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AIBU?

AIBU to complain about the neighbour's ds?

32 replies

BigginsforPope · 12/09/2016 08:33

He is 15 and my dd is 13. There are around 10 children on our little street who all play together, a few older 10 - 15 age and some more primary aged kids. All great, any fall outs quickly dealt with and forgotten. However yesterday kids were outside and next door boy (age 15) asked my dd (age 13) if he could lick her nipples. My ds(8) overheard and told dh straight away.
Dh was fuming as we think it is totally inappropriate thing to say.

In the past parents have just sorted things between the children rather than complaining to each other and things are sorted quickly. We thought it was better this time if we spoke to the adults so last night I went round.

Was IBU to go round or should I have mentioned it to the boy?
By the way I hate conflict and I am not looking forward to seeing them at school today.

OP posts:

Report

IceRoadDucker · 12/09/2016 08:34

YANBU.

What did the parents say?

Imnotaslimjim · 12/09/2016 08:36

YANBU at all! I'd be straight round there.

MLGs · 12/09/2016 08:39

Yanbu. You need to go round there and any decent parent would want to be told!

PovertyPain · 12/09/2016 08:39

Dirty little bastard, already making inappropriate comments to young females. Def speak to the parents and don't let them brush it off. If he was 16 this could be arrested, so he needs to know this is completely out of order. You also need to teach your daughter that she can tell someone like this to back off, without feeling embarrased, rude, or lacking in a sense if humour. You know, all those stupid feeling that young female indoctrinated with, growing up. You're poor wee daughter.

strongswans · 12/09/2016 08:41

YANBU that's appealing, the parents need to know. What did they say?

PovertyPain · 12/09/2016 08:41

Actually I'm sure he does know this is out of order, at his age. He just thinks it's ok to speak to women like they are there for men's pleasure.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 12/09/2016 08:43

At 15, he should know better. YANBU.

ohtheholidays · 12/09/2016 09:06

Of course you weren't wrong.

If it was one of our DC it was said to I don't know weather it would be better if I or my DH went round to deal with.I can't honestly imagine either of us keeping our cool,well done to you the OP with dealing with it without going nuclear.

ChicRock · 12/09/2016 09:08

YANBU. I'd have gone to the parents too. What was their reaction, what did they say?

MeridianB · 12/09/2016 09:40

That's scary. YADNBU to take this very seriously. Have you spoken to his parents already?

BigginsforPope · 12/09/2016 12:33

I spoke to his parents last night. The boy's dad said he will talk to him and I do trust him. They are decent neighbours and apart from this incident their kids are normally good, for example when dd started high school the boy next door was really helpful with showing dd which bus to get etc. I do think of it as a "one off" incident. Instead of getting the bus this morning the dad took his son in the car so DD hasn't seen them.

DD was really relaxed about the whole thing. She did tell him to go away at the time and came indoors to us. Dh was ready to go and shout at the neighbours so I went (as I am a little more diplomatic) but they were fine about it. I did think that if this had happened at school then I would be reporting it to school so therefore I should talk the parents.

OP posts:

justilou · 12/09/2016 12:52

I am glad she told him to go away. My next door neighbour was also two years older, from a nice family, etc and he started saying stuff like that around the same age... He was always a bit creepy, following me around, etc. Pretty sure he'd have been putting cameras in bathrooms if the technology had been available then. I didn't know who to ask for help, as anything I said was minimized and I felt humiliated. His behaviour obviously escalated because he's been in and out of jail most of his adult life for various misogynistic offenses. (Including sexual battery)

MeridianB · 13/09/2016 08:57

Were they shocked though, Biggins?

BigginsforPope · 13/09/2016 11:18

I don''t know and that worries me a little. My dd did receive an apology (by fb message) though so obviously something has been said to the boy. I've not seen the parents yet so I've not been able to talk to them.

I think the seriousness has been downplayed to some extent.

OP posts:

LouBlue1507 · 13/09/2016 11:29

The boy's father has said he'll talk to him and the boy has apologised, what more do you want?

Boys at that age make all sort of stupid comments to try and impress girls, their mates etc. I remember it well! Unfortunately it's an age thing and yes it's inappropriate and mortifies a lot of people, but that's what a lot of boys that age are like. I'm glad your DD saw it for the joke it probably was and told him to go away. He's been told by his parents it's offended and inappropriate and he's apologised... Let it go.

WannaBe · 13/09/2016 11:33

Agree with PP, he's apologised, the parents have said they will talk to him. As long as he knows it's inappropriate then what more do people want? and yes, boys of that age do make those kinds of comments, and girls do as well.

The posts from poverty upthread are completely OTT.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/09/2016 11:38

I would just regard it as a one off silly comment. Any hints of the kid being predatory or dangerous is over the top. Are there so few parents of teenage boys on here?

Teenage boys can often be really silly. Obvs teenage girls can be too.

ReginaBlitz · 13/09/2016 11:39

I may be in the minority here,but your daughter is 13 not 6 then I would be worried. This is the sort of immature crap kids say.

SabineUndine · 13/09/2016 11:45

I don't think Poverty's posts are OTT. This lad needs to learn respect for women now and he needs to be pulled up for this behaviour.

WannaBe · 13/09/2016 11:48

LFC I think most parents of teenage boys are almost afraid to speak out because of all the frankly ridiculous over reactions that ensue in response to these kinds of situations.

The girl is thirteen. In terms of maturity she's probably more sexually aware than he is. She told him to go away, so at least she is self-aware and able to stick up for herself. The boy is a bit of a Pratt and if he were mine he'd be getting a stern talking to, but to brand these kids, and they are still kids, as predatory at this stage is completely OTT.

PovertyPain · 13/09/2016 12:02

Oh that's ok then,we'll just let teenage boys talk to female children whatever way they want. After all that's just boys isn't it? We really shouldn't pay any heed to how the females are affected. It's not as if girls/women are wolf whistled at in the street, have comments thrown at them by strange men, or treated as if they are there for men's pleasure. I'm sure all the boys at that age ask girls if they can lick their nipples, but don't worry that's just boys, isn't it? I'm sure if we ignore this behaviour, he won't grow up to be chauvinistic.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/09/2016 12:08

No one said ignore it

There is a wide grey area between saying it's not acceptable and a massive overreaction

It's not acceptable. And he should be told. However twatty comments by teenage boys and girls is to be expected and addressed.

KoalaDownUnder · 13/09/2016 12:10

The girl is thirteen. In terms of maturity she's probably more sexually aware than he is.

I'm a bit sick of this kind of thing on mumsnet. The whole 'Girls mature so much more quickly, whereas boys are still goofy lads at 23' trope.

It's bullshit. I was nowhere near as sexually aware as a 15-year-old boy when I was 13. Two years is a lot when you're in highschool.

Let's stop infantilising teenage boys, because 15 is well and truly old enough to know that you can't ask girls to lick their nipples.

KoalaDownUnder · 13/09/2016 12:11

(Not that I think much else needs to be done, in this case. Just that those types of comments are starting to grate.)

RubbleBubble00 · 13/09/2016 12:15

Im not sure why u think the seriousness has been downplayed. You don't know the parents havnt had a chat as they said they would and put appropiate punishment in place ie grounded, being taken to school, no electronics.

Do you want them publicly screaming at him in the street? Make him do a fake face to face apology?

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