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Not to go on this Hen Do?

(25 Posts)
Girlwithnotattoos Wed 07-Sep-16 12:35:56

One of my old uni friends is getting married next summer and DH and I are invited. Although the wedding isn't until this time next year already I've received several emails from the hen night organiser with suggestions etc.
I'm invited on the weekend away which ordinarily I'd love to attend however out of roughly 20 attendees I will know precisely 1 person - the bride! Everyone else seems to know several others through work or long standing friendships and whilst I'm sure that if get on with the others I can't say is enjoy being away for a weekend with 19 people I have never met. I can't expect the bride to be with me so would I be unreasonable to politely decline the hen do invitation?

KERALA1 Wed 07-Sep-16 12:37:54

Go! Always good to meet new people.

Lottapianos Wed 07-Sep-16 12:39:06

Not unreasonable in the slightest. My very lovely neighbour invited me on her hen weekend (we are also invited to wedding) but like you, I would know no-one, I would find that very stressful and I have a no hen night policy TBH! So I have declined. No dramas.

An invitation is just that, not a summons. Totally fine to politely decline

frostyfingers Wed 07-Sep-16 12:46:26

Are you likely to know many people at the actual wedding? If so then I'd probably not go but if not then it may be worth it so that you've got a few more people to talk to on the day......

TaterTots Wed 07-Sep-16 12:48:53

I don't think I'd fancy that either. If she's got 20 other friends going it's not like you're abandoning her.

MrsJoeyMaynard Wed 07-Sep-16 12:55:23

I don't think I'd be keen to go either. I'd probably politely decline too.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Sep-16 12:59:27

I wouldn't go. It's not enjoyable meeting 19 new people who all know each other!

useyourimagination Wed 07-Sep-16 13:00:42

That would actually be my idea of hell.

SinglePringle Wed 07-Sep-16 13:02:38

Go! I take the approach that most people are inherently nice and friendly.

Not knowing people wouldn't bother me in the slightest - I'd see it as an opportunity to get to know people before the wedding (which would make the wedding even more enjoyable).

YelloDraw Wed 07-Sep-16 13:04:21

Isn't a bit of the point that you get to know other people before the wedding?

I'd go of you like the idea of a weekend away.

TheNaze73 Wed 07-Sep-16 13:11:55

I'd go personally, should be a good laugh, chance to meet new people & an existence you hopefully won't forget

Wallywobbles Wed 07-Sep-16 13:15:01

If you go you'll know lots of people at the wedding

hanflan Wed 07-Sep-16 13:17:01

I was in this situation. I was dreading it as didn't know anyone, but my DH pointed out that it's a really special occasion, lovely to have been invited etc, and it would have offended/upset the bride if I hadn't gone.
So I went, and I'm glad I did, ended up having a lovely time and met lots of new people!

Lottapianos Wed 07-Sep-16 13:17:14

As you can see OP, some people would find this fun, some would find it really stressful and no doubt some would feel a bit of both! I still say there is nothing whatsoever wrong with politely declining if it would really not be your cup of tea

Haggisfish Wed 07-Sep-16 13:18:16

I'd go and get to know them-makes the wedding more fun too. Can you go for one night only?

Pineapplemilkshake Wed 07-Sep-16 13:18:36

YANBU - don't go if you don't want to. I've gone to two hen weekends where I hardly knew anyone and TBH both were my idea of hell. Yes it may be nice in theory to meet new people, but not to have it imposed on you. As an introvert I would rather stick a pin in my eye than give up one of my precious weekends off to spend time with people I don't know and am unlikely to see again other than the wedding.

I'm getting married soon and have decided not to inflict a hen party on my friends and family grin

I'd bite her hand off! I'm quite happy to take the risk that I won't gel with anyone - I'm not the most gregarious person, but even I've managed to make new friends (or at least have a good time) in similar circumstances.

LaContessaDiPlump Wed 07-Sep-16 13:43:46

I've done this! I knew no-one except the bride but still had fun. Turned out that all her other friends were very nice people! It helped me to enjoy the wedding more, actually - I chatted to them again then.

KarenLF Wed 07-Sep-16 16:47:57

I went on my cousin's fiancee's hen do where I didn't know anyone and I was nervous as hell but it was so much fun - everyone was so friendly and when the wedding came around it was great as I knew heaps of other people apart from just my family!

gggrrrargh Wed 07-Sep-16 17:04:46

I agree if you go you should hopefully find them a lovely group - the bride likes you and she likes the other hens so you usually find there are a few you would have chosen as friends or have similarities with!

Plus hen do's often have mums and the mum in law to be - this doesn't tend to make for a cliquey group. plus if you end up in an activity it usually breaks the ice.

Can you tell I've been on one too many hen do's! If you really don't think you will be comfortable then don't go, but hen do's are surprisingly friendly smile

ConvincingLiar Wed 07-Sep-16 17:13:18

I have been on one, felt I had to as the bride had been to my hen and wedding not knowing anyone. I had a good time. I made friends with her uni friends and work friends but will never see her school friends again. You only need to bond with one person. Maybe establish from the organiser what the group is like? Will you have to share a room?

Me624 Wed 07-Sep-16 17:57:52

Another vote for go! I had this, one of my best friends who I met through work years ago had a weekend away for her hen do and I didn't know anyone else on it except for one other girl who I knew very very vaguely ... Ie i knew her name and we had mutual acquaintances but had never actually sat down and chatted to her. I was a bit nervous about it but ended up having a great time. Generally if you get on with the bride, which you obviously do, then you'll also like most of her other friends!

Mummaaaaaah Wed 07-Sep-16 19:01:59

Ah go! The bride obviously cares enough for you to make sure you were on the list for the hen. And as pp have said, you'll then get to meet people who will be at the wedding.

KERALA1 Wed 07-Sep-16 21:09:08

I went on sils didn't know a soul. They were really nice very friendly I had a good time. Sometimes it's good to go out of your comfort zone. Well mannered decent people are usually very inclusive when they realise you don't know anyone at all.

Girlwithnotattoos Wed 07-Sep-16 22:07:37

Ok so some of you would go and enjoy it, others would go and hate it (like me). I think I would find it stressful and not sure if I can face a weekend of having to try and join in conversations with people I don't know. Tbh I'd jump at the chance if everyone was new to each other it's just that no matter how friendly everyone is they are bound to gravitate to their friends leaving me feeling like a spare part.

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