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AIBU?

"You do like to leave a mess".

65 replies

biggles50 · 09/09/2016 13:24

I childmind in home of children. Three lovely kids very well behaved. When the two older are at school and toddler asleep I do ironing, wash up breakfast things, prepare next meal. Leave sink clean, sweep kitchen.Not asked to do ironing but happy to do as I know it helps. So last week I was told off because toddler tore bit of pop up picture from reading book, I should be "promoting" respect for books. Yesterday, a "you do like to leave me with a mess biggles!" because rooms were messy upstairs. Just toys strewn around. I said that although I believe in tidying as you go along it's tricky with children. I'm rather perplexed. I really like the kids, we have a lot of fun and parents are mostly very nice. Do I let this go because husband let slip that she's depressed about working. Maybe she's exhausted when she gets home and can't face tidying up. Or do I just try and be really tidy? I don't want to upset her but then I'm paid below minium wage and I'm feeling a bit unappreciated.

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biggles50 · 09/09/2016 13:26

The mum that is.

OP posts:

Pinkbabe1 · 09/09/2016 13:26

Your not her slave!! I think you do more than an average childminder would do .............

Walkacrossthesand · 09/09/2016 13:27

Maybe stop doing the ironing and their breakfast washing up, and tidy toys away instead? Or suggest this as a solution?

chickenowner · 09/09/2016 13:28

I'd be looking for another job, especially as you're being paid below minimum wage!

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 09/09/2016 13:28

If she wants an au pair or a nanny she can pay for one. The clue is in the job title - you're there to mind the children, nothing else. I wouldn't be doing any more than cleaning up after activities/meals you make them.

HereIAm20 · 09/09/2016 13:28

Why are you being paid below the minimum wage? Are you sure they are paying your national insurance etc.

I think they expect a lot. Are you a nanny/childminder or their cleaner? I am sure there are others out there that would appreciate you more.

VenusRising · 09/09/2016 13:30

If you like these kids, you'll like others.

You're not a slave, and I'd cut back on the housekeeping totally.

Have a look around for more money. I'd love to hire you!

allthecarbs · 09/09/2016 13:30

I wouldn't call yourself a childminder, sounds more like a nanny type set up.

Yanbu though. She has the choice to send the children to a childminder or nursery.

Hagothehills · 09/09/2016 13:30

I would prioritise making sure that the toys etc are all put away when the kids are done playing with them over the ironing that you haven't been asked to do (which is a lovely thing to do don't get me wrong, if you did that for me and left a few toys around I'd be thrilled :) )

Then if you get time do some of the other jobs around the house. Some kinds of clutter wind some people up more than others.

I can't stand dishes in the sink, dp doesn't mind it, he can't stand piles of ironing left in the washing basket, it doesn't bother me too much

fittedcupboard · 09/09/2016 13:31

You're a nanny. Depending on where you are in the country you should be on at least £10-12 per hour gross. She's taking the piss. I bet you've got no contract or paid holiday?

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 09/09/2016 13:32

OP you need to nip these kind of PA comments in the bud.

Next time you see her, deep breath and:

'Please can we talk about what you expect me to be doing during the day? As I see it, I am a CM and therefore my duties don't include housework. Your children will make a mess during the day as that's what children do. I try to tidy up some of it but cannot do all. Do you want to continue with me on that basis or do you think an au pair might suit you better?'

Say it nicely and mean it.

Whathaveilost · 09/09/2016 13:32

I would be narked with that comment and I would bring it up.
I would have to say something like that started like ' you know the other day when you said, 'Oh you do like to leave a mess', well that has really bothered me because............. I feel really unappreciated because of those words. However I just wanted you to know that I do my absolute best with the children.
Then just play it by ear and see what happens next. It's not confrontational but you are not allowing yourself to accept put downs whether they were meant or not.

MLGs · 09/09/2016 13:35

You are a nanny, I'm sure, not a childminder. Childminder would be in your home afaik.

This doesn't sound right to me.

If you do decide to keep working there I would stop doing the ironing. Also I would mention to them that you aren't there to clear up their breakfast things.

Fanjolena · 09/09/2016 13:37

They're not even paying you the right money and are treating like a slave!

RiverTam · 09/09/2016 13:38

Why are you working for less than minimum wage? And I agree, this is a nanny set up, are their paying your national insurance etc?

Time to look for a new job, methinks.

Planty18 · 09/09/2016 13:44

You need to talk to her as others have suggested, tell her how that made you feel and if you want to stay ask what is prioritised - toys, dishes, ironing? Can't believe they leave you to clear up after them.

BoffinMum · 09/09/2016 13:51

Difficult - two women in a house is always hard, especially when one misses her kids and has to go out to work.

Suggest everyone sits down with a cup of tea and develops a proper job description that is sensible and you are happy with.

I think peoples circumstances differ greatly, and i't's not the end of the world to be paid below minimum wage if you have personal reasons for doing so, do not need the money anyway, and it suits you, having made a conscious decision. But they key thing here is to enjoy it and feel appreciated and so on.

That having been said, I have never paid someone below minimum wage.

RattieOfCatan · 09/09/2016 13:51

Firstly, you're not a childminder, you are a nanny. A childminder works from their own home looking after children with contracts and agreements that she sets out.

I'm guessing that they aren't paying you legally (i.e. you are supposed to be employed not self employed for permanent positions!) and I'm also assuming that they've told you that you're a childminder because they want to avoid paying you properly.

Leave. They are taking advantage of you.

Ilovewillow · 09/09/2016 13:52

you sound like a nanny therefore, should certainly not be getting minimum wage. our nanny has just left (son going to pre-school) and we were paying her £14 an hour. she didnt do the ironing either. if you are engaging the children when they come home there is going to be a mess. i would rather that than the house be spotless and the children not playing in case they made a mess. I would speak to her, she may not have meant to come across as she did. Get a job description unless you already have one. I would be very concerned about the salary though and unless they are offering other perks I would be looking for another job!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/09/2016 13:54

I have to agree with PPs - she's not paying you to clean and tidy her home as well, you're there to look after the children. IF she wants you to clean and tidy her home as well, then she needs to pay nanny rates, or get a cleaner/housekeeper as well.

You're already doing more than you're being paid for out of the goodness of your heart - point this out OR stop doing it and see how that pans out for her.

Her depression is not your responsibility.

whyohwhycantisleep · 09/09/2016 13:55

I agree you are not a childminder you are a nanny, we pay our nanny a lot more than minimum wage and she does clean up but if she didn't because she was busy with the kids I wouldn't even think to mention it!

biggles50 · 09/09/2016 13:55

Thanks for all your comments so far. Feeling supported. Yes below minium wage and parents don't want me to declare my earnings even though I've asked them. They said they're not happy getting into sick pay etc. You are of course right about the childminder/cleaner/au pair roles going on here. The children are very sweet I've settled in well, just these uncomfortable remarks. Think I'll be looking for something else, mum isn't a wonderful cleaner. There's adult clutter everywhere, it's obviously seen as my responsibility to keep all the toys tidy. I just used to let mine play and have a big tidy afterwards.

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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/09/2016 13:58

huh, they're definitely taking the piss and advantage of you! Shame for the children, but yes, look for a job with properly defined conditions and appropriate pay!

Letmesleepalready · 09/09/2016 14:00

That's going to affect your NI contributions, and I think it's illegal to not declare it, so I'd pull them up on that!!
As for the tidying you could see if they'd be happy for you to do 10 minutes as they get home, but I wouldn't offer that until the pay situation is sorted. Good luck!

Greengager · 09/09/2016 14:05

If you childmind I home of children you are a nanny - therefore their employee and need to be paid and taxed legally.

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