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Is this weird/stalkerish or just friendly?

(35 Posts)
SestraClone Mon 12-Sep-16 12:47:50

There is a man who gets on/off the same bus stop as me, then he lives in one direction and I live in another. I have seen him with his wife/partner and children in the local area. I have no idea what his name is or anything like that. I have never sat next to him, I am usually at the back and he sits at the front. I have never acknowledged him, ever, not even a friendly nod of recognition. I have seen him getting on/off the bus perhaps about 10 times in the last year, so it's not an every day occurrence.

Ok, now the weird bit. He has sent me a friend request on both Facebook and Instagram! Why? I am also a bit freaked out that he was able to find me/possibly looked for me on there. I have both set fairly privately, so only my name and profile pics can be seen on FB and only my user name & a generic pic on Instagram. No idea how he knows my name to find me in the first place, we don't appear to have any mutual friends.

AIBU to find it a bit weird or can someone offer up a reasonable explanation?

NavyandWhite Mon 12-Sep-16 12:50:41

Maybe you came up as friends you may know and he recognised you? It's possible that he knows one of your FB friends or maybe he's just strange and has stalked you confused

What will you do?

VioletBam Mon 12-Sep-16 12:51:27

No, that's weird for sure. Watch does sound stalkerish.

Sorry OP.

Creativemode Mon 12-Sep-16 12:51:53

Omg weird! But there could be logical explanations.

It could be possible that you popped up on the 'people you may know' bit and he thought you looked familiar so added you.

Or is it at all possible he went to your school or anything?

I think I'd send a message asking who he is.

Floggingmolly Mon 12-Sep-16 12:52:02

Very odd.

Planty18 Mon 12-Sep-16 12:52:24

That's very strange, I would decline. You've never spoken to him? Weird but people use social media differently so it might be nothing sinister. I've had friend requests from people who are parents at school but I've never met them or spoken to them and my children don't know their kids or anything but we have mutual friends. They didn't mean any harm but I also didn't accept their request!

Tiggeryoubastard Mon 12-Sep-16 12:52:35

Yes weird. But it's more a (lack of) boundary thing nowadays. It's like the people that send friends of friends requests even though they don't know them. And the people that accept requests from people they don't know. And then Facebook gets a bad name. It's not Facebook, it's the numpties on there.

TheWitTank Mon 12-Sep-16 12:52:44

Do you have any mutual friends? He may have recognised your photo? Or perhaps a group on fb that he has spotted you on? I wouldn't be overly concerned. Perhaps he is shy and looking for an opener!

Planty18 Mon 12-Sep-16 12:53:24

I wouldn't message him back, he will be able to see your profile for a month I think it is, in Facebook anyway.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Mon 12-Sep-16 12:54:05

you might have popped up in the "people you know field"

that said - its weird.

Just ignore , and keep your head down. In a few months the memory will fade

don't do a thing, or say a thing. and don't decline it, just leave it there (just in case)

MargotLovedTom Mon 12-Sep-16 12:54:53

An opener for what, though? confused

Creativemode Mon 12-Sep-16 12:56:38

It is possible he fancies you and thinks this might strike up conversation.

I can understand why it's made you uncomfortable.

SestraClone Mon 12-Sep-16 12:57:40

I most definitely declined! I did think of the "friends you may know" thing on FB - does that happen on Instagram as well? His instagram is public so I had a quick nosey to find out who it was sending the friend request - its just lots of videos of himself lip syncing to pop songs - really cringey!

I didn't go to school here, I don't know his wife/partner either.

I am still going to ignore him on the bus - not really up to being friendly as it feels a bit weird now.

SestraClone Mon 12-Sep-16 12:58:03

How do search for people you don't know on instagram? I used a nickname on there, not my real name and my profile pic is a cartoon.

SaucyJack Mon 12-Sep-16 12:58:44

I think (but don't know for definite) that FB tracks your location and sends out "People you may know" based on that.

I had one once for a dad I'd say next to at a school play.

It is a bit weird that he sent you a request, and then looked you up on Instagram tho.

Boundaries people!

Bubbinsmakesthree Mon 12-Sep-16 12:59:45

I think Facebook makes some suggestions based on your location - so if you both use a smartphone with location services on your bus journey you might just have popped up. Still a bit weird to friend request you, but some people just friend request pretty liberally.

I'd ignore it.

SestraClone Mon 12-Sep-16 12:59:46

He has seen me on the bus with my DH and I have seen him with his partner, so bloody inappropriate if he was after something!

SaucyJack Mon 12-Sep-16 12:59:46

*sat next to

SestraClone Mon 12-Sep-16 13:01:24

Saucy and bubbles, that makes sense - it would also explain other weird friend requests I got recently! (people who I had spotted in the street in a different town then added me to FB, turned out to be a Juice Plus seller though!!)

papayasareyum Mon 12-Sep-16 13:02:00

Do you post on any local groups for your town or village? He might have seen a post, clicked on your profile out of curiosity and pressed the add friend button by mistake (this is very easy to do, done it myself!)

DiegeticMuch Mon 12-Sep-16 13:02:02

We can only speculate as to his motives. I'm not sure how Instagram works but Facebook may have worked out that you're regularly in the same area, and suggested you to him. I remember returning from a trip to Bakewell a couple of years ago ,and having random people from that area pop up as suggestions afterwards.

If you're uncomfortable, don't accept the request and continue to ignore him on the bus.

MrsJoeyMaynard Mon 12-Sep-16 13:03:28

It is weird. I wondered if you could have popped up on his "people you might know" bit too. Although most of the people popping up on mine have at least one mutual friend.

TheWitTank Mon 12-Sep-16 13:10:53

I got this the other day from our local postie (didn't know he was the postman until he mentioned it). Never spoken to him, don't know him at all, wouldnt recongnise him. Suffice it to say, we are not now "friends". I only accepted reading the first message as I thought it was from a company I had contacted about doing some work for me!

SestraClone Mon 12-Sep-16 13:12:15

Ok, happier now that there are some reasonable explanations. Think I was over-reacting with visions of him internet searching me grin Thanks!

SestraClone Mon 12-Sep-16 13:13:40

TheWitTank, that is so inappropriate! I would be tempted to report that message to his work shock

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