To give up choir.

(16 Posts)

I'm depressed at the moment and that makes me less willing to go out and do stuff than normal (and I am a bit reclusive at the best of times).

The depression might be clouding my judgement, but I am really not looking forward to choir restarting this week - I don't like going out in the evening, I don't really enjoy rehearsing or the performance, and the fact that I can't sing as well as I used to depresses me too.

But if I quit, I will only have one hobby that involves me going outside the house and being with other people (knitting group), plus I am one-third of the second alto section, plus a committee member and I run the choir's social media profile and website, so I will be letting people down if I leave.

Dh thinks it is good for me to carry on with choir, but I am not sure. He might be right - it might be bad for me to become more reclusive/housebound, but should I carry on with something I am not enjoying? But if the depression is affecting my perception of whether I enjoy it or not, maybe leaving would be a bad move.

What would you do?

DeadGood Sun 11-Sep-16 16:22:07

I'm not sure if this is good advice, but would suspending your membership and committee position for a few weeks due to illness be an option?

MrsHathaway Sun 11-Sep-16 16:25:59

Should you do something you don't enjoy at the best of times, just because DH thinks it's good for you and some people who aren't your friends would be slightly disadvantaged until they found someone else to do your "job"?

Well now, let me see.

I think knitting clubs are far more social than choirs (I have done both) and I would imagine you'd get far more emotional support from knitters you're chatting to for an hour or so than singers who aren't talking at all for the majority of the session.

Is there another knitting group? There appear to be three in my village, one of which is in a pub. If knitting works for you then why not try more knitting?

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Enb76 Sun 11-Sep-16 16:28:46

I am a member of two choirs - glutton for punishment. One, I am not excited to go to but they need me as I'm a soloist, the other I love going to but am not a soloist. Sometimes the choir you're in is not the right choir for you. Is there another group about?

I will be leaving the second choir after Christmas. Sometimes it's not the depression, it's the choir. I imagine your depression is why you think you can't sing as well as you used to, and the choir reluctance is because you're not happy with the choir - which is perfectly reasonable and not connected to your depression. My advice would be to look for a new choir and don't jump ship from your current one until you've found it. It's good to get out of the house, but not so great if the choir makes you miserable. I sing because along with the exercise I do, it keeps the clouds from descending too close

Falderal Sun 11-Sep-16 16:51:26

I suffer from depression & sing in a choir - I think that the exercise & deep breathing of a choir rehearsal are a real help with my depression; I drag myself along on bad days & always feel better afterwards.
If you are dragging yourelf along and NOT feeling any better for it, then maybe a different choir, or step back & stick with your social media role for a season?
Good luck

harderandharder2breathe Sun 11-Sep-16 17:13:01

Maybe if you drop some of the extra bits you would enjoy choir more?

Is it something you dread but then enjoy when you get there? I have depression and often really can't face the thought of going to Brownies, but when I'm there it's a couple of hours of being kept busy and out of my own head, and i always feel better afterwards. Even so, there have been days when I cancelled (we are lucky and have enough adults that I can miss a week without it affecting the children) because I was too ill.

Mishaps Sun 11-Sep-16 17:21:38

Try joining an informal community choir - they are less serious and more sociable.

SecretNutellaFix Sun 11-Sep-16 17:22:50

I would stick with the choir.

Even if just for the reason you get out of the house on another night in the week. Especially as we come in to winter when it's so easy due to weather conditions to think "I'll give it a miss".

I have no outside groups I can attend for any of my hobbies, due to the times they meet, work being in differing shifts every week, no transport, panic inducing anxiety at actually having to leave the house and be sociable with people I don't yet know in a place I don't know. As a result if I didn't work, I can honestly say I wouldn't leave the house.

DH drags me out to do stuff so we have a social life together, but whereas he will meet up with friends on his day off, I don't like bothering people to meet up.

Give it till Christmas, but look for another musical outlet maybe?

MatildaTheCat Sun 11-Sep-16 17:28:12

Do you love it when you are there and feel glad you went afterwards? If so then try to keep going. If not, perhaps scale back and consider leaving but find another activity to replace it to avoid becoming reclusive -- get a dog--.

AntiHop Sun 11-Sep-16 17:29:49

When you are feeling well, do you enjoy it?

TorchesTorches Sun 11-Sep-16 17:30:39

I would give it a fixed time period, like up to the next concert. Go to it on probation and examine how you feel before, during and after a rehearsal. (ie positive or negative) if its all negative, leave after the next concert. This way you can properly evaluate and give it a chance. No need to feel guilty. It might not be the right choir for you, or it has'gone off'. Or if might be the anticipation that is bad, but doing it is still fun.

Good advice from everyone - thank you for taking the time.

I think that I will do as Torches suggests, and see how things go.

Unfortunately I can't drop the committee/social media stuff, as we are already losing two major committee post holders this year - and as happens so often, very few people are willing to step up and do the jobs.

AnnieOnnieMouse Sun 11-Sep-16 17:59:56

I have been going through similar feelings, OP. A couple of years ago I was in 2 choirs; a rather good choral society, and a community choir. I left the choral society, and stuck with the community choir. I do feel good when I attend, but I have just come off the committee there, too.
I suggest keeping going for a while, and ask if someone will help you out with your duties a little - an assistant secretary/treasurer/whatever. People seem to be more willing to help a little than to take on named positions. That would take the pressure off you, while (secretly) training someone up to replace you. Quite a lot has been written on the positive effects of singing on mental health. One good thing about choirs is that any socialising is secondary to the singing, so it's easier to go if you're feeing a bit antisocial one day.

DeathStare Sun 11-Sep-16 18:00:17

I was going to say the same as Torches. Why not go for a month and then review it?

Remember you could always temporarily stand down from some of your other duties to the choir, if they are too much, but still go and sing.

AnyTheWiser Sun 11-Sep-16 18:40:46

If you can, stick with the choir. There has been research that shows that singing is very good for our mental and emotional health as well as our physical well-being.
Perhaps relinquishing your duties for a while would be a good idea though.
I hope you're feeling more yourself soon thanks

Thank you all - wonderful MNers! thanks

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