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To think children don't come in pairs

(167 Posts)
MerylPeril Mon 12-Sep-16 09:51:37

Going for a day trip yesterday with my BF and DD. Texted DDs BF mother to see if she would also like to come (and keep her occupied) she never goes anywhere also.

Mother texts back to say no because I am not taking her much younger sister and she would be jealous!
They didn't do anything else either, just sat at home.

I didn't have room in the car btw and I didn't want to take her even if I did

She's much younger and the girls don't want to play with her, she would spend the whole day hanging off my arm complaining.....

Why can't I invite one FFS

RubbleBubble00 Mon 12-Sep-16 09:53:00

You can but mums choice (I agree with u though)

IAmAPaleontologist Mon 12-Sep-16 09:53:52

I think that's just her, I don't know anybody else who does that!

Arseicle Mon 12-Sep-16 09:55:22

Plenty of people do that. I think its ridiculous but its not your business or mine, she doesn't have to lend you a kid to entertain yours!

MerylPeril Mon 12-Sep-16 10:00:05

As I said she also doesn't take her children anywhere so it was to be nice also.

And yes you do take other children along to entertain yours, I had friends along to day trips for company/keep me entertained when I was a child.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Mon 12-Sep-16 10:04:44

You set the terms of your invite and she declined. I can't see the problem.

If she had just turned up with the little one and presumed it was a two for one deal you'd have something to complain about.

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 12-Sep-16 10:05:46

I have a friend similar to this but not as bad, in your instance she would have let her dd go but would have had to do something special with her ds, not in a way to use it as a chance for one on one time but because "he'll go mad/it's not fair", if she's having one of the dd's friends over in can only be on a day that suits her ds's friends too and vice versa. So different in that she'd let her go but create drama about the other child. I don't get it but then I come from a bigger family so it was just never done for us whereas she only had one sibling so I assumed that's what she is used to

Frazzled2207 Mon 12-Sep-16 10:13:43

As a frazzled mum of two if a friend had offered to take one of mine for a day out I'd have bitten her arm off and sent extra spending money for both children.
But it's her decision, odd IMO but hers.
From my point of view it's much easier to spend quality time with one kid if the other is other is elsewhere too!

Planty18 Mon 12-Sep-16 10:19:10

Maybe they had actually planned to have a relaxing day together at home. I have said no to things when I've had no plans but just want my kids to have fun together, her choice really. Maybe the youngest one will miss the older one and then it becomes a nightmare day for her. Shame for older one though.

MerylPeril Mon 12-Sep-16 10:19:21

The way the message was written it was like she was trying to guilt me into it - but i didn't physically have the room in the car!

She has said a few times about her children coming in pairs (I should have said) but I didn't think she would mean it if one missed out on something

Planty18 Mon 12-Sep-16 10:22:43

Oh I see, sorry I think I have misunderstood- so she asked if you could take both? Yanbu, you don't have to do that at all but her choice to decline I guess. A few friends of mine's parents used to do this. Drop both kids off for tea. Used to drive my mum mad!!

RhiWrites Mon 12-Sep-16 10:23:35

If it's and uncle or aunt or grandparents wanting to take one kid out and not the other that's a problem - unless taking turns.

When it's the mum of a friend then you don't ask for the other to be included.

It's sad. Your DD's friend will miss out on lots of things because mum won't let her go without her sister.

Did you invite another friend for DD instead?

KondosSecretJunkRoom Mon 12-Sep-16 10:29:00

But if she has said 'a few times' that her children are always paired up, I can see why she may have thought that you wereinviting the pair of them. So I can't see why you are surprised that she asked if you were inviting both children.

^^ And all that sounds like I agree with what she's doing, which I don't. But at the very least, she seems honest and upfront about her expectations.

pictish Mon 12-Sep-16 10:29:32

Yanbu...she is. The silly woman is ensuring her kids never get asked anywhere.
When ds1 was little I used to take a friend along to activities with us so he had company. I think this is ordinary.

LugsTheDog Mon 12-Sep-16 10:31:41

Of course you can just invite one. Of course she can decline. Don't read too much into it.

Maybe her DD1 has had more treats/parties/outings than her sister anyway lately, it's got to the point where it's getting unfair. Especially if they don't have many treats.

Yorkieheaven Mon 12-Sep-16 10:33:04

Yes it's more commen than you think and agree it's crazy. We offered up take dds friend to a theme park and mum refused as her much younger brother would sulk and she could sort out a similar trip for him.

Crazy parenting in my view.

She sounds cheeky and silly op. Ignore

Sierra259 Mon 12-Sep-16 10:34:35

If her main reason was really only because the younger sister would be jealous then YANBU. Children need to learn that they can't always be involved with what their siblings are invited to (birthday parties etc) and it's hardly fair for the sibling who then can't go to stuff if their brother/sister isn't invited! I wouldn't turn down an invite for one of mine, just because the other one might kick off!

She might have had other reasons though, like not being able to afford it, or wanting a day with both of them together. Her choice.

Lovelyideas Mon 12-Sep-16 10:40:34

I have had to tell a friend in no uncertain terms that "we come as a four".

This friend and I had always socialised as families, starting off when we had toddler+babies. Then her son wanted to spend time with my older son (who was very sought after) but without the inconvenience of my younger son (who had SN and was not). my older son was perfectly happy either way but had expected to continue the socialising-as-families thing.

The mum started to tell me how my older son was losing out, which was crossing a line, so I had to tell her where we stood as a family.

Thankfully both my kids now hang out in a big gang on the street where all siblings are always welcome - we have been truly fortunate in having that. My friend found someone else to go on the playdates and has gradually come back to socialising with us - as families, again.

So I'm just saying there could be a backstory - different from mine, no doubt - and to just accept that her situation may be different to yours.

have fun on your day out

Herzie29 Mon 12-Sep-16 10:41:26

I still remember the meltdown I had when I was 8 and my sister was invited out by friends and I wasn't allowed to go. It wasn't pretty, but it was absolutely the right things for my mum to have agreed. The best thing for my sister who needed to have some time without me tagging along and the right thing for me too. I needed to learn that we don't always get to to do everything our sibling does.

LaContessaDiPlump Mon 12-Sep-16 10:44:15

I have two very close together and have NEVER asked for DS2 to be taken along as well on any outings; I think they spend so much time in each other's pockets that they benefit from time apart!

I find her attitude a bit odd but there you go.

Arseicle Mon 12-Sep-16 10:50:43

And yes you do take other children along to entertain yours, I had friends along to day trips for company/keep me entertained when I was a child

You might want them to, but nobody owes you the use of their child, if it doesn't suit them!

Yorkieheaven Mon 12-Sep-16 10:56:24

we come as a four

Isn't that a bit stifling for you kids? At some point kids need to strike out without siblings and parents hanging on.

Will you all go to uni as a 4? wink

tiggytape Mon 12-Sep-16 10:57:22

I find the attitude odd too but it's not that unusual and it's up to her.

When my DD was very young a local family delayed their older daughter starting Brownies until her younger sister was old enough to join too. It seemed bonkers to me that they wouldn't let one start without the other but apparently "it wasn't fair" (it wasn't a logistics concern at all - they just had a really strict philosophy about the siblings always doing everything together eg party invites etc).

Presumably, as the children get older, they will get more vocal about missing out.

MTWTFSS Mon 12-Sep-16 10:59:27

YANBU! That mum sounds nuts!

pictish Mon 12-Sep-16 11:00:09

Arseisle no...but if your reasoning is that you feel siblings should be invited too, then please expect the invites to dry up.
Shame for the kid.

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