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AIBU?

Aibu to take a step back?

8 replies

firenze86 · 14/09/2016 12:49

I have a big family (2 sisters, 2 half sisters, 1step sister and a brother). Most of us live in the same city and the rest reasonable distance away, one sister is a troublemaker, she has caused rifts and feuds numerous times in the past between all other family members and is generally quite entitled in what she expects from everyone. The rest of us get on well and until quite recently see each other often. My dad has a warped view of my husband (been married 8 years, together 12, three children together) thanks to my sister. He has believed whatever she has told him in the past (not sure exactly what that was as she will be slagging us off even when we think things between us are fine) dad has now said he hates dh as he "enjoys a drama" (meaning - the drama sister causes). This could not be further from the truth and in fact the only times dh has been involved is when my family have needed help (leaving partners, somewhere to stay, advice, money, childcare etc) to be honest I really do not know why he still tries with them. Recently though I have become increasingly sick of the attnetion my family show each other and how they have completely blanked me and my husband and kids. I haven't seen or heard from anyone in weeks and yet they are all posting pictures of presents they have given each other, trips they have taken together, tagging each other while they are out for meals, shopping together and not once has anyone text me or asked how my children are. My son started reception on Monday and no one has asked after him. Two of them came to my daughters birthday party and the rest didn't even mention it. I mentioned to my dad I think he has no relationship with my children, thinking he may try harder but he just shut me down and it hasn't been mentioned since. He has my nieces and nephews over for tea and sleepovers and not once has he invited any of mine over. Would I be unreasonable to take a step back and let them get on with it? I would miss them obviously if I didn't ever see them but to be honest I have really lovely in laws and loads of brilliant mates who love my kids and want to spend time with us...

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FindersKeeperz · 14/09/2016 12:53

Yanbu! I'm in a similar situation with the DP family. Us and his older sister never get contacted about meals/seeing the kids/ or just to see how they are getting on whereas his older brother and his younger sister are forever with his mum.
We've just said sod it, let them crack on. It's their loss at the end of the day.

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firenze86 · 14/09/2016 13:10

Sorry to hear to hear you're in the same boat! And thank you, that's what I think too. They're missing out on relationships with my kids so I'll let them all get on with it and next time someone inevitably needs something from us they will have to look elsewhere!

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FindersKeeperz · 14/09/2016 13:15

This is it, we only get contacted of they need something. And the way I see it my son is more than happy with the family he does see.

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FindersKeeperz · 14/09/2016 13:16

It does make my blood boil sometimes but that's the way it is sometimes I guess. You sound like you have a lovely relationship with other family members so I would try not to let it get to you too much

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HarryPottersMagicWand · 14/09/2016 13:20

Yep, take a step back. If they want to believe the nasty shit stirring, they obviously don't know you very well do they.

I have various half and step siblings. There is only one I don't really like or bother with see her once a year.,She is pretty selfish and up her own backside. Guess who gets the most time, money and attention from our dad! The rest have the same mum and despite me getting on well with all of them, I am never invited or included in anything. I see them doing stuff on social media all the time and it hurts. Unfortunately my ILs are even more shit and I don't have a huge amount of friends so I can't fall back on anyone. Definitely do this seeing you have other great people in your life.

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firenze86 · 14/09/2016 20:19

Thanks, We are lucky to have other people around us so I shall focus on what I've got and if anyone wants to make any effort or build any bridges they are more than welcome! I'll try not to feel upset with it all and get on with life :)

Thank you for the replies and sorry to hear it's not just me in this situation. Xxx

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MissKatieVictoria · 14/09/2016 20:41

I know how much it huers, when my mum was dying her brother and 2 sisters couldn't tell her enough how they'd do everything possible for me and my sister. Of course, once she died, we didn't exist to them. 6 years on i haven't had so much as a text, yet they claim to be a close family of born again christians!