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AIBU?

WAS I WRONG TO SHOUT BACK AT WORK BULLY

125 replies

user1473872482 · 14/09/2016 18:09

Today I did something that I probably should not have done as it is totally out of character for me. I have been in my job for just over 4 years which has been made miserable by the work bully. I did tell my Manager and the Area Manager 3 years ago and they spoke to the bully. Well since then I have had to speak to my Manager a further 3 times about the bully's behaviour. Today though after keeping quiet for 4 years I stood up for myself and shouted back at the bully and told her she has a attitude problem and is very rude and I will be telling Area Manager of her poor behaviour towards me. She said to me I just spoke to you nicely but I told her not to look at me and to go away and leave me alone. I told my Manager as she asked me what had happened and I explained to her what happened leading up to me shouting back at her. She then straight away got on the phone to Area Manager and told her about situation. My Manager last time I told her said she is on my side and if next time the bully bothers me she will tell Area Manager to sort things out. Was I in the wrong for speaking out and shouting at the Bully?

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MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2016 18:10

Sorry wrong for shouting, yes. That's always a bad idea at work. But understandable.

What is the other person doing and how do you normally react?

TendonQueen · 14/09/2016 18:12

You sort of were, but I can see why you did. What action has been taken against her before when you've reported her? You need to put it all on record with your HR department.

Paulat2112 · 14/09/2016 18:12

It's not great to shout. But YANBU to stand up for yourself. Hopefully things get sorted out soon for you.

MillionToOneChances · 14/09/2016 18:14

Sounds like things have been pretty awful, but yes you were wrong to shout.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2016 18:16

Sounds like things have been pretty awful, but yes you were wrong to shout.

^ I agree

user1473872482 · 14/09/2016 18:22

The Bully since day 1 has been terrible with me. Pushing past me, staring at me, tutting as I walk by, shouting at me and banging things down in front of me to name but a few. Bully has only been spoken to by Boss but I did offer to speak to Bully and the Boss said she spoke to her but the Bully did not want to speak to me at all. The Area Manager knows what the Bully has been doing to me as my Boss has told her already. Now I am really worried about going in tomorrow as I know Area Manager will be in to sort things out between us. Do you think I could get fired? My husband said to me good for you for shouting back and so do my work colleagues as well.

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user1473872482 · 14/09/2016 18:24

Normally I don't react back apart from crying which I did lots of today at work.

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Thattimeofyearagain · 14/09/2016 18:26

Firstly I have done the same and the bully WAS my boss.. I would be shocked beyond belief if you got into trouble.

P1nkP0ppy · 14/09/2016 18:26

God, I so, so wish I'd confronted the two bullies in my previous job. Unfortunately I was the CEO and there was nothing I could do, so eventually I became so stressed I left.
Well done op, perhaps not the ideal way to go but hopefully very effective.

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 14/09/2016 18:26

Nope, not wrong to shout. She probably isn't used to people standing up to her. Hopefully that's surprised her and put her in her place a bit.

Duckafuck · 14/09/2016 18:27

Tell them you only shouted after extreme provocation which is not something you would normally do demonstrating just how far you have been pushed to do something so out of character.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 14/09/2016 18:27

Wrong to shout at work and wrong to shout here.

Bloopbleep · 14/09/2016 18:27

I actually don't think you were wrong to shout. I agree with the others that it's not a great idea to be shouting in work but if you've been bullied for four years and nothing has changed then you needed to stand up for yourself firstly for your own self esteem but also to show her she cannot keep doing this to you.

I think you need to raise a formal grievance about this bully's behaviour. Your bosses should've done more to stem her bullying. I'd be extremely surprised if they fired you or even disciplined you for this but if they did you'd have a good counter claim. You were at the end of your tether and you're only human.

Bloopbleep · 14/09/2016 18:28

*Stem? Should've been stop

user1473872482 · 14/09/2016 18:32

The Bully did seem to me to be very surprised that I actually shouted back at her. I said to the Bully that I don't understand why she seems to have a problem with me as well. I walked away crying more so out of frustration after 4 years. My Boss saw me crying and so did my work colleagues and even the Bully saw me crying.

The Boss and the Bully do seem to be good friends at work so if I go in tomorrow should I say anything to my Boss or wait and see what happens?

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rackhampearl · 14/09/2016 18:33

Not wrong at all. You can't let people walk all over you. Shouting isn't exactly a criminal offence is it? You shouldn't have come on here to ask if you were in the wrong because you're not and now some posters might have you thinking you are.

user1473872482 · 14/09/2016 18:36

I know she deserved what she got from me it is not like I hit her I just stuck up for myself and I shouted at her because she shouted at me first. Normally I don't say anything to her but I surprised myself as well I think my work colleagues were surprised as well.

Is it likely that the Area Manager will want to talk to us both together or separately as I did say to my Boss that I am still willing to talk to her to try to sort things out.

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whattodowiththepoo · 14/09/2016 18:37

What did they do to you before you shouted?

PigletJohn · 14/09/2016 18:38

I once heard one of my colleagues shout back "YOU DON'T NEED TO SHOUT AT ME, MRS BLOGGS, I'M NOT DEAF" which I thought very good, and was very obvious to those around.

user1473872482 · 14/09/2016 18:38

Sorry whattodowiththepoo I don't seem to understand your question. What do you mean by what did they do to you before you shouted? Who are you referring to?

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JellyBelli · 14/09/2016 18:39

Shouting isnt ideal but sometimes people snap when they've taken enough. Its better for you than feeling hurt and crying.
I wouldnt worry about it. She's had plenty of chances to be decent and hasnt taken them. she hasnt concerned herself about hurting your feeling so she shouldnt be surprised this is the outcome.

JellyBelli · 14/09/2016 18:41

When you go in tomorrow, act as if nothing happened.

rackhampearl · 14/09/2016 18:43

She means what did 'she' do to you.

user1473872482 · 14/09/2016 18:44

I must say though I have tried to be the bigger, better person. I have got her cards for Christmas and her Birthday although I haven't actually said happy christmas or happy birthday and I have a few times said hello to her but she wont acknowledge me at all.

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user1473872482 · 14/09/2016 18:46

I just walked past her to take something round the corner and she was busy and had something open and as I waited for her to finish she closed what she was doing then shouted at me NEXT TIME GO ROUND THE OTHER SIDE I AM BUSY AROUND HERE in a very rude abrupt way. After I said to her there is no need to shout

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