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AIBU to be annoyed at friend's reaction to my date news

(59 Posts)
user1473410133 Fri 09-Sep-16 09:49:41

Hi folks,
would like others opinions on this. I've been single for 6 years, and have not been dating in that time. mostly due to lack of confidence - i was very seriously overweight and had no self-esteem. i've now lost a lot of weight (5 stone) but have a few stone yet to go. however, i'm feeling way better and am much happier in myself, but would be still a little slow in approaching men. Anyway, a colleague of mine has set me up on a blind date for this weekend. the guy has phoned and texted me and seems lovely. we're going for dinner and drinks tomorrow. he lived about a 30 min drive away from me, and hes coming up to my town for the date. he told my colleague (the girl who set us up) that he'd book a hotel in my town for the night so that he could have a few drinks, as he'd find it hard go on a blind date without a drink or two, and he's too far away to get a taxi home. he didn't mention this to me at all. i was telling a friend of mine about the date etc and said that he was booking the hotel for himself and explained why, and her response was "be careful, i bet he'll want to get his money's worth out of the night". AIBU to be really annoyed by this? firstly, i think he has very legitimate reasons for booking the hotel, i don't think it makes him seem like a lech at all. secondly, i'm a big girl and can take care of myself, and for all she knows i might be perfectly happy to hop into bed with him at the end of the night, who knows?! i just felt that she could have been encouraging and supportive rather than critial and cynical like that. she knows this is my first date in years.
what do others think??

user1473410133 Fri 09-Sep-16 09:50:44

sorry, just re-read message, want to clarify, he's booking the hotel for himself, not for us!

iloveberries Fri 09-Sep-16 09:52:01

I think it all sounds fine. Although is a hotel really cheaper than a cab?
If he was just after a shag surely He'd just try to get back to yours if he didn't have a hotel.

Enjoy your date smile
And well done on the weight loss!!

iloveberries Fri 09-Sep-16 09:52:33

I wouldn't be annoyed at friend though - probably just looking out for you

Arfarfanarf Fri 09-Sep-16 09:56:39

plus for all she knows you intend to pay your own way too.

all this 'get his money's worth' <shudder> women tend to pay their own way these days and even if the man did pay - he's paying for drinks and dinner not access to the woman's body. ffs.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Fri 09-Sep-16 09:56:46

Yes, I would see it as just looking out for you. I wouldn't take it as a criticism. Enjoy your date - hope it goes well.

Birdsgottafly Fri 09-Sep-16 09:57:13

I find it odd that you and him aren't having these conversations, unless he's very shy.

So he's got to get tipsy, to be in your company? I think you're mate is just trying to look out for you.

I'm back dating after six years, at 48, things are very different and tbh, it pays to be a bit (what you call) cynical.

user1473410133 Fri 09-Sep-16 09:57:17

thank you iloveberries. yeah, the area of the country (i'm actually based in ireland) we're in is not well serviced by cabs, and cabbies will often just refuse to do long journeys to rural areas at night so the easiest thing to do would be stay overnight in a hotel. so i don't see anything unusual in that. to be fair to my friend, she lives in a big city where there would be no issues with cabs, so maybe that's why she thinks it's odd.

SquidgyRedBall Fri 09-Sep-16 09:58:17

Well done on the weightloss that's amazing!

Don't worry about what your friends think, if you were my friend I may have made a joke out of it like 'ooh yeah wink' but it depends on how close I was to the friend.

You know this guy better than your friend, don't worry about it. Put it to the back of your mind and enjoy your night

Birdsgottafly Fri 09-Sep-16 09:59:55

""all this 'get his money's worth' """""<shudder> women tend to pay their own way these days and even if the man did pay - he's paying for drinks and dinner not access to the woman's body. ffs""

There's a lot of men, who think they deserve sex, just because they're giving you time.

Are you dating outside your own circle, at present?

user1473410133 Fri 09-Sep-16 10:02:00

birdsgottafly, it's a blind date, we've only spoken on the phone once and texted a few times. i would find it more odd if he was raising the issue of overnight arrangements with me at this stage, as if he were trying to put pressure on me to say he could come back to mine.

and re the drinks, i don't think it's that he has to get tipsy as such, rather would like something to settle the nerves and relax, given that he's meeting a stranger for dinner. i feel the same, and will be having some wine with my dinner.

trafalgargal Fri 09-Sep-16 10:02:14

Is she dating or in a relationship that means she's not dated in a long time ?

I'd just think it was sweet she's quite protective of you even if it shows she doesn't know you as well as she thinks she does. I wouldn't be cross with her as her motives seem good.

Have a fun date, hope it goes well

iloveberries Fri 09-Sep-16 10:06:54

"^i hope I get MY money's worth as I'll be going halves^"grin

user1473410133 Fri 09-Sep-16 10:07:57

i just found her reaction annoying. i'd have loved her to say "oh wow, that sounds great, hope you've a lovely time, you never know what might come of this, just go out and enjoy yourself " etc, rather than implying that some guy will just think i'm an easy lay as he paid for dinner and that i'm too naive to see that

user1473410133 Fri 09-Sep-16 10:08:39

she's married, has been with her husband for more than ten years.

user1473410133 Fri 09-Sep-16 10:09:10

love it!!

Arseicle Fri 09-Sep-16 10:12:15

ARe your friend not allowed to have their own opinions then? Why bother talking to them at all?

I'd find it very weird if a dude I'd never met told me he was booking a hotel for after our first date. It's pretty full on. Why the need to tell you, even if it is for a good reason

2016Hopeful Fri 09-Sep-16 10:12:39

He sounds quite sweet. I think your friend is looking out for you though.

SaucyJack Fri 09-Sep-16 10:14:03

What's wrong with being an "easy lay" anyway?

You might take one look at him and be gagging for it yourself. (Or not.)

I hate this notion that a grown woman might need to be protected from sex.

Arseicle Fri 09-Sep-16 10:22:16

I hate this notion that a grown woman might need to be protected from sex

I don't think thats the point. IF you don't think women are co-erced into sex for many reasons, both subtle and obvious, then you're really not thinking it through.
Countless women have had sex with a man because they are made to feel they owe him, for reasons exactly such as he paid for dinner and paid for a hotel already. Sad but true.

JellyBelli Fri 09-Sep-16 10:26:03

He didnt tell OP he's booked a hotel.

"be careful, i bet he'll want to get his money's worth out of the night".
That comment is so old fashioned its painful.

Enjoy your date smile

WuTangFlan Fri 09-Sep-16 10:27:44

I find it peculiar he's booked a hotel. He lives a 30 minute drive away from you, and he is meeting you in your "town". 30 minutes isn't a "long journey" for a cabbie, all he had to do was pre-book a cab. It is weird.

WuTangFlan Fri 09-Sep-16 10:29:03

And absolutely no judgement on whether you sleep with him on the first date or not - but if you are going to sleep with him, why not your place or his?! Why the need for a hotel?!

user1473410133 Fri 09-Sep-16 10:31:11

"I'd find it very weird if a dude I'd never met told me he was booking a hotel for after our first date. It's pretty full on. Why the need to tell you, even if it is for a good reason"

sigh. he didn't tell me he'd booked a hotel for after our date. he hasn't mentioned it to me at all. he did tell a colleague of mine, who is a friend of his and who arranged the date, that he'd be happier to book a hotel for himself so he could have a few drinks rather than drive. that's it. and my colleague told me.

i don't see anything odd about what he's doing, it seems perfectly reasonable to me, given the logistics of where we are. It was my friend's reaction that i found odd, the notion that he would be buying me for sex, that i'm available to be bought, that i'm not competent enough to make up my own mind etc.

ElspethFlashman Fri 09-Sep-16 10:31:14

Well I live in rural Ireland so I think the hotel thing is normal! Getting a taxi 30 mins home in a rural location is exorbitant and the taxi drivers tend to be huffy about it. It's just hassle you don't have to deal with if you get a cheapie hotel instead.

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