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AIBU?

To feel so sorry for fil

7 replies

Viiolettheorgangrinder · 13/09/2016 12:23

He's taken early retirement due to Ill health. He lives in a run down house with my SIL and her children. She does minimum hours even tho all kids are in their teens,but she won't work more because of tax credits. So FIL pretty much financially supports all of them. They've lived all together for about 13 years. FIL seems to be making himself more ill with the stress of it all. He doesn't even have his own bedroom FFS. Don't k of what advice I'm after but just need to vent.

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pizzaeatingmonkey · 13/09/2016 13:01

Is this your partner's father? What does she/he say about this?

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Charlesroi · 13/09/2016 13:28

There's not a lot you can do, I suppose. SIL is going to be up shit creek in a few years when the tax credits stop though. Have you tried talking to her about this? What's her plan?
Suggest FIL tries to get sheltered/HA accommodation?

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SheldonsSpot · 13/09/2016 13:30

What does your partner say or want to do about this?

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SaucyJack · 13/09/2016 13:31

Whose house is it? Or who was the original tenant if it's rented?

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Viiolettheorgangrinder · 13/09/2016 15:17

It's my partner father. He owns the house. He's having to use up most of his savings to do a loft conversion as there isn't enough bedrooms,hence FIL having to share his bedroom with grandson. Oh isn't happy with situation and finds it frustrating but FIL just seems to put up with it for an easy life. SIL gave up a council house to move back home and there's been nothing said about moving since.

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KurriKurri · 13/09/2016 15:49

I guess it's hard to say without knowing the full circumstances.
Does your SIL care for your FIL in any way (you say he has ill health) does she cook for him, do his washing etc ?

Maybe they have some reciprocal arrangement that works for the tow of them. Maybe he prefers to live with someone than on his own and maybe other family members don;t want him living with them - it can be quite a lot of work having an elderly relative living in the same house.

How long has the bedroom sharing been going on - is it just a temporary thing while the conversion is done and will there be much more space afterwards ?Or has it been a long term arrangement?

You say your FIL puts up with it for an easy life - have you asked him if he dislikes the arrangement and wants it changed. Because if he hasn't said he's unhappy then there's not much you can do. If he has said so then you need to sit down with him and discuss alternative arrangements - if necessary SIL would have to find her own housing elsewhere.

Do you know exactly what the financial arrangements are between them - you say your SIL works some hours and gets tax credits - so she has an income coming in - are there some things she pays for and some that he does ?

It sounds as if your FILL needs to be asked what he wants and then see how that can be best accomplished - maybe some sort of totally separate living space for him within the house where he can get some peace and quiet.

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Viiolettheorgangrinder · 13/09/2016 15:56

FIL pays for everything. Food shops,bills,everything. She cooks occasionally. He does his own washing. He isn't elderly,very early 60s. As I said,it's been going on 13 years now. Other things have happened recently(teens have drunken parties,stealing from him etc).he's a shell of himself and it's awful to see.