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Feel lonely

(21 Posts)
diamondmoon Wed 14-Sep-16 07:52:54

Moved 100 miles away from family and friends 8 years ago with 2 kids and then husband. I made a few friends at first as had a baby and dd started school but as they got older these friends just stopped making contact. It's been impossible making mum friends at their school as they all went to school together here so all grown up together. I say hello to mums but that's been it. My dh left me 3 years ago to his O w they now got 2 small children and live in another county. Now he gone i work part time but that's only time I see and speak to anyone. My son been living with his dad since March as he been having extreme behaviour problems so I only see him at weekends. I feel so alone just me and my dd. Because of ds behaviour I have avoided going to visit my family. It was my bday had no friends to invite no friends go to dinner with. It's awful, Even feel family don't bother calling me ever and my ds been such a problem but no one cares he not even living with me and how horrid that is. I have no hobbies so do not go out to do that. It's so isolating having no one to talk to. My ds now been diagnosed with ADHD. Few months ago he threatened me with a knife but family never contacted me after to see if I alright

WizardOfToss Wed 14-Sep-16 07:59:50

I'm so sorry, Diamond, that sounds really shitty. You can talk to us.

How old is your DD?

diamondmoon Wed 14-Sep-16 08:11:26

She is 12. I feel bad how boring her life is as well but she has lots of friends

diamondmoon Wed 14-Sep-16 08:19:27

I feel this is me alone forever

WizardOfToss Wed 14-Sep-16 08:19:33

Do you get on well with her? I remember my DD at that age, she was alternately a little girl and a sulky almost teen!

I'm sorry things are so rough for you. I don't have any answers but I'm more than happy to chat! flowers

MatildaTheCat Wed 14-Sep-16 08:25:40

Would moving back to an area where you know more people be an option?

Otherwise perhaps try a new hobby with your dd like running or an activity you both enjoy? Is there a local church where new members are welcomed? You don't have to be religious to benefit and churches do seem to be still good at welcoming all.

Maybe you aren't looking for solutions so here's a quick ((hug)) but don't tell anyone because it sounds bloody hard. Your family should be ashamed. In your place a couple of glasses of wine in I might send an email telling them that. flowers brew cake

diamondmoon Wed 14-Sep-16 08:32:24

My dad does call/ text and one niece but I upset my sister and brother never and my step mum hates me. My mum died 12 years ago. Get on very well with dd. Not having my ds to do his school run is really hard. I just feel hard going out to do a hobby feel hard talking to new people

WizardOfToss Wed 14-Sep-16 09:19:37

IT is hard meeting new people, but lots of people feel the same, even if they don't look it. It's a bit glib to say just be interested in others but that does work.

It's missing your DS though, isn't it? I'm so sorry. Are you texting/face timing him in the week?

diamondmoon Wed 14-Sep-16 09:30:07

Yes he face times me every night he misses me too. He was nearly expelled from school so that's why had to move X

WizardOfToss Wed 14-Sep-16 09:42:23

I'm sure you've done the right thing for him, but it must be so hard. flowers

Would you like to meet new people or do you want support and chat online, until things are more settled with DS?

Depending on your interests, there's loads on here - and you could get this moved to relationships, there's some brilliant support over there. AIBU prefers a gunfight and that's not what you need right now!

WizardOfToss Wed 14-Sep-16 09:43:30

Er, bun fight. Not gun fight, ffs.

I mean it's bad, but not that bad! grin

Bettercallsaul1 Wed 14-Sep-16 10:07:41

A Freudian slip if ever there was one, Wizard. grin You've obviously been on AIBU a long time...

sotired2 Wed 14-Sep-16 10:57:44

I feel your pain I moved away from my home area and so have no long term history with people here and do get isolated as like you didn't got o school with them or have known the family for decades!

I try to get to exercise classes (and get there a lil early/don't rush off) which helps. I've also done courses at the local college. Make a point of arranging regular work socials. Although this hasn't given me a particular best friend its helped me not feel so alone.

Failing all that just so you know you are not alone in feeling alone!

spottyswat Wed 14-Sep-16 12:39:40

When I moved countries, I joined a beginner tennis class and this type of thing gives you a huge circle of friends. Those of us who stayed in the classes play on teams and leagues together, but I am still very good friends with a couple of women who gave up.

Something like tennis where a foursome is always required is great because you are either contacted to make up a court, or if you are organizing a game, you have great reasons to call people, "can you play, blah blah, oh not today? Never mind maybe we can play next week? " and then do.

I have always been shy around New people but the common interest does away with all awkwardness.

Good luck with whatever you do, it sounds really stressful.

Mumite Wed 14-Sep-16 12:45:01

oh Diamond brew my heart goes out to you, it sounds very tough for you at the moment.

It sounds like you need support as well as friendship.

I've been lonely on and off all my life (!) and i feel that when you are facing great difficulties at the same time (as you are with your DS issues and separation from DH) then it can feel virtually impossible to "go out and join a club" which is the usual advice...

Don't forget there are listening helplines you can call like Parentline and the Samaritans. Also, is there a SureStart in your area or any kind of support group for parents with the issues your son has? Even if he is not living with you, you are 100% his parent and entitled to such support.

spottyswat Wed 14-Sep-16 12:45:25

Can I also say that tennis is fab fun, and such a laugh for beginners as everyone makes the most stupid shots, and then people are really admiring once you start mastering a shot (everyone does good shots even if only once in a blue moon).

You don't have to be fit to start either.

diamondmoon Wed 14-Sep-16 13:10:38

Thanks all yes it's def having no support from anyone. When u got a partner u can share all the problems so if I was still married by ds problems would have been so much easier to cope with but now I have to trust his dad and Ow to look after him for now. I had a year of being blamed why he being so naughty. And having family so far means my support is less. I do talk to work friends but I hate to sound like you miserable. I have never done anything like tennis or a sport as have kids home so going out when u single mum not easy as need to be home evening.

Mumite Wed 14-Sep-16 13:23:41

I am a single mum too Diamond, it is not easy when there are big issues going on.

I do recommend SureStart or even asking your health visitor or GP or school (whoever is the friendliest!) if there are any single parent support groups or groups for parents of special needs in your area.

Exercise has helped my own mental health but i don't know if I would have been up for tennis in my lonelier moments, hmm not sure even what you wear for it?! But something else along those lines, or sometimes there are knitting beginners classes or something where you don't have to chat loads but (in theory!) get to know people as you go along. But for the actual support it can take so long to make good friends, that's why I'd maybe recommend an agency like SureStart or one of the befriending charities... Good luck with it all, it's great you get on well with your DD too, maybe you could even join something together.

sotired2 Wed 14-Sep-16 13:27:59

If DD is 12 and willing mums and daughters often come to my exercise classes together - so no issue in leaving her.

diamondmoon Wed 14-Sep-16 13:38:15

Yes maybe finding a support group is what I need. Because my ds not living me I can't have a family worker of my own his dad has one. My ds can get violent he threatened me with a knife few weeks a go so that's pretty scary. Talking to others in same position may help.

Mumite Wed 14-Sep-16 15:19:46

Sounds very scary Diamond to be threatened by your own son with a knife...hope your looking for support goes well.

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