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To not want a surprise baby shower?

(45 Posts)
AnArrowToTheKnee Sun 11-Sep-16 14:23:16

One of DHs close friends is throwing a surprise baby shower for me - tonight. I never wanted a baby shower, but this friend has just decided to do it, paid for it, invited people, organised the whole thing. DH told me because he knows I hate surprises, but he thinks it's sweet of her to do something nice for me. I just think it's rude and pushy - fair enough if I'd asked her, but she's just taken it upon herself to organise this without even checking with me.

AIBU to be annoyed? I can't really not go as it's all paid for, but I'm not happy about it. DH thinks I'm just being silly, but I really hate surprise parties and people making a fuss over me.

Amelie10 Sun 11-Sep-16 14:25:26

Well she's hardly done it to be nasty to you hmmyou may not like it, but it's done now. So you can go there with a miserable face or just appreciate that she has done something kind for you even if you don't think so.

WorraLiberty Sun 11-Sep-16 14:26:07

I don't think you're being silly, as I find baby showers really quite crass.

However, she's not being rude or pushy either.

She's trying to do something nice for you, but quite why she's assuming you'd like a baby shower is confusing.

How does she not know how you feel about them?

pollyblack Sun 11-Sep-16 14:26:47

I agree i would hate it too. However its done now so you may as well go in good grace and try to enjoy being spoiled.

IHaveBrilloHair Sun 11-Sep-16 14:29:44

Oh God, I hate surprises and find baby showers naff and twee, my worst nightmare.
That doesn't really help you and in this case I think you'll have to suck it up but Infeel your pain.

RaeSkywalker Sun 11-Sep-16 14:35:52

I'd be more annoyed at DH if it turned out that he knew I hated surprises and had colluded in the planning process.

I think she's trying to do something nice for you. Just go and try to enjoy it- I think it's too late to do anything else now.

RaeSkywalker Sun 11-Sep-16 14:36:33

^ I should add that I would have having a baby shower too!

AnArrowToTheKnee Sun 11-Sep-16 14:50:58

Worra she didn't know because she didn't ask, she just presented it to DH as a done deal - she's his friend, we're not massively close, so no reason she would know how I feel about stuff like this. If she'd asked him, he would have told her not to do it, though that might not have stopped her.

WorraLiberty Sun 11-Sep-16 14:56:40

Oh sorry OP

I missed that she was your DH's friend, rather than yours.

wayway13 Sun 11-Sep-16 15:11:26

I'd be pretty annoyed too tbh. I don't like baby showers or surprises or anything where I'm the centre of attention. I had a surprise engagement party thrown for me years ago. I hated it. I also had three separate hen nights pushed on me. I didn't even want my wedding but did it for DH. I sound bloody miserable, I know, but it isn't my idea of fun and people need to respect that (FWIW I love going to friends' parties and celebrating with them). Your DH should have stuck up for you. His friend is obviously trying to be nice but I'd still be hacked off. Can you be "ill"?

coconutpie Sun 11-Sep-16 15:11:28

Why should you go? She should have asked first - she's not even your friend! Tell him he can tell his friend that you have plans made and you are unable to attend.

andintothefire Sun 11-Sep-16 15:14:23

That sounds like one of my worst nightmares, so I really sympathise! I think you have every right to be annoyed and she had no right to organise it without checking with you, especially since she apparently made no attempt to gauge your likely reaction and is not a close friend.

Having said that, I don't think there is anything you can do. Try to enjoy it as much as you can - and don't feel you have to stay for hours if you don't feel up to it! It's one of those situations where you just have to grin and bear it.

QuackDuckQuack Sun 11-Sep-16 15:14:28

I'd hate it and be very tempted not to turn up. Who has she invited?

britneyscarpoolkaraoke Sun 11-Sep-16 15:16:45

I know this is a terrible thing to do but either I'd have a prior engagement that i absolutely couldn't cancel or I'd just be ill and have to take to my bed. I hate fuss and surprises and pure stubbornness would make me not attend.

Crunchymum Sun 11-Sep-16 15:19:39

So basically a random is throwing you a baby shower?

Odd.

I'd be inclined to have a 'headache' and not go.

If she doesn't know you that well and hasn't included DH in her plans how did she contact all your friends and family? confused

I got wind that my manager was going to throw me a surprise baby shower and I made sure colleague who told me relayed my exact response = 'tell her not to organise me a fucking surprise baby shower'

icouldabeenacontender Sun 11-Sep-16 15:21:36

That's bloody awful britney.

Op I feel your pain, but I think you are just going to have to be gracious, she appears to have done it with the best of intentions?
Try and enjoy the pampering, there won't be many once the baby arrives wink

IFailDaily Sun 11-Sep-16 15:23:54

How odd.
For all she knows, one of your close friends might have also arranged a shower for you.
Very strange!

AnArrowToTheKnee Sun 11-Sep-16 15:31:34

Crunchymum I gather it's mostly the women from DHs friendship group - so people I know, his mates wives and girlfriends, but nobody particularly close to me. My close friends are scattered up and down the country and I don't really have any family beyond DH, DS and the ILs.

wayway13 Sun 11-Sep-16 15:47:53

Also, who throws a surprise baby shower at night?? I'm 36w and I'm in bed by 7pm. Say you're too ill. Your DH isn't allowed to be annoyed at you.

Thinnestofthinice Sun 11-Sep-16 16:02:10

It has been done with thoughtless albeit nice intentions...it'll be a few hours of your life and it might be shite but you might even enjoy it. You not going would be so embarrassing for your partner and you wouldn't look very nice. Everybody coming is making the effort to give up their time to do something nice for you, get a grip and go along with it for a few hours.

coconutpie Sun 11-Sep-16 16:29:25

So basically it's an excuse for your DH's friend and HER friends to throw a party? You aren't friends with any of these people! Don't attend.

VimFuego101 Sun 11-Sep-16 16:31:46

YANBU - I would hate this.

acsec Sun 11-Sep-16 16:35:03

My mum wanted to throw me a baby shower and luckily told me as I do not want one. I told her no thank you, we'll invite people round once baby is here so they can meet baby.

If a friend of DH's had organised a surprise one with her friends for me, I wouldn't go!

Alconleigh Sun 11-Sep-16 16:35:15

What a peculiar thing for her to do if she's not really your friend and nor are the invitees.....I'd not be racing to attend if I were you either.

Artandco Sun 11-Sep-16 16:41:52

Wierd. I would have hated a baby shower, if somebody organised a surprise one it would have been very awkward and unwanted

A) I don't want to play tacky baby games
B) I want to buy and choose my own stuff, I don't want to need others to buy stuff
C) buffet food provided - my idea of hell

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