AIBU to be fed up with year 7 bitching?

[Brighteyes27]

DD has just moved up to secondary with a so called friendship group from her primary. I can't believe all the bitchiness I am hearing. I have always taught DD to be kind and decent to others and respect their feelings etc. Think other girls have been brought up differently get in first stab them in the back, play dirty and be as nasty as possible until you get your own way at all costs.
What would make the two girls in her friendship group deliberately go out of their way to ignore DD someone who they had chosen to join their friendship group for the first two days at secondary school. Then on day 3 start being friendly to DD asking to sit with her and her new friends of two days then by day 4 DD is excluded from her new friends as these two are sucking up to them so majorly that she can't get near and these two are back to not speaking to her again any advice? How to suddenly toughen her up just to survive secondary in tact or spend the time on her own rather than stoop to these levels. Advice please. She was so happy the first three days but moody and shouty tonight.

[Openup41]

I am so sorry to hear your daughter is facing these challenges. It must be heartbreaking to see her upset. Part of her will be angry and another part just wants acceptance. It will be best in the long run if these two girls leave her be and she makes other friends. She really does not want years of being included and then excluded. It happened to me for just over a month when I was 13/14 and affected my confidence. Almost 30 years later and I still remember that awful feeling.

I wonder at times if it is a good idea when primary school friends attend the same secondary school. Often there are expectations that friendships will be just the same and they usually change.

[CaptainCrunch]

This is unfortunately very common behaviour. I don't have any real advice but can only suggest you encourage your DD to focus her efforts on making new friendships as her current ones will drop her like a hot brick when new ones come along and will only include her if they've nobody else. It's hurtful and unpleasant but horribly common.

It will get better but you'll have a lot of shitty days to endure before it does.

Good luck op.

[Brighteyes27]

Thanks all she went off to secondary very happy, very positive and with a new found confidence, determined to meet new friends there and forget these two and their bad attitudes. However, she's too nice and inclusive for her own good. These two are quietly bitchy like smiling assassins and look like butter wouldn't melt.
I am trying to keep out of it, encouraging more out of school activities and friendships etc.

[OutDamnedWind]

Deep breath. It's only day 3, and while their behaviour sounds grim, they're all at the stage of trying to find their feet at secondary. Must be horrible for you and your DD, but generally friendships are pretty fluid to start with as they all get to know each other and find their crowds.

[Mouikey]

My mum taught me a valuable lesson - when in a group of girls, one will always be ignored/left out, but this person will change regularly. When it's me it was horrid, but I had to remember that when it was someone else they felt terrible too. So the lesson was to be the bigger person and be compassionate when someone else was left out - I couldn't always manage that though!!

[Sugarcoma]

Hmm from my dim memories of being a teenage girl who was for a time in a similar position, the trick is for her not to show them that she cares. Advice on trying to focus on making new friends is good, and she should act v cool to the two girls that are being bitchy - so if they suddenly are friendly again and ask her to sit with them she should say no thanks and sit with someone else.

[Sugarcoma]

*Doesn't have to be a rude 'no thanks' - just a simple, unconcerned one.

[Beeziekn33ze]

Would she consider looking for someone who isn't in a 'friendship group' and spending time with them? Hope it all works out for DD. I
I've just realised what happened to me in Y7 long ago! The girl I'd sat by in primary dropped me like a hot brick.For about a week I had a new friend, we got on well but she was 'headhunted' to be the 6th member of a gang who clearly regarded themselves as the most important people in the class. They stuck together for years! All of us inferiors got on fine asthenosphere term went on.