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to be annoyed with sil?

(62 Posts)
DeadDuckFace Wed 14-Sep-16 21:32:13

My brother and sister-in-law expecting first baby. Brother is a contractor and current job has taken him overseas, so he has taken unpaid leave to come to the UK from UAE to be here for birth and spend a few weeks (all they can afford) with SIL and new baby.

Whole family very excited and pleased for them. This sounds ridiculous but here goes. Sis in law is set on a name that my brother really hates. He has come up with over 50 suggestions for alternatives but she says that's the name she wants because she already told her mum and her mum has embroidered a blanket with this name.

I have tried to stay out of it but tbh I'm not a massive fan of the name either, it's a very unusual name and could easily be shortened to something not pleasant. Sis-in-law isn't English so bro has tried to explain English slang and say that perhaps not wisest name choice, but she isn't budging.

It's her baby but also my bros and she rejected the names he really liked straight away so yesterday, he asked if I'd do some internet research and send him a list of names that he could suggest to SIL.

Anyway, today he tried to run through the suggestions with her and she said, "if that is the list your sister sent them I'm not interested - my baby isn't having a western name". Bro had not even read them out to her and she rejected them outright. She also told him that he should be his own man and not just do what his sister says which is bloody unfair because I haven't actually said a word about the name and only made the list after I was asked. Am really annoyed but she's heavily pregnant and don't want to add fuel to her theory that I'm interfering. Feel sorry for bro as she is giving him the silent treatment. AIBU to think that of course it's her baby, but bros opinion should matter on this too?

Either way I won't say anything to her, just wanted to vent!

Lilaclily Wed 14-Sep-16 21:34:13

Whats the name ?

The relationship sounds doomed from what you've posted I'm afraid

Plus I'd stay out of it

DeadDuckFace Wed 14-Sep-16 21:36:53

Ooh dunno if I should post name - it starts with 'Munter' - and yes, am definitely staying out of it even though I'm really irritated.

Feel sorry for my bro tbh, he's always been shy and not confident with women, if it doesn't work out don't know how he will be as I don't think he's asked a girl out in his life.

positivity123 Wed 14-Sep-16 21:39:02

It's absolutely none of your business.

RainbowJack Wed 14-Sep-16 21:40:38

He can always get to the registry office and register a different name first.

But I'd stay out if it. And if you knew this was causing friction when your brother asked, you should have said you don't want to get involved.

Too late complaining after the fact.

Waltermittythesequel Wed 14-Sep-16 21:42:18

She's right though. You are interfering.

Who asks his sister to make a list of names for him??

Just stay out of it!

TendonQueen Wed 14-Sep-16 21:44:04

Whatever the rights and wrongs of the name and her behaviour, they really need to sort this out themselves. Your brother is an adult, however inexperienced with relationships, and must deal with his own partner. No good will come of your involvement.

NavyandWhite Wed 14-Sep-16 21:44:19

Starts with munter?

kerryob Wed 14-Sep-16 21:50:10

She's is being unreasonable not to listen to her DH as it is their son. Best you keep well away from the drama as you'll get dragged into it even more.

Munter? Yeah no idea what it could be but doesn't sound great!

nancyblackett80 Wed 14-Sep-16 21:50:44

YANBU to be concerned about your brothers lack of involvement here though, albeit its entirely his call to resolve or not resolve.

But Munter...?

george1020 Wed 14-Sep-16 21:55:47

You need to stay out of the relationship, it is nothing to do with you.

Brother should not be asking you and quite frankly I agree with SIL that it is weird! I would also refuse outright to name my baby a name my SIL had decided for me and helpfully providing a list of acceptable names, What on earth are you thinking?

DeadDuckFace Wed 14-Sep-16 21:56:22

Yes I think I will just leave them to it, I guess they will just have to figure it out. And yes, Munter confused.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 14-Sep-16 21:58:03

You should totally stay out of it.

Except maybe suggest that DB tells his MIL in rude language what the rude shortened version means. Then he should do nothing except leave MIL to talk SIL out of it.

DeadDuckFace Wed 14-Sep-16 21:59:20

george I think you're being a bit harsh. Bro had tried a lot of suggestions and she has quite specific preferences re the meaning of the names etc, he asked if I could find some she would like. I certainly hadn't decided on any name, just come up with a list based on what bro said they both wanted. Nevertheless, I take your point that I should have just told him I didn't want to get involved and he should come up with suggestions himself.

DeadDuckFace Wed 14-Sep-16 22:00:51

Haha RunRabbit, tempted to do that!

NotYoda Wed 14-Sep-16 22:01:27

She's being unreasonable, and he's being unreasonable to involve you.
YANBU to feel how you feel, but don't get involved. Sounds rocky.

grumpysquash3 Wed 14-Sep-16 22:02:46

My mum taught a girl whose name was 'Shitelle'. I am not joking. It was chosen by her Asian mum and her British dad was not able to dissuade her, apparently.

I think it is worth flagging up nicknames or shortenings that are significant; aside from that there is little you can do, except grow to love the name once you love the child....

MermaidTears Wed 14-Sep-16 22:05:29

Really if he asked you to do to help him out he could have done without telling her it was you.
Id be so pissed off with my sil and dp if they did this. I'd feel it were interfering .
I get what you have done and obviously was coming from a good place but I think you've been caught up in the crossfire.

Also how can a name start with munter?
That's a whole word?
Or do you mean like, munter al faed? (For example)

DeadDuckFace Wed 14-Sep-16 22:06:34

Thanks NotYoda I think you're right. And grumpy squash, I also have a name of foreign origin (not sure how else to describe it) and kids changed one vowel sound to make it sound very rude!

DeadDuckFace Wed 14-Sep-16 22:07:38

Mermaid it's a really long name and yes does start with Munter and is Arabic origin!

GabsAlot Wed 14-Sep-16 22:08:06


oh ear maybe it means soomething else in their culture/language?

good idea to tell the mil might make her think

Coconutty Wed 14-Sep-16 22:10:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenArseClangers Wed 14-Sep-16 22:12:17

Is the baby's name Muntaha?

DeadDuckFace Wed 14-Sep-16 22:12:41

Thanks Gabsalot and Coconutty I kind of feel like I've maybe already done too much. Have to trust that DB will tell them quite clearly why he has a problem with the name and they will come to a compromise.

HarryPottersMagicWand Wed 14-Sep-16 22:12:54

Oh dear. So it will be shortened to Munter then!

Your poor brother, she sounds like she has zero respect for him as a partner. This won't end well. Of course he should have a say in the naming of a child. Her reason because of an embroidered blanket is fucking ridiculous.

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