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To think DH is trying to sabotage my return to work?

(494 Posts)
calliecat Tue 13-Sep-16 20:28:07

Had a baby last winter, and DH made it clear he didn't want me to return to work. (He earns a lot more than I do.) We argued talked about it and compromised on part time.

So I am in three days a week and for the other two days DC is supposed to go to a childminder. DH works four long days so for at least one of the days he is at home anyway but still insists I take DC and pick them up. If I object he points out I wouldn't have to take the baby at all if I was at work.

It's not about the money but I worked hard for my career and I have some lovely friends at work. But it's so hard sad

pitterpatterrain Tue 13-Sep-16 20:31:10

That is really shitty behaviour from him.

Does he also make you pay for the childminder?

gamerchick Tue 13-Sep-16 20:31:10

So on his day off when he could be spending quality time with his child you have to take her/him to the childminder and pick up after work while he's doing what exactly?

redexpat Tue 13-Sep-16 20:35:35

Please keep your job.

Why can't he look after the baby on his free day? That would also mean she wouldnt have to go to the cm.

JudyCoolibar Tue 13-Sep-16 20:38:09

So if you were at home, would he still insist on you doing all the work associated with looking after his child, or would he actually muck in and do some parenting? If the former, he's an arsehole. If the latter, then he should still be capable of doing the fairly minimal work involved in taking them to the childminder. In fact, he should be looking after DC himself.

fuzzywuzzy Tue 13-Sep-16 20:40:10

What would happen if you didn't?

joangray38 Tue 13-Sep-16 20:42:17

Shouldn't he be enjoying some quality "we" time with his little daughter?

TendonQueen Tue 13-Sep-16 20:43:14

He sounds unpleasant. But I'm confused. Do you work 3 days or stay home 3 days, as you said DC is at the childminder for 2? What overlap is there between yours and his working days? Because if you're at work on his day at home, I'd get up and leave early and if he wants to take DC to the childminder, he'll have to do it himself.

calliecat Tue 13-Sep-16 20:43:21

If I didn't take the baby? he just leaves the house early and goes to the gym or plays golf.

In some ways he's a good parent, better than me, and he says I need to take responsibility for DC as he's done his bit.

FarAwayHills Tue 13-Sep-16 20:43:44

So you are both parents but somehow you are the one that has to change your life around to accommodate his career and look after your DC. Meanwhile he gets to carry on with life as before.

Your DH is being totally U.

RandomMess Tue 13-Sep-16 20:44:00


TBH it's controlling, abusive behaviour...

INXS Tue 13-Sep-16 20:44:06

Yes, he absolutely is. YANBU.

Bluechip Tue 13-Sep-16 20:44:29

But it isn't his decision about whether you return to work, it's a joint decision and if it's what you want to do he should support you. That's what partners do, support each other. This needs sorting pronto. What does he say when you say that you have children together and want to share the responsibility between you?

INXS Tue 13-Sep-16 20:44:39

"he says I need to take responsibility for DC as he's done his bit."

You are kidding, surely? What exactly was "his bit"?

INXS Tue 13-Sep-16 20:45:09

"you are both parents but somehow you are the one that has to change your life around to accommodate his career and look after your DC. Meanwhile he gets to carry on with life as before."


calliecat Tue 13-Sep-16 20:45:19

I work Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays and DH is usually (in fairness not always) home on Thursdays.

StressedNHSemployee Tue 13-Sep-16 20:45:45

What ... by ejaculating into you?

OreoCat Tue 13-Sep-16 20:46:34

"His bit?" Is he referring to an orgasm? hmm

honeylulu Tue 13-Sep-16 20:46:45

Done his bit? Does he his sole contribution to parenting the ejaculate he produced at the conception?
Words fail me. How fucking dare he!
Has he always been like this?

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 13-Sep-16 20:47:06

Do you have full access to all the money coming in, including pension accounts and savings?

calliecat Tue 13-Sep-16 20:47:20

He does do a lot, takes the baby out, changes nappies, very much a hands on dad in that respect. But he does feel very strongly a child should be with their mum in their preschool years. Part time work is supposed to be a compromise. But it feels like he just makes my life as hard as possible so I'll say I'll stay home.

calliecat Tue 13-Sep-16 20:48:20

grin you lot have put the first smile of today on my face with the ejaculation comment!!

Flanderspigeonmurderer Tue 13-Sep-16 20:49:59

He's an arsehole. They are his children as well as yours. If anything happened to him and he was unable to work then at least you know you would still be able to provide for the whole family.

Crunchymum Tue 13-Sep-16 20:50:00

Hold on, so your DH is off of work and he won't even do the drop offs and picks up?

My DP works 4 long days so he can spend time with his kids it helps us financially too

Your DH is being a selfish prick. How is he with the DC in general?

bloodyteenagers Tue 13-Sep-16 20:50:05

What bit has he done exactly?
Fucked you to get you pregnant? Ok give him that.
Dealt with morning sickness? Nope
Sleepless nights with the bump? Nope
Gone through labour? Nope.
Sleepless nights? Doubt it.
Entertained the baby for the past 10 months? Nope
Done all the cleaning in 10 months? Doubt it
Done all the washing in 10 months? As above
Done majority of the cooking? Haha no.

So what exactly has he done his bit at in raising a child that will need support for the next 18 years?

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