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that my house my rules?

(47 Posts)
dafi Sun 11-Sep-16 13:21:41

I moved to a country where woman wear heavy cotton clothes in tropical weather, I dont speak their language and I am different in skin colour and hair so i draw a lot of attention to myself. I wear same type of clothing when going outside for shopping or visiting family but I am myself in my home. I was never a fan for too reviling clothes and even here I wear long skirt but a stripy blouse and thats where problem begins. My PIL requested my husband to cover me up because they feel shy? so he does because I make other guests uncomfortable? aibu?

Soubriquet Sun 11-Sep-16 13:22:46


If they are uncomfortable, they know where the front door is

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe Sun 11-Sep-16 13:25:10

YANBU but if you've married into a Muslim family and gone to live in your husband's country I suspect t you may lose this battle and it's his mothers way or the highway, even in your own home.

Trifleorbust Sun 11-Sep-16 13:34:26

YANBU: Your home, wear what you like. They can always leave.

Afreshstartplease Sun 11-Sep-16 13:40:17

Yanbu this would make me wear my bikini around the house

rollonthesummer Sun 11-Sep-16 13:41:44

Do you live in your own house with your husband? Or do you live in your in law's house?

DerekSprechenZeDick Sun 11-Sep-16 13:42:46

Just wear this

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe Sun 11-Sep-16 13:46:34

What do you mean by they request you to cover up exactly? You've already stated you are wearing a long skirt and a blouse. Is it a long sleeved blouse that doesn't show cleavage? Or at least a blouse that cover your shoulders and elbows?

Soubriquet Sun 11-Sep-16 13:47:20

Well that's an......interesting bikini Derek grin

WorraLiberty Sun 11-Sep-16 13:51:08

I'm confused.

Your husband does cover your up, or your husband requested you cover up?

Out of interest, which country were you born and raised in?

BabyGanoush Sun 11-Sep-16 13:51:46

A muslim country?

2kids2dogsnosense Sun 11-Sep-16 13:52:21

I hope for her sake there isn't a swarm of locusts on the horizon, Derek

harderandharder2breathe Sun 11-Sep-16 13:54:03

If you're living in their home yabu as presumably you knew the cultural rules and expectations before you moved there

In your own home yanbu especially since you're hardly wandering round in a skimpy bikini

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 11-Sep-16 13:54:25

It sounds as if your dhs family are pretty conservative. Am I correct? What do other people do? Do you have some local friends?

Jizzomelette Sun 11-Sep-16 13:58:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5moreminutes Sun 11-Sep-16 13:59:45

Is a stripy blouse (I know its a typo) a stripey blouse or a strappy blouse?

If you are wearing a long skirt and a little tight vest top with spagetti straps in a country where women always cover shoulders, cleavage and upper arms you might be making your in-laws feel as though they are seeing you in your underwear.

If you live with your in-laws you probably should try to dress in a way that doesn't embarrass them.

If you and your husband have your own household of course you can wear what you like, but if your top is something a non family member would be embarrassed to see you in then perhaps its better to think about whether you would sit in just your bra with English in laws - its your right to do so in your own home, but not very empathetic or conducive to a good relationship...


My PIL requested my husband to cover me up because they feel shy? so he does because I make other guests uncomfortable? aibu?

Makes you sound like an erotic ornament or something though - did you mean to refer to yourself as a passive object to be covered or not by your active husband?

If that is how he sees you you do probably need to re-evaluate staying with him in his country asap!

CoolCarrie Sun 11-Sep-16 14:02:15

Sorry op, but you are on a highway to nothing there if you live with PIL, and even if you & dh are in your own place the expection will be that you cover everything up when you have visitors, doesn't matter that to them that its YOUR new home! The culture of your new country will top everything.
Did you visit before you moved there, to get the feel of the place and an idea of what you were letting yourself in for?

WorraLiberty Sun 11-Sep-16 14:05:22

Since the OP isn't particularly known for coming back to her threads with more than an additional post or two, I've done an AS (saves everyone giving lots of advice on the wrong track).

Her husband is very controlling, the OP isn't particularly happy in the relationship, they've now moved to his country, they own their own house and they're all Christians.

bluebeck Sun 11-Sep-16 14:06:26

Well you can say your house your rules,but do you want to involve yourself with PILS?

If it helps, try to imagine that what you are doing is the equivalent of being a nudist in the UK. Plenty of people do it, they walk around their homes all day in the nude. Most of them would wear clothes if they had visitors, especially PILs.

somekindofmother Sun 11-Sep-16 14:08:17

if your husband covers you up, rather than asks you to cover up cos it makes his very conservative parents feel uncomfortable and you do it, but wish he'd really tell them to one instead, then your biggest problem is you DH imo

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe Sun 11-Sep-16 14:09:10

5moreminutes makes a lot of sense. Even in your own home, if you are making visiting family not know where to look for the best then you should be a bit more sensitive to local customs and sensitivities. You can dress as you like the rest of the time when it's just you and DH.

If you can't cope with that then it was probably I advisable to go and live there.

PotteringAlong Sun 11-Sep-16 14:10:07

If you're making guests in your own home uncomfortable then you need to wear more clothes. If I am by myself in my house I walk around in my pants. Do I do it with guests here because it's my house my rules? Nope, not at all:

Iggi999 Sun 11-Sep-16 14:10:18

There is nothing in the OP that confirms the family are Muslims by the way. There are plenty of religions and cultures that expect women to be covered up.

Soubriquet Sun 11-Sep-16 14:13:07

Well then Worra what a shame really.

She's obviously had time not to move aboard etc etc and done it anyway

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe Sun 11-Sep-16 14:13:50

Thanks Worra.

Hmm, wonder what Christian country it is where they are all so conservative about dress. Christian parts of India like Kerala perhaps?

So the issue is more to do with marrying into a controlling husband from a very patriarchal culture rather than to do with straightforward religious rules.

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