If a teacher sends ill child to the office they should call parent, not inspect their lunchbox

[FamiliarSting]

My daughter is 7 and has just started in year 3.
On Friday morning she was feeling a bit ill, temperature of 38 ish, so I gave her some calpol and sent her in, telling her to see how she goes and to tell the teacher if she was still feeling unwell.

When she got home on Friday afternoon she was much worse, temperature of 39.6, she said she’d been feeling awful all day. She told her teacher in the morning, who apparently told her to see how she feels later (fair enough), she still felt bad in the afternoon so her teacher sent her to the office. I’m not certain what happened next, but the deputy head teacher was involved, she apparently asked to see my daughter’s packed lunch, to check how much food she had eaten, and from this concluded she was not unwell enough to go home, or even for me to be called.

I am very annoyed. I am not sure what time she was sent to the office, but it was before PE and assembly, so she then spent at least another hour minimum in school feeling very unwell. If the deputy had time to go and inspect her lunchbox surely there was time to call me? What does how much she ate have to do with anything? And how was she even able to tell how much she’d eaten as she didn’t see it when it was full. For the record she ate a cheese sandwich made with one slice of bread, and some strawberries and blueberries. I didn’t give her much that day so all that was left were a few crisps that I put in a box and some nuts.

I don’t know what to do now, but I’ve lost confidence that school will contact me if there is a problem or my children are feeling unwell. Is it because she’s in year 3 now? Even so, surely if the class teacher decides she seems ill enough to send her to the office they should contact me?
Would I be unreasonable to not let it go and to talk to the school about it? But what do I even say to get my point across without seeming arsy or becoming ‘that parent’.
Her attendance at school has been good the past 2 years (they sent a snotty letter home when she was in reception as she was ill a lot)

I don’t want a confrontation but I want to be reassured that if she’s feeling really bad they’ll call me.

[BarbarianMum]

Next time she needs calpol to make her well enough for school, keep her home. Maybe they should have acted differently but what did you think would happen after the dose wore off?

[Witchend]

Well I can see where they're coming from as it is one method of gauging how ill my dc are. Of they're claiming they feel sick, but then eat a huge breakfast there usually isn't anything wrong with them other,than they fancy a lazy day at home not school.
And it's usually in the first couple of questions the doctor,asks "have they gone off their food?"

[WorraLiberty]

I suppose she would have been able to tell how much she'd eaten, by asking your DD what was in her packed lunch, and how much she'd eaten?

I'm a bit torn on this one really because she had a bit of a raised temperature and that's not always a good enough reason to phone parents immediately.

I'm sure if she became really ill, you would have been informed.

Some schools can't do right for doing wrong, because I know plenty of parents (especially working parents) who get pissed off with the school ringing every time their child has so much as a cough.

Perhaps whoever dropped her off should have spoken to the teacher that morning?

[Ego147]

Did you ring school during the day to check on her? Given you'd sent her in with Calpol?

Making the decision to phone a parent is a biggy - although it does give you the chance to make the decision to come and collect or not.

[budgiegirl]

I do feel for schools a bit, sometimes it must be very difficult to know when to call parents.

I think YABU to send her to school in the first place, seeing as she had a temperature and needed medicine for it .

[t4nut]

Perhaps the school thought if she was well enough to come in and well enough to eat lunch then she was well enough to make it till home time.

Calm down, you're overreacting and BU.

[Sunshineonacloudyday]

I wouldn't say anything you are going to wind yourself up otherwise. Next time this happens send her in as normal and tell the teacher and the office that she has a high temperature so keep an eye on her. The head teacher is worried about her ofsted not how you're child feels. I'm sorry to post bad news but that is how all schools are.

They don't have nurses in primary schools anymore do they. It was the nurse who checked you're temperature and bandaged you up if you had a fall in school.

[Boundaries]

Did you contact the school to tell them she had needed Calpol in the morning?

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

You sent an unwell child to school & are angry that the school kept her there?

[Balletgirlmum]

And if the op kept her dd off every time she felt a bit offside she'd be getting an attendance letter sent home.

[Waltermittythesequel]

You thought she was well enough to go into school.

Deputy thought she was well enough to stay in school.

You both made a judgement call. If you were that worried, you should have kept her home.

[OhTheRoses]

As you sent her to school with a temperature in the first place I think the school probably took the view you wanted her to be at school and tried to support that. To be fair if she ate a cheese sandwich and fruit she probably wasn't that poorly.

[Trifleorbust]

Some kids will make a mountain out of a molehill. It's not a good idea to simply take their word for it and call home. Better to have the office make a judgement call.

[redskytonight]

You judged your child well enough to go to school in the morning. School later judged them well enough to stay at school until home time (which presumably wasn't long away). For some reason you are cross with the school for misjudging but not yourself?

[budgiegirl]

And if the op kept her dd off every time she felt a bit offside she'd be getting an attendance letter sent home

Having a temperature is usually a bit more than just feeling 'a bit off'. It's a sign that the body is fighting an illness.

If parents would keep kids off kids when they're ill, rather than sending them to school, fewer germs would be passed round, and there would be less overall absense.

[FamiliarSting]

Interesting replies. Thanks.

Yep, I sent her in with a fever, but knowing my daugher, she wasn't that unwell at that point, usually first thing in the morning she/I feel worse when a bit unwell, but feel better as the day goes on.

As I said, when she was in reception they sent a letter home about her attendance, as she had quite a few days off. She gets a fever a lot, but below about 38.5 she deals with it well, around 39 she's noticably worse. So several times I've sent her in when I'm a bit torn about whether to keep her home or not, usually she perks up.

And no, I did not ring school, I will do next time, then hopefully if she is sent to the office they'll call me.
In previous classes it's been easier to talk to the teacher in the morning, so I'd mention if she was a bit unwell, but it's not possible now that she's in year 3 as there's no time to grab a quick word with the teacher in the morning.

[bumbleclat]

If your child needs call then they're not well enough to be in school, simple as that.

[Metalguru]

In this situation I always tell the teacher I have given calpol and say if they don't seem well later to call me. Calpol masks everything so the teacher wouldn't have known she had actually been feeling unwell the whole day. I'm sure if you had said this then they would have called you when the calpol wore off and it was clear she was poorly.

[FamiliarSting]

I guess I should ask the school if they have a policy on sending kids in with a temperature. I'd happily keep her at home every time she has a fever, but she does get them quite a lot and I don't want any more snotty letters, and also she often does cope really well with a mild fever, as I said above.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I'd ask them what they want you to do in that scenario. Send in calpolled up or keep off and ask them if lunch boxes are always going to be inspected when a child is unwell.

Ime it's irrelevant if a child eats loads. Mine mostly still ate even when ill.

[Metalguru]

Crossed posts. Why isn't there time anymore? A member of staff should always be available for you to speak to at drop off, even if it's only admin staff. I'd be annoyed if it wasn't possible to do this at all.

[Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse]

For every post like this they'll be another one that asks AIBU to think the school should not have called me to come and get DS/DD as they were well enough to eat their lunch etc etc so I agree it's a tough call for the school. BUT you sent her to school with a temp 38c? That's 101f. Over 100f is considered a fever. I personally would not send a young child to school with a temperature that high especially as a young child's condition can change so rapidly.

[clam]

but knowing my daughter,

Yes, well, that's the key thing, isn't it? Of course, you know your daughter, and you still got it wrong. The school, especially in a new class, do not know your daughter, plus they have 29 others in the class, and hundreds in the school to also have to make judgement calls on.

Also, if I had a pound for every time a small child said they felt unwell during the day, (when usually that's code for them not fancying going out to play in a chilly playground, or that maths is a bit hard at the moment) I sure as hell wouldn't still be in teaching, where some parents seem to think that everything is our fault.

Next time your child has a temperature and you feel that Calpol is required, either keep her home, or tell the fecking teacher. We're not mindreaders.

[Brightbluebells]

It is highly unlikely that the headteacher will be 'worried about her Ofsted' in relation to sending a poorly child home. It would have no bearing on Ofsted at all.

I think YABU. You sent her to school knowing that she wasn't well. Maybe if you had let the school know that she had a high temperature in the morning, that you had given her Calpol and that you would like them to phone you if she became unwell, you might be in the right. However, you sent your child to school poorly and didn't feel the need to inform them.

I do think that is one if those areas where schools really can't win. If you don't feel it is necessary to communicate with school when you know your child is ill, why shouldn't the teachers use their own judgement when assessing if your daughter was well enough to stay in school? To say you have lost confidence in the school as a result of this is a huge over reaction as no harm was caused to your daughter by having to remain in school.

This thread should really be: was I unreasonable in sending my child to school knowing she was ill and having given her Calpol without letting anyone at school know?

[WyfOfBathe]

I disagree that Calpol automatically means that a child's too ill to be in school. I got recurring ear infections when I was about that age, and I would have missed a lot of school if I hadn't gone in every time I needed painkillers for that

However, I would say that a high temperature is a pretty good indication that a child's too ill to go in. The school staff might not have been able to take her temperature though, so they wouldn't have known.

Another time if there's something you need to speak to the teacher about but you don't think you'll be able to catch her at the door, maybe you could write a note for DD to give to her?