:56

I'd be hurt too, ynbu.

ihatethecold Thu 15-Sep-16 19:37:05

Not good really. Surely he must know your taste in clothes.

damngirl Thu 15-Sep-16 19:38:00

I'm sorry but those presents are absolutely hilarious and I can see why you're annoyed

gleam Thu 15-Sep-16 19:40:30

I think it does matter.

Crunchymum Thu 15-Sep-16 19:40:40

I'd sooner no gift than shit I don't want / like / doesn't fit.

We either don't do gifts if we're skint at Xmas for example we agree no gifts for each other or we give a few suggestions.

Not romantic but avoids disappointment like this.

Is this symptomatic of other issues OP? Are you feeling taken for granted / insignificant in other aspects of the relationship?

Hoppityfuckingvoosh Thu 15-Sep-16 19:40:48

There's also a see through shirt.

Hoppityfuckingvoosh Thu 15-Sep-16 19:41:07

Just to reiterate. I'm 35, not 15

MapMyMum Thu 15-Sep-16 19:41:12

YANBU tell him nicely how disappointed you are and remind him how much effort and thought hes put into those work goodie bags....

HopefulHamster Thu 15-Sep-16 19:43:02

I'm sure he could've found nicer stuff in there if he'd actually tried. Id be hurt too.

DonaldStott Thu 15-Sep-16 19:46:52

I would be really upset that he had put all that effort into colleagues and bought that absolute shite for you.


AmeliaJack Thu 15-Sep-16 19:50:29

With Amazon and online shopping there is really no excuse.

I would have a (calm) discussion about how disappointed you are at the lack of thought. Take everything back and go choose something else together.

On the bright side you'll be able to tease him about this stuff for 30 years or so.

Itsseweasy Thu 15-Sep-16 19:51:30

When you say you both make a big deal of birthdays - is it really "both" of you, or do you spoil him rotten and then he panicks about how to so the same for you, nothing seems good enough, so he leaves it to the last minute and buys a whole load of stuff which he hopes will do?
I had an ex like this and while I enjoyed spoiling him on his birthday I always felt sorry for him as he'd obviously tried on mine but it wasn't ever stuff I really wanted!

BowiesJumper Thu 15-Sep-16 19:51:43

I assume he has the receipt. Tell him to take them back and try again!! What did you say to him?

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Thu 15-Sep-16 19:52:23

I'd tell him I hope he'd kept the receipt.

Do not let him away with it. You do not have to accept a crap present and be grateful because it's better than nothing.

Return it all and spend time choosing things YOU want. Dh can have the kids on his next available day off, while you shop and buy cake and coffee and have some time to yourself. That is a present you might like!

Sorry for the essay, was my birthday last week and got very little I asked for even though I was asked for ideas. I'm clearly not over it yet grin

ItsJustNotRight Thu 15-Sep-16 19:56:33

flowers. The real thing here I think is so much baggage. It's all those years of disappointment from childhood , it's so hard to let go of it. It's also your DP probably having no idea, despite good intentions. I completely get where you are coming from with this but my DSs are just the same as DP. So what I do now is whenever I see something I would like I email it on to them and tell them it's birthday/Xmas idea. I do it throughout the year with stuff at a range of prices. It's all things I can live without but would be good to get. By the time I actually get any of it I've usually completely forgotten about it so it is a genuine surprise. this is just a suggestion to help you avoid a repeat next year.

AuroraBora Thu 15-Sep-16 19:57:43

Sit him down. Try it all on and quiz him painfully about it all: "ooh, this satin baseball jacket! How does it look on me? Does it suit me? My style? What about this hat?! Lovely of you to take the time to pick out some clothes for me!". Hopefully he will suitably squirm and once you've made him suffer for long enough you can rip the shit out of him, and tell him he's been a twat and you're hurt he cares so little.

It does matter. It's the thought that counts and he hasn't thought at all.

Olddear Thu 15-Sep-16 19:57:49

Whilst I'm sympathetic.....I really, really want to see a pic of that baseball jacket with the matching cap!

Hoppityfuckingvoosh Thu 15-Sep-16 19:57:50

I've tried my best to be grateful but did ask for the receipts. He didn't seem particularly shocked. Did roll his eyes at my "fussiness" but I bet if I presented him with similar items on his birthday, he'd be so pissed.

It's his birthday in December. Revenge? I wonder if I can find a velour tracksuit for him? Too petty?

Dahlietta Thu 15-Sep-16 19:58:48

Did you put them on and show him? Maybe he'd have got the point then!!

ItsJustNotRight Thu 15-Sep-16 20:02:03

P.S. I forgot to say that I had a really big birthday recently and organised it all myself. It was a fantastic weekend and exactly what I wanted. It wouldn't have been half as good if I'd left them to it.

chairandchairalike Thu 15-Sep-16 20:04:01

Just in his (slight) defence, I think it's normal to put lots of effort into work events as you're judged on it/shapes people's opinions of you whereas even though he's bought crap presents, you still love him. Of course in an ideal world there would be lots of effort put into both things but I don't think it's a massive deal that he's thought hard about work gifts

TowerRavenSeven Thu 15-Sep-16 20:06:39

No I'd tell him I wasn't sure what he wanted, so how about making it a day and you'll take him shopping and get him something he likes. Then before you slam the car door and go into the house I'd tell him that now he can do the same for you on your next birthday.

Dh forgot my birthday one year and the next year I booked tickets to Disney World on my birthday so I got to wear that huge 'it's my birthday' pin. Very expensive mistake on his part the year before.

TKRedLemonade Thu 15-Sep-16 20:13:57

I would be very disappointed. I love birthdays and Christmas etc and go to a big effort. OH usually does too but last Christmas he just got it so wrong! A fancy charades game.......not for the family to play "because you like that sort of thing" ??? among another few really awful gimmicky presents, cardboard iPhone projector??..... Didn't say anything on the day but a month later when all the presents were still in their boxes he did apologise smile for his lack of effort. I just said yeah they were a bit crap really smile and a total waste of his money smile he totally agrees and promises this year will be better, I offered to buy him the same presets for his birthday and he was horrified smile

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