About stupid newborn advice!

[primarynoodle]

Dd is now 9 weeks (pfb). Didn't have a clue what I was doing when she was born having never reply been around babies so listened to midwife/hv advice religiously.

Am ebf but would like to give the occasional bottle of expressed milk so dp can feed and I can go swimming, or even just have a shower without listening to her cry! but because we stuck to the strictly no bottles or dummies til 8weeks rule she won't take either now! My poor nips are getting a battering!

After a week of no sleep and prising my eyes open because she wouldn't sleep in the Moses basket I told hv we were getting a co sleeper crib - this was met with stern words and a huge po face and I was told to persevere with the basket.. In the end dp bought one anyway and she slept a solid 5 hours in it on night one!

Same with flipping sleeping layers advice, grow bag advice is a vest + sleepSuit + grobag at the current temperature. She'd bloody melt if I put her in all of that!

Why oh why did nobody say to me "this is the guidance, use some common sense and apply it where necessary" rather than "this is he guidance" then look all cats bum at you if you suggest doing anything slightly different... Would have saved me hours of angst and guilt.. Do they not understand we precious first born mothers are neurotic

[StrawberryQuik]

I don't think DS has ever worn 1 more layer than me. I'm regularly in a vest top plus t-shirt plus cardigan and he's rolling about in just a vest

[fruityb]

I have never heard of the 8 week rule! How would people who can't or didn't want to breastfeed cope? That's not something anyone mentioned that I dealt with.

I think you have to just do what works for you and tell any visitors that this is how you're doing it and that's that.

[loona13]

Congratulations on your pfb OP

Use your instincts, and you will be fine.

[primarynoodle]

I think the 8 week rule is if you want to ebf, obvs if formula feeding it doesn't apply.

[TormundGiantsbabe]

The 8 week rule is to avoid nipple confusion and messing up your milk supply. It's not stupid.

[Sleepybeanbump]

Why should you persevere with the basket? What's wrong with a cosleeper?!

Strange re the layer thing tho. I find the grobag advice often errs on the side of seeming a bit scant and chilly, and I've got a baby who runs hot. But yeah- I just use my own judgement on that!

[HelloCanYouHearMe]

After many a meltdown from DS waiting for his bottle to cool, we caved and got a prep machine. Being a FTM and reading that the machine isnt NHS approved, i made sure my kitchen door was firmly closed whenever the health visitor came round because i was sure she would give me a bollocking.

Then one day she said to me "Get yourself a prep machine Hello.... it really does take the hassle out of making bottles"

As for the grobags - i know exactly where you are coming from. Every friend and relative got a message from me asking what they dressed their kids in when using them as i thought that DS would boil.... in this weather he is in a short sleeved vest only and a 1 tog bag. When the temp dips to below 20, he gets a long sleeve vest and the next tog up in bag and he's fine

[Pootles2010]

Har yes don't follow the 8 week rule if you're bottle feeding might not have the best outcome!

[fairgroundsnack]

We gave my DS bottles (EBM and formula) when he was 6 days old as he was TT and losing weight - he still went back to being EBF, but would always happily take bottles as an alternative.

My DD didn't lose weight but we still gave her some bottles early on (certainly before 8 weeks). She then turned into a total bottle refuser by the time she was 12 weeks!

So I agree with you that the blanket 8 week rule is nonsense (although may be true for some babies), but you may well have ended up with a bottle refuser anyway if that's just how she is !

[Pootles2010]

Oh and baths! The temp you're advised is flipping freezing, no wonder the poor things cry.

[GipsyDanger]

I agree it's a load of bs. I gave ds a dummy at 2 weeks old. He was ebf up till 5 months when I introduced formula. He doesn't have any issues with bottles. Trust me, my son knows the difference between a milk giving nipple and a dummy.

[AmateurExpert]

Expressed a bottle for DH to feed to DD from 3 weeks. She's not remotely confused and my supply is great. And I'm getting a solid chunk of sleep 😄

You do what works for you. There are no rules, just occasionally helpful guidelines

[Humidseptember]

I have never heard of 8 week rule and wish i had actually for my first I expressed and got into all sorts of a mess with it! We gave up BF after 3 months but had heavily been formula by then anyway. DD had all sorts of reflux etc.

Second we just EBF and didnt bother with expressing, and although I had imposed no hard and fast rules on myself AT ALL about formula or expressing, we just happened to manage to get through the harder earlier cluster feeds etc and carried on EBF as I found it really easy in the end and less hassle than forluma and bottles.


As for co sleeper cot Its my FIRST advice I give to anyone having a baby even fourth time round because I wish I had used a co sleeper for my first! YOU sleep so much better and baby does for so many reasons, its a win win win, I cannot imagine why any HV who knows what one is would advise agaisnt it and for that reason I think she is barmy

as for dummies, 1st loved hers - we easily got her off it at 3 1/2 no issues and second never wanted one.

[ChocChocPorridge]

The trouble is, that you're worried, you're knackered, you're probably uncomfortable, or maybe in pain, and you're just not thinking straight.

Until about now - when things are finally starting to settle down, and you've had 4 hours sleep in a row at some point, and you look back, and regain some of that common sense that you once had.

I found one of my notebooks from when DS1 was first born when packing recently. I noted everything every 2 minute feed, every burp, every wee, poo and nap - he wasn't feeding well, and I just went completely overboard in my rather vulnerable state!

DS2.. I don't think I ever even bothered mentally noting when he fed (although, to be fair, he had no problems with feeding)

On a practical note DS1 couldn't figure out bottles, we ended up going straight to straw..

[littlejeopardy]

I agree completely OP. My DD is 8 months now and is ebf. But I wish I had introduction a bottle a day from the beginning because she never takes them now and life would be much easier if occasionally someone else could give her one.

I've since googled nipple confusion and it turns out there is very little evidence for it. Grr

[hellsbellsmelons]

Everyone... and I mean everyone you know who has ever had children will be giving you 'advice'
Nod and smile and get on with doing it your way.
ALL babies are different and have different needs.
So ignore everyone else and do what you and your DH think is best.

[ThisIslandGirl]

Totally. In my experience the HV didn't seem to know anything.

'You need to wait between feeds to allow your breasts to fill with milk'
'You can't just sit there cuddling him all day, you're making a rod for your own back'
'Don't let him use you as a dummy, take him off if he's not feeding'
'Giving him four ounces of formula before a breastfeed won't affect your milk supply'



In no other profession would you be allowed to give advice on something you've never actually done yourself. Anyone want to learn how to fly a plane? I can teach you! Well, I've never actually flown a plane ever myself, but y'know, I took a two hour seminar on it three years ago so it's all good.

[29redshoes]

Your HV advised against a co sleeper cot?? Blimey. They're brilliant!

DD is now four months old and I cannot believe how much I've relaxed about which advice I do and don't listen to. In the beginning I was paranoid and terrified and listened to the midwives and HVs as if they were God. Just a few weeks down the line and I may look things up on the NHS website occasionally but generally speaking I just do what seems right.

There is some slightly barmy advice out there from HCPs anyway, when GPs/midwives/HVs seem to get the wrong end of the stick somehow. You see it on here all the time, particularly around feeding.

Oh and DD always wears the same number of layers as me.

[primarynoodle]

Hells - don't even get me started on unqualified "advice", it's the official advice that's driving me bonkers at the moment... Well meaning bollocks from family, friends, the old lady at the shop, the post man, the dog etc I ignore completely!

[primarynoodle]

Thanks everyone! Feeling in good company now even if it doesn't help the overused nipple dilemma...

[sunnydayinmay]

I had the HV giving me current advice, and my Norland Nanny qualified and highly experienced MIL law giving me completely contradictory 30 year old advice. Fun times.

(DS2 had a bottle at 3 days, for around a week, and then a dummy from 2 weeks. Other than that, he was exclusively breastfed until I chose to mix feed at 5 months, and the mix fed until 7 months with no issue at all).

[Strokethefurrywall]

Yep, mostly BS and most of it is to be read, considered and either discarded, taken under advisement or used.

Out of all of the mothers that I know who introduced dummies or expressed milk in a bottle at around 2-3 weeks had no issues with baby being nipple confused.

All of the mothers that I know who waited for 8 weeks or more before introducing a nipple had hell on earth getting the baby on a bottle.

At 2-3 weeks, they haven't built up enough of a preference and generally are just happy to get milk no matter how it's delivered.

That being said, this relies on the mother having established a good milk supply and baby gaining weight.

[Fourfifthsof]

In my experience, HVs are universally hopeless and often to more harm than good with their nonsense advice. Having said that I am sure there must be a good one somewhere, I am just yet to meet him / her.

Just smile, nod and agree with everything they say and then home, follow your own instincts, look after your baby and get on with your life. I am sure you are doing a brilliant job. And co-sleepers are amazing.

[ineedwine99]

I read the 'one more layer than you' and ignored it, i go by what i think she'll be most comfy in as at night and long day naps she's in a grosnug, last night was nappy and snug as room read 23 degrees, guidelines would have had her in a vest and the snug but I thought she'd be too hot, checked her at her night feed and she felt a good temperature.
My HV wasn't too keen on me getting a sleepyhead but glasld i did as it has helped her and also stopped her wriggling round her cot!