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(18 Posts)
Handbag169flowers Thu 08-Sep-16 11:50:52

I past my driving test a couple of weeks ago and have been doing progressively longer journeys and practising with my parents , I'd spoken to them and agreed to not do longer journeys until I got more experience. Recently I wanted to go on a hour long journey including nighttime motorway driving, I thought that it wasn't a long journey, so I called my parents to see if they thought it was safe. They spoke to me about concerns and I addressed them, so I decided I was going. My parents didn't want me to go. Now they're hurt that I've disrespected them, as I asked for advice, but didn't take it.
Who is being unreasonable, and why?

PurpleDaisies Thu 08-Sep-16 11:52:29

You were unreasonable for asking your parents' advice on how you can drive. You've passed your test-you are competent and they shouldn't have a say.

How old are you?

acasualobserver Thu 08-Sep-16 11:53:02

Have you any experience of night and/or motorway driving?

damngirl Thu 08-Sep-16 11:53:35

Whose car is it? If it's yours then YANBU and have full right to drive wherever you want.

If it's theirs then you're still NBU but I can see why they'd be worried about you. But I feel like they should be supporting and encouraging you as opposed to making you feel anxious about it.

ilovesooty Thu 08-Sep-16 11:53:46

It depends on how old you are, whose car you're driving and the expectation to defer to your parents in other situations.

Handbag169flowers Thu 08-Sep-16 12:04:59

It's my car, mid 20s, and I have done a short amount of motorway night driving

Handbag169flowers Thu 08-Sep-16 12:05:07

Thank you everyone

alfagirl73 Thu 08-Sep-16 12:16:30

Can I ask how old you are and who owns the car? Do you live with your parents?

The thing with experience is that you're not going to actually get any unless you're out there driving! You have been tested by an independent examiner and they have deemed you competent to drive. You have a licence, I presume are insured to drive the vehicle, and are an adult, therefore it really is up to you.

When I first passed my test, I actually made a point of going out and driving on my own as much as possible in a variety of conditions. Good weather, bad weather, country roads, city centres, motorways, short distance, long distance... I took my time but I did it... and it boosted my skill and confidence so much because no situation felt scary or difficult after that. Yes you will find yourself sometimes feeling slightly challenged in certain situations but I found that taking myself out driving without anyone else interfering or pushing their own driving fears onto me, I learned to become a confident and independent driver very quickly.

An hour journey isn't long - I'm sorry, but it just isn't. Nighttime motorway driving... it can actually be safer in some ways because there's generally less traffic on the road. It wasn't lots of dark winding country roads where you can't see anything. It's important to get comfortable driving in different conditions - you don't want to be one of those drivers who is limited because they "can't drive on a motorway" or "can't drive at night" - not for any medical condition - but just because they've never done it and are consequently scared to!

I think you need to take back a bit of control on this and not have other people dictating to you when and where you can drive. If it's not your car, that does make it a bit more tricky, but, presumably the owner has been happy for you to be insured to drive the vehicle. Your parents at some point have to trust you to go out there and drive. It's the only way you will get experience.

Just out of interest - what were their actual concerns about the journey you undertook? Are their concerns overall reasonable or are they actually very nervous drivers/passengers who are overreacting and pushing their own fears onto you. The latter can actually make the experience much more stressful for the driver and could in fact be hindering your progress/confidence.

Do you know any other people who are really into cars who could go out with you and give you useful confidence-building tips rather than restrict you from a fear perspective? That could be helpful. But seriously - I think getting out on your own as much as possible is actually the BEST thing you can do; you HAVE to deal with whatever comes your way, you get lots of experience and you learn faster.

allthecarbs Thu 08-Sep-16 12:18:20

You've passed your test, you can drive any time you like!
I always find it best to jump in at the deep end anyway otherwise you spend ages building it up in to a big deal.

c3pu Thu 08-Sep-16 12:21:52

Cant see what business it is of your parents.

You're a grown adult and if it's your car then it's up to you to make your own decisions.

WaitrosePigeon Thu 08-Sep-16 12:24:28

You were unreasonable for asking your parents' advice on how you can drive. You've passed your test-you are competent and they shouldn't have a say.

I agree. You're not 13 anymore.

Eastpoint Thu 08-Sep-16 12:25:55

Dd is 18 and has just driven nearly 300 miles with a group of quietish friends. Just drive, you're an adult & then they won't interfere.

IceRoadDucker Thu 08-Sep-16 12:28:19

Yes, YABU to agree to something (however bizarre), then go back on it.

But agreeing to only drive with your parents' blessing when you're in your mid 20s and own your own car is even more unreasonable. Cancel this "agreement" and drive when you like!

GnomeDePlume Thu 08-Sep-16 12:28:58

So is the issue that if they give you advice (on any subject) they expect you to take it? If that is the case they are not giving you advice they are giving you orders. You have to decide whether you still feel they have a right to give you orders.

Hint: you are in your 20s!

alfagirl73 Thu 08-Sep-16 12:29:44

Just read that you're in your 20's and it's your own car. In that case - get out there, drive as much as you can/want, get lots of experience and stop asking your parent's for permission to do what you are legally entitled to do. You passed your test - believe in yourself.

Get out there and just do it - all kinds of journeys in daylight, dark, sun, rain, different kinds of roads. The more you do it the more confident you'll get because you'll know you can handle anything. Most of all - ENJOY your driving!

LunaLoveg00d Thu 08-Sep-16 12:30:27

Assuming you are an adult, why are you asking your parents permission to do anything?

TheViceOfReason Thu 08-Sep-16 12:30:41

Why on earth as an adult who is presumably living independently are you asking your parents if you can drive? If you asked as you felt unsure about your competence - then don't do it and don't ask.

To be honest if you've been "building up" to driving an hour, it sounds like you are not confident in your driving and should probably be getting extra lessons etc regardless of having passed your test.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that YABU to ignore their advice, as the picture you've painted is that you probably are not competent enough. If you were, you wouldn't have asked them in the first place.

maninawomansworld01 Fri 09-Sep-16 23:15:29

You're in your 20's have passed your test and have your own car.
So long as you're not breaking any laws (drinking etc..) then it's no one else's business when or where you drive.

I drove the Paris to Dakar rally when I was 19.

Just get on with it, if you're under confident try the pass plus or something like that.

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