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To ignore his calls?

(2 Posts)
RepentAtLeisure Fri 09-Sep-16 10:42:58

Our DC is an adult now, over 18. He has a form of ASD.

His DF waltzed off over a decade ago, stopped his £10 a week support the week DS turned 16 even though he stayed in FE, and he loves to make a big production over months of 'coming over in a few weeks'. Over the past three years he's seen DC twice or three times on average, but I get the calls pretty much every other week (DC won't answer the phone) informing me that he may come to town in a few weeks. Then I have to hear all his news, if I try to cut him short he'll ring back in a huff with 'I think we need to have a chat!' Even when a date is fixed, the time will be 'later' or 'after lunch', which could be 5pm. We have a DC who needs structure and reliability he gets anxious when he doesn't know when things are happening.

I've asked ex-DP for something once in three years - a lift to an open day for DC, something I couldn't easily get him to as I don't drive. He said yes at the time, but when I phoned to confirm the day before his response was "Oh no, I can't do that, I've got someone coming to the house." So DS missed the open day. His DF probably doesn't know that, because when he asks how DS is, he pretty much then shuts his ears off until it's his turn to talk. He never remembers anything I tell him about DC so I get the same 'auto pilot' questions over and over.

He doesn't have my email, I blocked him on my mobile (excuse - it's "broken") and I've taken to turning the home phone off for long stretches because most people call me on the mobile anyway. He's not aggressive, just very selfish and lazy and protective of every penny of his money.

I like not hearing his voice tbh, but I am aware I'm also the only means of communication between him and DC (who won't have Skype, or email or anything else.) DC doesn't ask about his DF or mention him, but in fairness, he seems to like his visits. (That's another thing, he never takes DC out, only arrives at the house, says it's a 'flying visit', then sits in his room for an hour - and often uses the time to catch up on making calls.)

The calls are going to reach fever pitch soon, because it's September so he'll be 'coming over in a few weeks', i.e, December.

AIBU to just leave the phone off until December?

RepentAtLeisure Fri 09-Sep-16 10:43:54

Over the past three years he's seen DC twice or three times on average

Two or three times a year, not two or three over three years.

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