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Aibu not letting parents spend alone time with dc?

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Biasedbutmykidsarethebest Fri 09-Sep-16 20:20:56

Apologies for long post but - Parents and I don't get on at all and for the last few years have ceased day to day communication which I am more than happy with. They live 300miles away, close to my three elderly and increasingly ill grandparents who I've always been close to.

We don't visit often (few times a year for a weekend and there's always drama and a post visit rundown of all I did that was wrong) but I want to be civil so as to make things easier on the rest of the family. Ive just booked to visit and promised my grandpa I'd see my parents when I'm there as was my intention anyway, albeit in small doses. However, after booking and when I issued the invite to my parents to see us and the kids, they basically said to us that seeing my grandparents again is dependant on us 'respecting' them and my grandparents who are dependent on my parents help have said that's what they're going along with (I believe because they think that is enough to sway me into going back into a (what I believe to be hugely toxic) relationship with my parents - it's not).

I believe my parents count 'respecting them' as many things I don't want to do but a sticking point in the past has always been the issue of alone time with my kids (3.5 and 1.5).

My parents did not like my breastfeeding as it meant my kids were 'under a cape' a lot of the time and not able to be fed by them so kept suggesting I stop. My mother also walked my then 3 month old son into a room full of hairspray and refused to take off a raw egg'd apron off to cuddle him. When he was 6 months and I left him alone with her, she encountered a problem feeding him and hid it from me so I returned to a ravenous and burning up baby.

So Aibu? I can do the petty things like seeing them first but aibu to expect my grandparents should be free to see us guilt free, without having to give my parents whom as displayed above, I don't trust with my kids, access alone? Fwiw, my kids can be quite clingy and wouldn't want to be left alone with them anyway.

Aibu and how would you achieve civility without the alone access or getting too involved again? It seems to be an all or nothing with these two.

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