To think that people hate it when you treat them as they treat you?(17 Posts)
Has anyone else noticed this? When people are the type to behave badly as a friend,or take the piss with how they treat you, as soon as you do anything remotely like something they have done to you multiple times, they hate it and end up falling out with you?
I had a friend that was always, constantly late every time we met up. Not 10 or 15 minutes, but sometimes an hour, or more!! On one occasion I was 10 minutes late to meet her. She went absolutely ballistic at me for 'wasting her time', and then that was the end of that friendship! I did point out to her that she was regularly very late and that I didn't think she would mind but apparently she has a very busy life and can't help being late!
And more recently; DD is in the same school year as a girl whose mum has never hesitated throughout primary school to phone other mums up, including me, for every perceived slight towards her daughter. Her daughter is by no means an angel and has been unpleasant to DD on many occasions. The girls are now at secondary school, they started a couple of weeks ago. On the first day this girl started up an unpleasant rumour about DD and put it all on social media too (DD does not have any social media BTW but friends told her and showed her what was put on there!). After a few days I phoned the mum to let her know (very politely and nicely) what had been going on and to ask her to ask her daughter to stop and to delete the posts, and the mum went mad at me on the phone, telling me her daughter is a lovely girl who would never do that and that she would not be speaking to me again! Nice!
Oh and the (not close) friend on FB who repeatedly ignored my replies to her attention seeking statuses offering support and replied to others. The one time I ignored a reply from her on my status she deleted me instantly, and sent me a message saying I was ignorant and not to contact her again!
Has anyone else had experiences of people getting annoyed when you treat them as they treat you? I'm not particularly bothered to have these people out of my life but the principle of how they behave fucks me off!!
Absolutely agree with you
I have no answers though
I have noticed that people who are a bit mean and judgemental about others are often hypersensitive if they feel someone has been even the tiniest bit critical of them. On the other hand, people who are warm and supportive are also often forgiving of others, and will make excuses for other people's bad behaviour.
It isn't really surprising.
I especially find this with 'I speak as I find' types.
Yes! The 'I speak as I find' types are awful. I'd say all three examples I quoted in my OP are that type. Full of opinions and calling a spade a spade but self absorbed and rude to boot!
I agree with all of you. I have too many examples in my life to know which ones to mention here!! The "oh I'm so busy busy BUSY" types who are regularly late, or who flake on an arrangement at the last moment, are particularly unforgiving when I have to change plans (which I do rarely, and only for very good reason e.g. I'm in A&E with one of my children....) Because they are so busy you see, which means that they are oh so much more important than everyone else. Twats.
I've had a major friendship cull recently and I feel so much better!
I think claraschu us right. I also think some people are very self absorbed and so expect everyone to be helpful, sensitive, supportive and forgiving when it comes to them but don't see any need to do the same in return.
I have a friend/acquaintance who typifies this. In the past I have supported her through relationship break-ups, anxieties about new relationships, minor illnesses and a whole host of imagined dramas (including dropping everything to be a shoulder to cry on, providing last minute childcare etc). However, if it ever seems like I might need a bit of support she has no qualms about telling me she's far too busy. This included one occasion where we met for a coffee and I told her my mum was very ill. Her reaction was along the lines of 'Oh I'm really sorry about that. Can we talk about something else though cos this is my day off work , I'm meeting [her new man] later and I'm really enjoying having a happy day.'
Chunkymum that's awful! She sounds a complete cow!
Completely agree - but as pp has said no real solution
other than if you are not happy with an aspect of someone's behaviour towards you better to address or acknowledge it sooner as longer it goes left the other person can think you are happy for them to behave as they do etc
Again like a PP has said I do find the "I speak as I find/that's just how I am " types the worst for this - often incredibly rude and ignorant and impolite "because that's the way I am" then off in hysterics if anyone dares to challenge them or say anything they don't want to hear . Eventually just becomes a boring worthless task to be endlessly polite if it is not appreciated or reciprocated -
I think it's basic human psychology: we loathe in others what are our own unacknowledged failings.
Always makes me paranoid about the things that piss me off in other people, though, wondering if it just means that I'm actually like that.
My cousin did this. I always made the effort, I was always the one to call / email / arrange things. I decided to stop making the running and after a year of nothing I got a horrible email saying I had cut him out of my life! I was on a round the world trip for most of the year and had included him in my group emails and hadn't had a reply!! He's also 15 years older than me so he's an adult.
I've come to the conclusion that people are just weird! Don't take it to heart
MurphyJim- I think you're right, she is a cow. The trouble is for some reason I seem to be programmed to try to see it from the point of view of others and in the past have always made the excuse that she's had a rough time so is not thinking about what she says. The issue with my mum's illness was the final straw though. I told her later that I felt a bit let down by her reaction (something that I have heard her say to others if she feels they have not been supportive) and her excuse was that she needed to surround herself with positive energy. I haven't heard from her since but I'd put money on getting a bright breezy message from her next time she needs child care.
Lymmmummy- totally agree about the 'speak as you find' types. I've encountered too many of them and now steer clear of anyone who uses that expression.
'Speak as I find' but then kicks off if she feels slighted. Authoritarian personality: looks down on people but kow-tows to people she considers superiors. Voted Brexit. Totally intransigent. Show home. Judgemental.
I could go on...
Not sure what voting Brexit has to do with this
I agree that the type of people who take offence easily are also the type of people who do offensive things! I think once you have identified that someone has a personality like this you just have to distance yourself from them. Of course this will result in you being accused of ignoring them!
It's a very useful indicator of who not to be friends with or waste time on.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.