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Aibu and childish to want somwhere to go where someone actually cares

(14 Posts)
whyohwhycantisleep Wed 07-Sep-16 19:12:30

I have a great life, 6 fab children and no worries and yet I constantly feel on the edge of not coping. I have painful tics that are just really bothering me - I struggle not to self harm, and I have a generally good relationship with my dh but issues with sexblush.

I just want to go somewhere where someone gives me a hug and I can tell them everything . I have had counselling but it was a waste of time because i couldn't talk about anything that really bothered me.

I have lots of friends but none anywhere near good enough to talk to about this and no family (my mum died when I was young).

I just want a temporary mum I suppose with is pathetic for a supposedly capable 32 year old mother of 6 isn't it. ?

Aibu to want that - I made the mistake of mentioning it in passing to someone and got my head bitten off for being childish so aibu and childish?

RebelRogue Wed 07-Sep-16 19:18:12

YANBU and deffo not childish. You are human. It's normal to want support,a safe space and yeah a hug x
Talk to us?
Virtual (unmumsnetty) hugs

KateInKorea Wed 07-Sep-16 19:19:04

No not childish or unreasonable. But mothers tend to be irreplaceable :-(

Have you had bereavement Counselling, in the first instance I think I'd suggest that?

How do you want people to show they care? What would be good for you? When you say a temporary Mum, can you define that a bit more.

If you cannot talk to your friends about this, maybe you need to up the quality of your friends.

Sunshineonacloudyday Wed 07-Sep-16 19:19:07

You need to harden up girl and tell people to fuck off. You need to just blurt out you're feelings to someone who is close to you. I would not worry about people judging you someone will listen to you. I am very picky with who I talk to because they need to understand me first. YANBU a true friend would listen to you.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Sep-16 19:20:13

Gosh, you have six children and you're 32? No wonder you need some support. I think you should be careful who you confide in IRL as some people can make you feel worse than before.

flowers to you.

whyohwhycantisleep Wed 07-Sep-16 19:24:19

Yes imperial I could not discuss a lot of it in real life because it would make things very difficult for me.
I haven't had bereavement counselling but it was a looooong time ago (I was 15) it sounds horrible but I'm not upset about my mum dying it's just one of those things that is part of life now!

whyohwhycantisleep Wed 07-Sep-16 19:26:49

Imperial I did post on the relationships board about the dh problem but I just felt worse after blush. I think what I would like is just someone to say "it's ok we will deal with it together!" And actually mean it

Amy106 Wed 07-Sep-16 19:26:59

YANBU. We all need care and support. Being 32 and a mum to 6 children doesn't take that need away. I hope things get better for you soon. flowers

whyohwhycantisleep Wed 07-Sep-16 19:39:40

Thanks Amy - i actually just realised it was my birthday last week - I'm 33 shock

Paperkins Wed 07-Sep-16 19:50:51

I think if you look around in the community you may find there are people out there happy to help and listen. Many religious places are open to listening to you, even if not religious, or that religion. It could be a start. They might know someone in their community who is like the 'community mum' who you can pop over and have a chat to. I am not religious, but know people who are and this seems to be how things operate (am often envious they have an obvious place to go to to offload). Am not suggesting you become religious, only that those communities are often helpful in those situations.

A more extreme suggestion is seeing if you could volunteer with a charity that does befriending of older people. See if you can find someone to be paired with who would enjoy your company and having someone to help and who is mature and wise in the world?

whyohwhycantisleep Thu 08-Sep-16 06:25:17

Thanks paper flowers

Mitfordhons Thu 08-Sep-16 06:29:50

I felt this for years and found an amazing therapist, maybe you just didn't click last time and it's worth looking for someone else.

Brown76 Thu 08-Sep-16 06:33:47

Could you look into counselling again, but specifically try to find someone who you get that mum-friend vibe from? I specifically asked for 'an older female counsellor with lots of life experience' after trying a few that I didn't quite click with, and have a lovely lady now who I book a chat with now and then and just unload all my worries. Sometimes it's regular, other times I don't see her for a few months but it really helps. Also I've tried Reiki and Shiatsu massage a couple of times, and found that when I've had a lot of bottled up feelings it's helped me release and feel much more relaxed. flowers to you, it sounds like you've got a lot on your shoulders.

1frenchfoodie Thu 08-Sep-16 06:58:53

I agree with Brown and think your original counselling didn't fulfil its brief if you felt you couldn't talk about certain things - you should feel able to discuss anything. So why not try again and then request a change if counsellor if you do not click with the person.

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