to think that it's my labour and not our labour?

(151 Posts)
GummyGoddess Tue 13-Sep-16 19:18:49

I'm due to have our first child shortly and have been nagged by several midwives to write down some sort of birth plan.

I wrote said plan today (bullet points, less than one page) and shared it electronically with my husband in case he had anything he wanted to add. I then at some point referred to it as "my labour list" and he said it was also his labour list. I pointed out that I would be in labour and not him, therefore it was about "my labour for the birth of our child" and therefore I get final approval of it as it will be me doing the hard work. He said that it would be hard work for him too.

He now appears to not be speaking to me. I do have a (small) degree of autism but surely it's my labour list as I will be in labour? Am I right or is it his labour as well?

IcedVanillaLatte Tue 13-Sep-16 19:19:40

His labour???!

Arf.

Caken Tue 13-Sep-16 19:20:20

YANBU. It's your labour, not his.

Lilaclily Tue 13-Sep-16 19:21:05

Well I think you're right but does it really Matter? You're lucky to have someone who takes such an interest, if this is such an issue what will you both be like with a newborn
Be kind to each other, it's a stressful time for you both

RaeSkywalker Tue 13-Sep-16 19:21:07

Of course YANBU. It's even worse than saying "we're pregnant".

justilou Tue 13-Sep-16 19:21:20

If he wants to take over and give birth, it's his labour.... Otherwise it's all yours. Did he say "We're pregnant!" as well? Barf!!!

JenLindleyShitMom Tue 13-Sep-16 19:21:30

Which part of the labour will he be performing? Could i suggest the crowning part?

XinnaJane Tue 13-Sep-16 19:21:49

Oh dear. The main thing he needs to know about labour is that it is in no way about him. His role is to be calm, kind and completely unobtrusive. Good thing you've got a bit of time to spell it out to him. Don't forget- you are the patient.

SlightlyperturbedOwl Tue 13-Sep-16 19:22:14

YANBU. When he pushes a baby out through his vagina then he can call the shots! hope it all goes well, It probably won't be anything like your birth plan in the end anyway so being laid back about it is definitely the best plan. flowers

formerbabe Tue 13-Sep-16 19:22:26

Yanbu! This is one time when it's all about you...and the baby of course!

ApollO88 Tue 13-Sep-16 19:22:34

I can top that. In labour all day and night. Had ds at 5.48 in the morning. We get into the ward and I'm just settling down to snuggle and "rest" and he gets up and states he's going home for some sleep because it's been such a long night and he's tired.... hmm

PeachBellini123 Tue 13-Sep-16 19:23:59

I don't think it's that bad to be honest. At least he wants to be involved and cares

Wheresthewine36 Tue 13-Sep-16 19:24:02

It's YOUR labour.
If he is ever called upon to push a baby out of his penis, then it will be HIS labour.
You're not being unreasonable.

BlurtonOnKites4eva Tue 13-Sep-16 19:24:20

It's deffo your labour!

As if he's in a mood with you as well. Tell him to get a grip!

GummyGoddess Tue 13-Sep-16 19:25:06

No, he doesn't say that we're pregnant but he does seem to be upset when I refer to anything about the pregnancy or birth as being all about me and not really anything to do with him until we are holding our baby.

I haven't cut him out of any decisions and have left several of them entirely up to him. The ones that I have insisted upon he has ultimately been convinced of (e.g. having baby at home) and is genuinely happy with.

Arfarfanarf Tue 13-Sep-16 19:25:19

He needs to bloody well pack that in right now.

You are the one who will be giving birth.

His role is to support you. Not syphon off the attention and focus because he wants to pretend he is in labour and birthing a baby too hmm

Oh it's going to be hard for him too, is it? And now as you are about to give birth he's sulking and not talking to you because you hurt his fee fees by pointing out the biological reality?

Oh poor poppet.

Send him over here, I'll shove a melon up his dick and rip him from front to back, make sure he gets the full experience.

stitchglitched Tue 13-Sep-16 19:25:52

It's YOUR labour. And no you aren't 'lucky' that he cares when his 'care' involves making it all about him and then not speaking to you!

UnicornPee Tue 13-Sep-16 19:26:36

Hahaha your husband is weird (sorry? But papping over that!! That is crazy.

formerbabe Tue 13-Sep-16 19:26:50

I haven't cut him out of any decisions and have left several of them entirely up to him.

What decisions have you left up to him entirely?

DixieWishbone Tue 13-Sep-16 19:27:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GummyGoddess Tue 13-Sep-16 19:28:18

I'm aware the birth may not go to plan, that's why I've procrastinated so long about doing the list (I am about two weeks away from due date). I think of it more as a wish list and it basically says that I will ask for help if I need it but to let me get on with things unless they see a need to assist and to otherwise help themselves to tea and biscuits.

bookwormnerd Tue 13-Sep-16 19:28:24

You are totally in the right. You're the one going through it, not him. He should be there to support but it is your choice to how you want things to go. Obviously its hard to watch your partner go through pain but is in no way same. My husband knew it was me doing all the work when gave birth to both our children. Its the same as saying we are pregnant when only the mother is. It doesn't make the dad any less important than the mum but it would be like saying we have a broken leg if one person in the couple broke their leg. I would just reassure him that his role is important, however as you are the one going through the pain it is your list and your final say the treatment you receive. Maybe to make him feel included say if you want him to cut cord or have skin to skin with baby after birth.

NapQueen Tue 13-Sep-16 19:28:25

Just tell him to highlight the parts he wants to do.

Tbh I mentioned dh on mine as I put "explain any procedures or pain Meds fully to me and dh"

blinkowl Tue 13-Sep-16 19:28:33

The clue is in the name.

It is labour. One person will be doing the labouring.

Unless he intends to become part of your body, he will not be labouring.

It is his job to support you.

oldlaundbooth Tue 13-Sep-16 19:30:27

He's a lot to learn, that lad.

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