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To feel unsure about nursery but send him there anyway?

(15 Posts)
hearthattack Thu 15-Sep-16 12:03:13

My first and only DS is nearly one. I'm going back to work part time next week and this morning he's having his settling in day at his new nursery.

The nursery is ok. The staff are lovely, it has lots of space and light, outdoor space, good equipment. The offsted reports are not brilliant but not bad. I can' really say why but I just feel unsure about it. They seem quite flippant about his needs, him being upset when I left, me calling to see how he is getting on. I get that they do this all the time and have to deal with fussy parents all day long, but I'm not fussy or clingy compared to lots of mums I know and I think a bit of communication goes a long way. I just feel uneasy about it really.

We don't have a lot of choice when it comes to nurseries where we live. It's very rural and there are only three nearby. One was like a sad zoo and I was horrified by it. Another was brilliant but their hours and pricing structure just made it untenable. So the one he's going to is really our only option.

Am I being neglectful, sending him to a nursery I'm not 100 per cent sure about?

It's either that or I don't go back to work until he's old enough to start school. I know and I'm not the first and won't be the last but I'm finding it quite hard. I wish I could have more confidence in the place I was leaving him.

PumpkinPie9 Thu 15-Sep-16 12:20:40

Are there any local childminders?

hearthattack Thu 15-Sep-16 12:26:16

I don't know of any with any spaces to take him. There's not a lot of provision around here.

PurpleCrazyHorse Thu 15-Sep-16 12:32:30

I don't think you should do anything today. If you think he'll be fed and watered, nappy changed and looked after, then let him start next week. See how things go for a week or so. It is really hard going back to work and leaving someone else in charge of your child. Nurseries usually assign a key worker for each child, you once you've got them, you might find communication and reassurance improves.

I second a childminder if there's one nearby, or near your work. Ours used to picture message me 10 mins after I dropped DD off so I could see she was all smiles! Or look for a nursery nearer work if that would open up more choice.

Good luck, it's really hard at the beginning.

mrsvilliers Thu 15-Sep-16 12:33:54

My initial reaction would be to try really hard to find another provider or see if you could in anyway afford the better place. But you could always give it a go and see what happens? The first nursery I saw was a 'sad zoo' type and I couldn't bear to look at anymore or even think about leaving ds in one so I didn't go back to work. I'm not sure it was the best plan in the long term but it was what it was. So maybe give it a go for a month or so and see how he settles in?

mrsvilliers Thu 15-Sep-16 12:34:47

The photo idea is a good one, I know some nurseries do this so maybe see if they could?

LetsJunglyJumpToIt Thu 15-Sep-16 12:38:21

Does your nursery have a fb page? Ours does and it's great to see what they're up to. Going back to work will always be hard regardless of where you send him.

Artistic Thu 15-Sep-16 12:39:15

I had a similar start with my DD2 when she turned 1. DD1 had done brilliantly at nursery so I just ignored my gut instincts & persevered. Unfortunately it never got better. DD2 seemed miserable and things didn't seem right. I felt very sorry for her and in the end pulled out after 2 months. I found a childminder (after meeting nearly 50 of them) and moved her. Even here I was not 100% happy, but DD2 thrived. She's very happy, gets very personal care & loves being with 3-4-5 year olds.

I would suggest you keep looking for CMs and register with who ever keeps a waiting list. Meanwhile start the nursery if you have no choice. Hopefully either that will work or by the time you realise that it isn't working, you'll have found a CM. Go by how your child is faring rather than hoe you are faring. It's a difficult start and takes a couple of months for you to stop worry about it.

redcaryellowcar Thu 15-Sep-16 12:40:17

I think a lot depends on how necessary it is you go back to work immediately? Can you ask work for some parental leave? It might buy you a bit more time to find someone else? I personally think that you need to be really confident in your childcare provider, and although a lot of children get upset at drop off only you (as his mum) can gauge if it's totally distraught or would rather not be left on a strange place? I agree with pp is there a better option nearer work? Could you find a nanny share?

PurpleCrazyHorse Thu 15-Sep-16 12:41:00

And if you have a part time job, I'd try to keep that if you can. I found it much easier to be working when DD was smaller and all day with the same provider. It was much harder when she was at school and I was navigating breakfast clubs and childminder, and school holidays.

MintSource Thu 15-Sep-16 12:41:12

Were you finding the idea of nursery hard generally? Only asking as I was not mad about the fact LO had to go and had to try hard to separate that from more specific concerns about the nursery itself.

Could it be that the 'flippant' approach of the staff is more an attempt to stay calm and positive to reassure you?

Talking to other parents at pick up and drop off will tell you a lot, as will how the other children are.

What sort of feedback do they give you at the end of each session/day?

Hufflepuffin Thu 15-Sep-16 12:44:45

I sometimes get my dh to ring in the day to see if my DC has settled after a tough drop off, they see it as endearingly involved from a dad, when they might see it as clingy from a mum! hmm

SpookyPotato Thu 15-Sep-16 12:48:40

I get you, I'm thinking of nursery at the moment and I'm not usually fussy about anything (to the point of not caring enough sometimes!) but know I would want this to feel right. I would want to feel like he will be genuinely cared about.

MoonStar07 Thu 15-Sep-16 13:17:12

I really wish I had gone with my heart cos I had just that feeling about a nursery my eldest DD was in. In the end the outstanding ofsted it had didn't mean a thing as the new management were terrible and milking the place of money until it did shut down. From the start I said to DH I'm just not sure. Wish I had gone with my heart

Sandyknickers Thu 15-Sep-16 16:22:06

I second working out if it is necessary to go back to work, why put yourself and your ds through stress if you don't have to? Does it work out cost effective to have to pay nursery fees? I did lots of thinking and didn't go back till oldest son was 2, as then we qualified for 15 hours a week free. Before then it made no sense as we would be running a second car and paying nursery fees so I could afford to go to work to earn money to pay for car and nursery fees, it was bonkers! shock I've a 23 month old ds2 now and probably will leave it for as long as I can, last baby, and I want to savour it (when it's not tantrums and sleep deprivation hmm )

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