To think that people who worry about gender stereotyping their kids are a bit OTT

(152 Posts)
ilovemonsters Fri 09-Sep-16 12:40:18

I've Nc'd so if I get flamed/biscuits the shame won't stick wink

So I know this is a hot topic and I might get slandered here but I've seen a lot of posts in threads where parents are worrying about gender stereotyping their kids and I've just seen a post on a Facebook page saying "my daughter loves playing with a scratty old hand me down doll at my parents house, is it appropriate for me to buy her a nice new doll or am I gender stereotyping her?"

I really want to post and say "oh FFS your kid likes dolls let her play with a damn doll!! Not every frigging toy has to be rainbow coloured and gender neutral for goodness sake!!!"

Or am I horrendously out of date and crushing my daughters' souls by just letting them play with whatever they like playing with whether it's a doll, a ball or a tea set?!

Justwanttoweeinpeace Fri 09-Sep-16 12:41:28

Buy them a new doll and a motorbike to sit it on. Job done wink

MinonsMovie Fri 09-Sep-16 12:41:48

I didn't even know this was a thing until now!

MinonsMovie Fri 09-Sep-16 12:42:45

I let dd chose and buy any toys she fancies? Some times these are aimed at boys, sometimes girls, but that's not our problem.

ilovemonsters Fri 09-Sep-16 12:45:29

It seems to be very pronounced in crunchier circles right now, I do kinda blur the crunchy line a bit myself but I don't seem to be able to be able to get rid of the post where parents are proudly flaunting their 4 year old boy playing with a pram (so what?!) or their little girl playing with rainbow coloured blocks or trains (I don't give a crap) and I think it's all a bit "trying too hard".

Jennywallpaper Fri 09-Sep-16 12:45:41

I agree, just let kids be kids!! I think people worry far to much, as children grow they will develop their own personality and likes/dislikes, just let them be! Parents need to stop putting so much pressure on themselves. Who cares what toys a child plays with as long as they are happy! We should just be grateful our children have toys to play with!

Helmetbymidnight Fri 09-Sep-16 12:46:26

Gender stereotyping is everywhere: shops, TV ads, popular culture, etc.

I think it's good to challenge it.

ilovemonsters Fri 09-Sep-16 12:46:51

There is also the implication with this that if you have girls who are quite girly or boys who are rough and tumble that you have somehow forced this on them through societal pressure. Feck off to that I say.

SharkBastard Fri 09-Sep-16 12:49:01

I dunno, I can see WHY people want this. Why should toys even be gendered? It's a fucking toy...

My daughter has always chosen her toys and clothes and she identifies with male and female traits. The wanky word being 'gender fluid'.

I want us to win the fight, so I guess I have to stand by those trying their best to raise gender neutral kids.

MinonsMovie Fri 09-Sep-16 12:49:36

I think it's all a bit "trying too hard".

I agree. Unless you're pulling a truck from your daughters hand and replacing it with a doll, or ripping the high heels off your son and handing him a chainsaw I think it's probably fine.

DerekSprechenZeDick Fri 09-Sep-16 12:50:58

It's only on here I see anyone giving a shit.

But plays with pink toys and wears princess things is amazing and go him

Girl does it and it's pink 'Tat' and she's being dumbed down.

In RL kids just play with what they like.

Nelleflowerpot Fri 09-Sep-16 12:52:30

I didn't know this was an issue. I have just given my 2 year old a baby doll and buggy for her 2nd birthday, she kept steeling them off other toddlers. She loves them and I remember liking dolls so thought it was a nice gift. I also have 2 boys they also liked toy buggys at this age, they destroyed the one I had for them hence having to buy new for DD!
Am I now going to get bad parent marks from the pc brigade ?? 😐

EmGee Fri 09-Sep-16 12:53:13

It gets on my wick. I have two daughters and they are very 'girly' and love all things princessy and pink. So what? I just think childhood is such a short time nowadays that they can play with whatever takes their fancy. If they want a tool kit, they can have one.

I really, really hate all this 'A Barbie is never going to darken my doorway' type guff.

DuchessofStBridget Fri 09-Sep-16 12:53:16

I think sometimes people that are dedicated to the "gender neutral" approach of parenting are a bit sensitive to how it looks when their child opts for something stereotypical of their gender. I know in the past I've been just a tiny bit dismayed when DD goes for the pink and sparkly option - even though pink is one of my favourite colours! My problem though, not hers, and I always try to indulge her interests, be it cars or baby dolls.

BrightOranges Fri 09-Sep-16 12:54:04

This

CathFromCooberPedy Fri 09-Sep-16 12:54:19

I agree OP. Dd1 is a pink princess, has been since she was able to decide things herself. I get fed up with this a lot.

DuchessofStBridget Fri 09-Sep-16 12:54:59

There is also the implication with this that if you have girls who are quite girly or boys who are rough and tumble that you have somehow forced this on them through societal pressure.

Yes, exactly!

RiverTam Fri 09-Sep-16 12:57:20

As long as you are aware it doesn't matter. But unthinkingly following gender stereotyping is, I think, very damaging, for both boys and girls.

I find it interesting that, amongst middle class types especially, girls liking 'feminine' stuff is definitely seen as undesirable. I don't think that's very helpful either.

PacificDogwod Fri 09-Sep-16 12:57:32

IMO it's not so much a problem for individual kids/families (let them play with whatever they want to play with), but it IS a problem for us as a society. And as society is made up out of individuals, I suppose, we all have a role to play, even if that is just to not gasp in horror when a little boy picks up a doll or wants to push a pram around (as I have witnessed hmm).

Gender stereotyping is all around us and it does annoy me.
I have 4 boys and I did not want to dress them in navy and khaki camouflage at a tiny age, but had to actively search more colours for them. And a wall of pink that is the girls' side of the shops? Gimme a break.

So I think YA and YANBU <sits firmly on fence>
But I get what you mean about some people in certain circles just trying a wee bit too hard grin

Lweji Fri 09-Sep-16 12:57:43

Quite frankly, I do worry more about the gender stereotyping that we increasingly see from toys, to clothes, cartoons, etc.

And people saying that certain colours or toys are girly, etc.

WorraLiberty Fri 09-Sep-16 12:57:45

This is far more of a massive deal on Mumsnet than it is in my RL.

In my real life, boys and girls just play with whatever toy is to hand and parents don't really bat an eyelid.

It was exactly the same when I was growing up.

Mind you, I've still never seen a boy proudly walking to school dressed in a pink fairy dress and tiara, but according to some on MN, it happens and the other kids never ever laugh or take the piss grin

Yeah right

PacificDogwod Fri 09-Sep-16 12:58:23

BrightOrange grin
V good!

SquedgieBeckenheim Fri 09-Sep-16 12:59:52

Surely stopping a girl playing with a doll is a kind of reverse gender stereotyping (if that's even a thing, I may have made it up). In my mind, being "gender neutral" means kids can play with whatever they want? My DD has dolls, teddies, cars, trains, etc. If it's a toy and she plays with it she can have it!

PacificDogwod Fri 09-Sep-16 13:00:20

In RL kids just play with what they like.

They do, and so they should, but we should not delude ourselves that they are making completely 'free' choices.

I had eye brows raised for pushing my boys around in a bright red pram - not pink, not cerise, as red as a fire engine, but apparently not 'boyish' enough. People do love a fine stereotype...

Pineapplemilkshake Fri 09-Sep-16 13:02:27

YANBU.

The people who get flustered if anyone dares to refer an unborn baby's gender rather than sex also get on my nerves. Sorry, but if the scan shows it's a boy, then it's a boy (prepares to be flamed)

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