or is DH a narcissistic arse wipe to give DD an expensive 'present' that was actually a replacement for something of mine that HE broke months ago?

[kmac777]

Pretty much what it says in the subject line really. My husband bought our 4 year old daughter a pink ipod as a 'first day of school' present yesterday, without telling me, and he signed the gift tag 'All my love Daddy xxx'. Oh and apparently this ipod is to replace MY ipod that he broke months ago, my ipod which he didn't tell me he'd broken, but, when presented with the broken ipod, conceded that 'yes it was most probably me'...

I generally buy all of our daughter's bday and xmas presents, and, like most normal people, i sign them all from me AND my husband. Her first xmas i bought every single present apart from one small thing that he bought - and of course signed just from him... Anyway, when i told him i was annoyed about the ipod, he looked incredulous and said he'd just been trying to do something nice, with a blatant 'why are you trying to ruin this?' expression on his face.

To me though, it just seems like a monumental piss take - a shameless narcisstic attempt to curry favour with my daughter (who's always been a mummy's girl) with the pretence of a big lavish gift, her very own ipod in her favourite colour, all wrapped up in pink ribbons and bows, when it's actually a replacement for something of mine that he himself broke.

(He has a lot of previous form for narcissistic stuff, something he himself acknowledges... not at the time, hell no... but sufficiently long enough after the event so that he can make out like he's 'changed' now.)

He included a token little side note on the tag that it was 'to be shared with mummy'... Yeah right, our daughter has (of course) taken it as her present, because that's exactly how my husband chose to represent it to her.

There's a fair bit of background to our current situation (largely financial) that adds an additional dimension to my irritation, but even disregarding all that, AIBU and over-reacting here? Or was he a bit of a dick?

[MrsHathaway]

Dick.

Just the label makes him a dick. The rest compounds it.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

Why haven't you told him to replace the iPod he broke?

[SabrinaTheTeenageBitch]

The present 'from daddy' would piss me off. Is that unusual for you as a family or normal?

We always give our kids joint presents so if DH pulled something like that I would know he was being a smartarse.

[SabrinaTheTeenageBitch]

Nah actually just read it again. He's being a cunt

[kcam777]

i did at the time.... he said yes of course, but then neglected to do so... i told him yday that as the ipod yesterday day was given as a gift to our DD, then i still expected him to replace my one that he broke, and was told that the one he gave our daughter WAS meant to replace it. which to me confirmed my opinion that he's being a giant arse.

[MrsMozart]

What a miserable git.

I'm assuming he's a fully functioning adult with a job, etc. etc. etc., i.e. he can see he's being a git.

If he can't(!), then he needs counselling.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

Think you've had a slight name change fail there, OP.

[LittleDittyAbout]

If it's any consolation my ex was like that too. At 16 she can't stand him and just uses him for cash.

[SabineUndine]

I'd buy him an iPod for his next birthday or Christmas, and borrow it permanently.

What a twat.

[RhiWrites]

I propose a new Mumsnet dick of the week award. Your husband is definitely the winner and has a chance for the dick of the month and dick of the year titles too. Well done him.

Awful selfish behaviour and nasty with it. He replaced your item with a gift for your daughter signed only with his name. Dick's too nice a term really.

[kcam777]

verybitchy haha, yes, not very good at all this username/forum-type stuff...

thanks for the replies all. i do find myself questioning my reactions to this sort of stuff all the time and wondering whether i have a legitimate reason to be annoyed or whether i'm just looking to be pissed off by stuff he does because of his previous form.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Do you a) have access to shared family funds, and b) have enough in there to buy a replacement ipod? If so, I'd get one and show him, and say, "This is the replacement, don't touch it EVER."

[DoinItFine]

He is a total wanker.

[mmgirish]

I would be SO pissed off if I were you. Your Dh has been a dick.

[whywonthedgehogssharethehedge]

He is being a LOT of a dick.

[LollyMcLolface]

Whattodo- how on earth does OP sound like a nightmare or were you just trying to be nasty?

[ICanCountToOneHundred]

He is being unreasonable but you sound like a fucking nightmare. in what way? Wanting her ipod replaced or wanting a gift to be from them both as is usually the way things are done? Genuinely curious.

[ButtMuncher]

I'm gonna ask it - why are you still together?
Don't get me wrong, I sometimes loathe my DP but if this how you feel 90% of the time in your marriage, I really think you two should consider the alternative of not being together. You sound like you actually hate him.

[kcam777]

thanks for the constructive insight whattodowiththepoo :)

starlingmurmuration i don't have access to shared family funds, no. but i love your idea :)

[MylaMimi]

I would say "Nice that you've bought DD an iPad. Where's mine?"

[LadyMoth]

He's not just being disrespectful and confusing towards you, but also to her. Giving her a big song-and-dance present that's just from him... to make him look good – then it turns out it's not what it seems, it actually is supposed to be yours too.

That's before we even start on the fact that a big expensive present for a 4yo should be discussed by both of you.

And that if he's replacing your ipad, he should have asked you what you wanted (along with his admission and apology that you never got).

Absolutely classic narcissism to use present-giving to make himself look good to a 4yo (because she's less likely to realise what he's up to) and then because he's been "generous" make out that you can't criticise and you're being a killjoy if you're not happy.

You do sound as if you've had enough of him OP. Is LTB an option?

[Batteriesallgone]

Agree with Butt. Why are you with him if you don't like him.