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AIBU?

AIBU to feel uncomfortable that DD's classroom assistant is the mum of one of the children in the class?

85 replies

Mumalade · 15/09/2016 11:51

DD has just gone into year 6 and the new TA is the mother of one of the girls in the class. I feel quite uncomfortable about this - AIBU?

OP posts:
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booklooker · 15/09/2016 11:55

So, would you be uncomfortable with your DD entering my class where I teach my own DD.

I have not had any comments from other parents, maybe they are just keeping quiet

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storminabuttercup · 15/09/2016 11:55

We had this last year and I was that child when my mum was a TA, what don't you like about it? I never got special treatment, probably the opposite

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KateBeckett · 15/09/2016 11:55

No, yanbu. It's unusual and wouldn't be allowed at any of the schools I've worked at.

That doesn't mean it WILL be a problem though...

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OvO · 15/09/2016 11:57

I wouldn't worry unless your Dd comes home full of tales of favouritism.
The other mum might be very professional about it all and it not be an issue.

Last year in my DS's class the TA was the mum of the teacher! Grin

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MidnightRunner87 · 15/09/2016 11:57

You are really, quite a few of the teachers and ta's at my children's school have children who attend there-both my children have at least one child each in their classes who's parent works for the school it's never occurred to me to think anything of it.

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Bountybarsyuk · 15/09/2016 11:59

It's extremely common for TAs to be parents of children in the school, it's not a well-paid job, but it requires dedication and school hours work, so it's a very popular choice for parents. My dd has had a TA with a child in the same class, it was only for one year though as the TA then moved about a lot. I wouldn't be worried about this unless there was an obvious issue (favouritism, interfering with friendship groups).

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aginghippy · 15/09/2016 11:59

My cousin was in this situation, her mum was a volunteer in the school and then went on to work as a TA. From what I could see, it was a problem for my cousin more than for any of the other children in the class.

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minipie · 15/09/2016 12:00

I think as long as she is discreet and doesn't share tales of what X and Y children do in class then it's fine.

If you get any hint of her spreading her classroom knowledge outside the classroom - that's when I'd be bothered.

Or favouritism but suspect that's less of a risk as the teacher would notice that.

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Skittlesss · 15/09/2016 12:01

Yes you are BU. It shouldn't make any difference at all. When I was at primary school quite a few of the TAs had children in the class and it never made a difference.

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HermioneJeanGranger · 15/09/2016 12:01

When I was at school, at least every year group had a student whose parent taught at the school in some capacity, so I see it as pretty normal.

It just makes sense, surely. No separate school run, before/after school care at your job, being able to attend special assemblies etc.

What about it makes you feel uncomfortable?

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MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 15/09/2016 12:01

Yabnu. Where possible teaching staff should not be in the same class as their own child.

Bit different if the TA is one-to-one support for a child who happens to be in her daughter's class.

But a class TA who couldn't work in any other class in the school? That's not common.

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MrsCampbellBlack · 15/09/2016 12:01

I think it is a recipe for disaster and am amazed schools do it.

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WatchingFromTheWings · 15/09/2016 12:01

YABU. My DS currently has a TA with a DS in the same class. I'm guessing with 28 kids in the class chances are they spend very little time together. Don't see the problem.

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Discobabe · 15/09/2016 12:02

I think yabu. Why does it bother you? I suspect a lot of the lunchtime staff are parents of kids there too, possibly other TA's, reception staff, teachers as well?

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HereIAm20 · 15/09/2016 12:03

My husband has his Dad as a science teacher but it worked against rather than for. His Dad expected better from him than the others and would mark his work down.

Teachers and TA usually go out of their way to make sure they do not act favourably to their own child sometimes to the point they are treated more harshly.

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HereIAm20 · 15/09/2016 12:04

Just had a thought - is it more the issue that another parent will know about your child's ability? Again as long as they are professional and don't spread stuff to others about your child's ability there shouldn't be a problem.

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Pigeonpost · 15/09/2016 12:04

Eh? My children go to the only primary school in our small rural town and most of the staff are related to some of the pupils in one way or another. From what I know of people whose parents taught them at school they usually hated it as they perceived their parent to be generally stricter with them than with everyone else precisely to avoid being accused of favouritism.

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MrsJoeyMaynard · 15/09/2016 12:05

It's not necessarily going to be a problem for your DD. Best to keep an open mind about it rather than assuming there's likely to be issues because of this.

Seems unusual though, I was at school with a few teacher's kids, and have a few friends with children who work in the schools their kids go to, and IME generally schools try and put the teacher / TA parent and child in separate classes where possible (although of course it's not always possible to do that in every school).

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HairsprayBabe · 15/09/2016 12:14

My Mum was my teacher, my aunt was my TA and my Dad was Head of Governors all at different points in my schooling,. It was never an issue, schools are communities there is always overlap somewhere!

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lalalalyra · 15/09/2016 12:15

Is it a small school?

The majority of schools won't do it if they can help it because it causes problems (well, mostly it doesn't cause problems in the class, but causes problems with parents because of their perception).

To be honest, the person I'd feel sorriest for is the DD of the TA. Parents always expect their child to behave better than any other, and often in these situation people try very hard not to show favouritism which results in them being harder on their own child. She'll also have to deal with her parent knowing about every, single classroom telling off when other children won't have their parents told unless it's something serious.

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GeorgiePeachie · 15/09/2016 12:16

Yabu. I went to schools where BOTH parents worked at the school and taught their son. one was a PE teacher and one was the headmaster.

My Middle school was a bit unconventional and had several parents who were teachers.

It's not a problem, only if the child slips up and calls her mum... which which case there's a little laugh at the mistake and we all carry on. Nay biggy

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FV45 · 15/09/2016 12:16

We have this a lot in our school. Village school. One form per year.
Parents are friends outside school with the TAs where they remain utterly professional.
I think it's great. The TAs know my child both in and out of school thus the school feels more a part of the community.

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QueenLizIII · 15/09/2016 12:19

Why do think this is a situation where somehow the child with a mum as a TA will benefit from some kind of special treatment.

I actually would have hated my mum as a TA or teacher over the age of about 7 or 8. They can see everything you do, and any bad behaviour or acting up in class will be seen by your mum too and can actually get a harder time for it.

I actually feel sorry for the kid.

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m0therofdragons · 15/09/2016 12:19

I'm sad my dd2 will never have a certain teacher as her dd is in my dd's class and our school is big enough so we don't have staff teaching their dc. She's a fab teacher so my dd will miss out. (School is fab so I'm not worried, it's just a shame). If she's a good TA then their is no issue and I'm sure that was taken into account when arranging staffing.

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BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 15/09/2016 12:19

My mum was a TA at the very small village primary I went to - she mostly cared for a boy in my class who was wheelchair bound with severe cerebral palsy. I got absolutely no special treatment from her, in fact I was always on my best behaviour because of her presence Wink

I don't recall any of the other parents having an issue with it. A lot of the other kids loved my mum, they still talk about her 20+ years on. Because it was a small school, quite a few of the village parents worked there in some capacity. It was just normal, and actually rather nice, looking back.

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