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What to do?

(42 Posts)
Rockingaround Wed 07-Sep-16 17:03:55

I know my thoughts will differ from some; my DD6 has been invited to a friends birthday party who will be turning 7. It's a make up, hair dressing party. I think this is too young. I was equally aghast when same friend bought my DD make up for her 6th birthday. Although once she'd opened it and was obviously delighted I did let her play with it but have since put it at the back of the cupboard. I just feel really fucked off tbh. I don't want my 6yo wearing make up and that being the central point of a birthday party at this age! I want them to be dancing and running around and playing pass the bloody parcel! I also think it's just encouraging them to grow up before their time they've just started Y2 ffs! My DD really admires the birthday girl although she can be very bossy, my DD thinks she's head girl. I don't want my DD to go but she will be in such a strop if I make up an excuse and she'll definitely feel left out when others are talking about it at school ....? What would you do?

HeavenlyHeathen Wed 07-Sep-16 17:08:56

Tbh it wouldn't bother me.

I'm not into young girls wearing make up, having their ears pierced or wearing provocative 'kids' clothes.

But for a one off party I'd let her go and enjoy herself.

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 07-Sep-16 17:10:45

I would let her go.

My 6 year old sister would love this type of party. Just how she is, not forced on her or anything. She just likes that kind of stuff

She like having her hair plaited and I dyed it pink for the 6 week holidays. She likes to wear clear lipsgloss and nail varnish

Some kids just like it. It's a one off so I couldn't get worked up about it

BikeRunSki Wed 07-Sep-16 17:16:06

I a agree with you OP, but also Heavenly. As a one off, it's ok I'd say, but continue with not making it something you do at home.

When DS was 6, he was invited to a lazer quest party with McDonalds afterwards. I thought he was too young for Lazer quest, and I have many objections to McD. I let him go, so he didn't stand out from the rest of the class. He hated Lazer Quest and didn't like the food. Win win situation.

phillipp Wed 07-Sep-16 17:55:10

Tbh I think Yabu to be 'fucked off' that this woman is having a party that would be her child's preference.

I have. A 12 year old Dd who (even though they are allowed make up at school) has only just started wearing it. Even then it's once every blue moon. She isn't really interested.

She has always had make up to play with. She has played with mine and had her own.

Playing with make up hasn't meant that we have focused on looks or making her grow up before her time. She is still very much a young girl, not at all desperate to act older.

Personally, I would let her go and not spend so much time getting worked up about the way other people parent their children.

I never had a make up party for Dd, but I would have told you where to go if you told me you were fucked off with my choice of party.

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 07-Sep-16 18:11:59

Hmmmm this is a tough one. I would be fine with it if it was just nails and hair but I wouldn't be comfortable with the make up part. I think that I would probably let her go because I wouldn't want her to feel left out and upset but I would make it clear to her that it is a complete one off.

BrillianaHarvey Wed 07-Sep-16 18:18:45

I would get on the phone to grandparents and swiftly organise an immovable family commitment, then graciously decline the invitation. But then I have strong views about the sexualisation of children and the warped messages we send them about 'adult' female behaviour.
At least Laser Quest is active.

Rockingaround Wed 07-Sep-16 18:19:10

philip I'm not fucked off with her choice of party. I'm fucked off with having to consider whether a birthday party my 6yo is invited to is appropriate or not. I don't care how others parent their children, I do get fucked off though when their parenting puts me in a position where I have to consider bending how I parent my own. Which is why I posted on here; to help me decide whether to do that or not.hmm
Thank you everyone else, I will probably just send her, as it's a one off, you're right, it's for a special occasion and she will love it just makes me sad I suppose, she's only 6 yknow confused

ayeokthen Wed 07-Sep-16 18:24:17

My Mum was always the Mum that stopped me doing things because she didn't agree with it. Literally my entire childhood I was the weird kid who never got to do or have the things girls my age had. I hated her for it for years because it made my childhood really difficult. There are things I don't want our kids to do, but I grit my teeth and allow some of it (as long as it's not ear piercing or something that's totally age inappropriate like adult games or movies) because I don't want them to feel as isolated and different as I did. Honestly, is one afternoon of prancing about with some makeup on really going to harm your DD?

AnnaMarlowe Wed 07-Sep-16 18:24:48

My DD isn't allowed to paint her nails. However she has a dispensation for parties in the condition that it comes off at bedtime.

We've happily always managed to have a previous engagement when 'pamper parties' have come up (the last one in an actual beauty salon ffs). Thankfully they are fairly rare among her classmates. Parties here are mostly swimming, climbing wall, sleepovers or a traditional party on a hall.

ayeokthen Wed 07-Sep-16 18:24:55

Sorry x post, didn't realise you'd decided to send her.

Rockingaround Wed 07-Sep-16 18:26:23

x post Brilliana YES! feel exactly the same, I am a bit of an 'analyst'; these years are so precious because they're so impressionable. There won't be any boys at the party despite that they all play together in school.

Rockingaround Wed 07-Sep-16 18:28:17

I here you ayeokthen I know, I don't want her to feel like that either. Anna it's in a bloody salon!!!!! Year 2!!!! What will they have left to do when they're 12!!!

MumsFlouncingOnASummerHoliday Wed 07-Sep-16 18:30:01

I let DD 5, wear face paints. She usually asks for them to be removed five minutes after they're put on. Could you try to think of this as face paints rather than trying to create mini adults?

As an aside, from experience, there will no doubt be nail varnish so it may be worth getting some nail varnish remover in.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 07-Sep-16 18:33:24


ayeokthen Wed 07-Sep-16 18:43:22

Rockingaround thanks, I was worried my post sounded a bit abrupt, it wasn't meant to be. I struggle with things like this, I'm torn between wanting them to be kids as long as possible, but also not wanting to isolate them you know? I have absolutely put my foot down about ear piercing (she's 3!!!), 18 + computer games for DS 9, and things like that. But DD 3 loves to have her toenails painted, because she sees me do it (my only attempt at being girly, I'm utterly crap at the rest of it 😂) I think it's mental to have a pamper party for a 6 yo in a salon, but I'm glad your DD won't feel left out. Hopefully she'll decide it's not for her.

BrillianaHarvey Wed 07-Sep-16 18:46:41

I do hear ayeokthen, but I do think this is really really important.
Have you sounded out any of the other mothers? There may be others who feel just as uncomfortable.

MarcelineTheVampire Wed 07-Sep-16 18:47:53

A pamper party in a salon? For 6 year olds? What the actual fuck?

I completely agree with you OP but I probably would relent if it's a one off...what the hell are her parents thinking?

arethereanyleftatall Wed 07-Sep-16 19:00:15

Her parents are probably thinking that this is something that their child wants to do. Given that it's her birthday.

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts Wed 07-Sep-16 19:03:22

My dd was invited to a pamper party in reception... I was against it as I don't particularly like make up for children but in the end took her along. I told her it was a one off and wouldn't be happening at home, she had a nice time however I did have to walk her home looking like a drag queen. It was washed off as soon as we got in!

RealityCheque Wed 07-Sep-16 19:04:38

It's just a fucking party. Jesus some people try so hard to be offered red and outraged!

At least as they are doing hair at the party you could ask to borrow a grip!

UnicornPee Wed 07-Sep-16 19:08:47

Don't see the big deal myself. Whilst my daughter (8) has never been to a party like this, I know her & her friends would be all over this. It's what young girls like.
I would be annoyed if I invited my friend and she was 'fucked off' about it. I'd say to her 'get a grip it's make up you boring fart'

Chrysanthemum5 Wed 07-Sep-16 19:10:58

When DD was 6 she was invited to a beautician party and excitedly told me the 'make up lady' was going to make all the girls pretty. I explained that children were already as lovely as it was possible to be, and no make up was required but if she wanted to go to the party and mess around having fun that was ok. Now she's almost 9 she tells the other girls (many of whom are wearing make up daily hmm) that they will ruin their skin before they are grown up - so it clearly didn't make her like make up. However if I'd had the invitation before DD had discussed it and was excited about going then I would have declined the invite I really don't like make up parties for young girls.

messystressy Wed 07-Sep-16 19:11:21

I don't agree with children wearing make up. I would have a prior engagement. There are so many parties, missing one isn't going to injure her socially.

I don't need to get a grip - everyone is different and has different ideas of parenting.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 07-Sep-16 19:11:56

I so agree reality. Unclench.

I can't give two shits what my dc are doing as long as they're happy and not being unkind.

They enjoy pamper parties. They enjoy football parties. They enjoy pizza. They enjoy broccoli. They enjoy life.

Just stop it.

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