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Dh has noticed I am a bit down

(76 Posts)
tallulahturtle Fri 09-Sep-16 08:26:23

And somehow hasn't made the connection with the fact that he screamed at me at a family wedding yesterday, sobre, in front of everyone then I had to carry on the day bright and breezy as if everything was all good and not let on that I was dying of humiliation and embarrassment inside.

CaptainCrunch Fri 09-Sep-16 08:29:32

What's your AIBU? confused

tallulahturtle Fri 09-Sep-16 08:29:57

Dont really have one just need to vent sad

Toohardtofindaproperusername Fri 09-Sep-16 08:32:05

Make the link for him , very clearly!

KoalaDownUnder Fri 09-Sep-16 08:33:02

Why did he scream at you and what did he say??

tallulahturtle Fri 09-Sep-16 08:33:32

Oh I will, just don't want to do it now just before everyone sees us again for breakfast, I do not like dramas or scenes.

LiveLifeWithPassion Fri 09-Sep-16 08:34:21

Why has he not made the connection? What makes him think it's fine to act like that?

You need to let him know.

tallulahturtle Fri 09-Sep-16 08:37:25

He was worried about getting a parking space back at the reception venue, we were giving a lift to other people and had a relative following the car to the reception venue so i said "wait, bobs just bringing his car round as he is going to follow us to the reception" he got very shirty very quickly. I really couldnt believe how angry he got then he started screamig at me to get in the car. Utterly humilated. If it was later in the day then i could put it down to a few too many and i wouldnt be so embarassed as many people would have been a bit tipsy and would have probably not noticed. But this was just after the ceremony.

acasualobserver Fri 09-Sep-16 08:37:40

I always think the "What's your AIBU?" response is bit gratuitously unkind. Anyway, all the OP would have to do is add something like "AIBU to feel upset?" and then, presumably, everything would be fine.

tallulahturtle Fri 09-Sep-16 08:38:32

Parking was a bit short at the reception but hotel happy to double park and they move it for you later.

tallulahturtle Fri 09-Sep-16 08:39:31

Ok aibu to be upset about this?

HellonHeels Fri 09-Sep-16 08:40:55

Captaincrunch what's the point of your response?

OP that is out of order of your DH. Does he often behave like that?

humblesims Fri 09-Sep-16 08:41:18

Does your DH have a history of this sort of behaviour?

TanteRose Fri 09-Sep-16 08:41:19

where do these men get off, screaming at their partners? He sounds deranged.

Sorry you had to deal with that, OP, you must feel so deflated on what is supposed to be a happy occasion and then have to face everyone <hugs>

Heirhelp Fri 09-Sep-16 08:43:41

You are definitely not being unreasonable to be upset by his behaviour. It would be odd if you were not upset. His behaviour is unreasonable and he has humiliated himself by behaving in this way. Has he done things like this before?

PavlovianLunge Fri 09-Sep-16 08:45:37

I always think the "What's your AIBU?" response is bit gratuitously unkind. Anyway, all the OP would have to do is add something like "AIBU to feel upset?" and then, presumably, everything would be fine.

Totally agree with this. Where's your empathy, CaptainCrunch?

OP your DH was totally out of order, hope you get things sorted. If you feel you need advice, there are some very wise posters on the Relationships board.


honeylulu Fri 09-Sep-16 08:45:54

Not unreasonable. Screaming at you not acceptable. Especially for such a piddling little reason. Humiliating you, publicly or otherwise also not acceptable.
Tell him calmly. My husband would accuse me of sulking if I went quiet after he snapped at me and then think he had the moral high ground as I was behaving badly. I now take care to say after a suitable interval "the way you spoke to me was completely unacceptable and I'm quiet because I am hurt and upset".

BabyGanoush Fri 09-Sep-16 08:47:31

It does sound deranged.

Would he scream like that at his boss? At his Best Mate? Or only at people he doesn't respect.

IMO it's a shame you did not pull him up on it on the spot.

Being " a bit sad the next day" is a bit martyr-like, and will not get you anywhere....sadly.

He may say sorry, he may not, ultimately all that happens if he acts like a deranged prick is that his partner is a little bit sad the next day, so the behaviour will not change.

yanbu to be sad. yabu to not get angry instead.

Hope he apologises wholeheartedly!

SweeneyAstray Fri 09-Sep-16 08:52:52

But did that many people really overhear him behaving like such a shit to you if you were in the car in a car park? (I mean, I say this to help with your sense of humiliation...?) You need to pull him up on this kind of behaviour, though. Were you hoping he would apologise 'spontaneously' if you were quiet? I think this disempowers you, though. Stand up for yourself and speak directly to him, and tell this is unacceptable.

microferret Fri 09-Sep-16 08:52:52

YANBU. He behaved like a tosser.

I hope you give him a massive bollocking. Not acceptable at all to behave like that in front of other people. My DH gets a stiff talking to if he ever airs our dirty laundry in public, and if I get shirty with him in public (which I regret has happened once or twice) I also get a well-deserved dressing down.

You can take some comfort in the fact however that you're not the one who comes out of this looking bad, he is.

OliviaStabler Fri 09-Sep-16 08:52:57

Sorry for you OP flowers

Sounds like he didn't like being told what to do in front of others. Does he have form for acting in such an awful way to you?

Laiste Fri 09-Sep-16 08:56:50

Did he apologise yesterday? Was it out of character for him to do that?

capricorn12 Fri 09-Sep-16 09:03:04

I would have just screamed back (or slammed his head in the car door). That way it's dealt with immediately rather than spoiling the rest of the day and the next day.

Marynary Fri 09-Sep-16 09:04:04

Tell him how you feel. I think that he is the one who should feel embarrassed rather than you. If anyone heard then they will think he is a total dick.

CocktailQueen Fri 09-Sep-16 09:06:35

Totally agree with Ganoush - there's no point being 'a bit down'. You need to tell him clearly when he's being rude/abusive/out of line.

Tell him at the time, or he'll realise he can just keep on getting away with it.

YABU - get angry instead of sad!

Does he have form for this?

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