I want to kill my collegue ... Coping strategy needed

[UsedtobeFeckless]

Due to a work reshuffle I'm landed with the lazy, whingy, passive aggressive nightmare that every other department has sucked and spat out ... Throttling her would be frowned on and I don't want to leave. Help?

[AnnaMarlowe]

Are you senior to her?

Last time I had this I helped her with lots of CV writing and interview skills and serenely waved her goodbye.

[ImissGrannyW]

channel everything MN offers and use it... Head tilts. Challenging, assertive behaviour. Tinkly little laughs. Reinforcement. Asking for clarification. Repeating back.

You can do this. MN has your back (as long as you come back and regularly post about it) (with no pesky name changes to confuse everyone!)

[UsedtobeFeckless]

Trouble is everyone who doesn't actually work with her thinks she's lovely because she always has time to chat ( Because she never does any sodding work )

[SabineUndine]

Well. If I were your colleague I wouldn't want to work with you either if I read that.

I once had a secretary moved to my team and the person she'd previously worked with and fallen out with made a point of coming and telling us how useless she was.

Only, in the event, she wasn't. She was nice, a bit feisty but not in any way a square peg. Give your colleague a chance.

[UsedtobeFeckless]

( Posted too soon ) ... And so I feel like the bad guy because I want to shut her head in a door.

[UsedtobeFeckless]

I've worked with her on and off for years and use to think she wasn't as bad as she was painted but now we're together every day I'm going quietly mad.

[GuiltyPleasure]

I feel your pain OP. We have one in our department. She came with a terrible reputation,which she's unfortunately lived up to. Luckily for me I'm not directly employed,so her shit stirring can't affect me directly, but suffice to say we've got a calendar counting down the days until she retires next year. It's horrible when one lazy incompetent derails the whole dynamic of a work place

[HelloOrchidaceous]

Is that you Helen?

[UsedtobeFeckless]

Nope, sorry ... Not Helen ...

[HelloOrchidaceous]

Ah, phew

[clmustard]

Oh I am whingy and passive aggressive at the mo. I also appear to be everybody else's shoulder to cry on (which I don't really know how to stop without offending). If it weren't for the fact I'vebeen in the same job years I would think I know you!!!

[applesvpears]

I don't know why but 'is that you Helen?' made me crack up.

[BillSykesDog]

You want to 'shut her head in a door'. Wow, workplace bullying is alive and well.

[JellyBelli]

What did you do? Kidding.
Throttle her and make it look like she got tangled up in the printer.

[AnnaMarlowe]

Bill I'd assume the OP was using hyperbole for comic effect rather than actually planning GBH.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

Me too apples

[WhatWouldCoachBombayDo]

Slip some arsenic in her coffee, she won't be around for long

But in all seriousness, I'd begin by gently questioning why A, B and C are not done/completed, or set her daily tasks if you are senior. Thing is, it's a finite balance between looking overbearing and getting someone who lacks drive to work.

[SmallBee]

I had a colleague like this. The only things that got me through it were MN tried and tested techniques. Sending friends who were in the know texts like ' she's fucking done IT again. Fucking fuck face! ' and making a diary of every little cock up she did. Really petty and I never showed it to anyone but it somehow made me feel better to see her incompetence written down.

[JellyBelli]

When someone is a twat, wanting to shut their head in the door is not bullying, because its not actually doing it. Its a feeling, emotional response, or fantasy if you will.

[Bogeyface]

Jeez, online rant of things that you would never do or say to a person IRL and you get accused of workplace bullying.....despite it not being in the workplace or actual bullying.

Online arseholery with a side order of no sense of humour however, that is a thing I feel that I should not have to deal with.

[LHReturns]

BillSykes you sound like great fun.

[MothershipG]

I have to work with an incompetent and she's my senior

Myself and the rest of the team have to pick up the slack. But her senior seems to think that she's some kind of special snowflake and we are all just being mean.

I used to think she was a nice person, just useless, but since working with her more I have realised that she is actually very self centred and sly.

I am a rock in a stream, just let it all wash past me... Well that's the theory, some days I manage it better than others.

[Chottie]

OP - you have my huge sympathy. I worked with someone like that. It was hell on earth.

[BillSykesDog]

Oh yes these threads always come up on MN and all these 'fun', 'funny' people come out of the woodwork to suggest slapping, or punching or poisoning people because it's oh so hilarious to joke about doing unspeakable violence to someone who actually exists. I find these threads really distasteful every time they happen. And disturbing that a lot of people who post on them are not bringing up kids. They are justified nasty and bullying.

[UsedtobeFeckless]

Bill FFS - I'm not a bully. I'm just having a rant! I'm actually super-nice to her because she really irritates me and I don't want to let rip by accident!. I end up over-compensating and treating her with kid gloves which makes me even more peeved inside ...