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Aibu to ask if you socialise much?and what do you get from it.

(19 Posts)
whatisforteamum Wed 07-Sep-16 08:22:03

Everywhere ive worked the topic of nights out comes up.This week we have a party which im being asked to attend.I find gatherings more stressful than work.I have hardly been anywhere in about 20 yrs except work.
I am a very chatty friendly person and i love people.Admittedly i work unsociable hours(weekends and evenings),
People get offended when i say i want to go home than stay drinking at the bar and i wont drink and drive.
I get on well with my neighbours too.I am just happier alone out of work.I only feel lonely if i get a week off.
What do you get from spending time with friends ?
My colleagues are all lovely by the way,smile

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 07-Sep-16 08:26:08

I love been around people. I was very social able before this surprise pregnancy. I was in the pub every weekend, whether I had work or not.

What do I get? They keep me sane, between work and been a single mum I need something for me which is my friends and getting out grin

Tinklypoo Wed 07-Sep-16 08:38:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatisforteamum Wed 07-Sep-16 08:49:23

Tinklypoo congrats with the baby smile I didnt do mother and baby groups as i found it all draining and didnt want to talk about babies all the time.I work in a male dominated industry.i think the pressure for me is they are half my age and dont have a home and dcs to look out for.
To me freetime is precious.I think im too selfish to do what someone else wants.Also i preserve my energy for work as it is a physical job and working when tired is no fun at all.

Mittensonastring Wed 07-Sep-16 08:53:26

I socialised a great deal up to about age 45 but then found I used to just get too tired. Used to host a lot of dinner parties.

I retired early through ill health aged 48 so the after works drinks stopped then as I commuted in to a city for work and live quite a distance. I worked for 25 years in a very sociable environment in 3 different places but same sector.

I find it very easy to talk and engage with people. So I'm lucky in that I have a lot of friends. I enjoy the company of others and am good at supporting people with complex and difficult problems. I'm also incredibly astute with money so have advised on monetary issues. Have spent a lot of my life with people adopting me as a surrogate Auntie.

I have both male and female friends.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Wed 07-Sep-16 08:55:13

I socialise a fair bit. I meet with friends a few times a week, have a drink with colleagues once a week, spend the weekends with various friends and DP. If I'm not with other people I'll be messaging then or on the phone! I spend little time isolated.

I enjoy being round other people though. I'd much rather have company than be alone, even if it's just running chores or something. Other people energise me.

If you're happy how you are; though, I don't think there's a "better" way to b. It's just personal preference. We'd be boring if we were all the same!

MoggieMaeEverso Wed 07-Sep-16 08:58:42

What I get from spending time with friends:

- feeling connected
- having a laugh over silly nonsense
- motivation to do activities we all enjoy
- excuse to get away from the kids and have grown-up conversation

I like all of this to happen outdoors, or at someone's house. I'm not a fan of pubs because of the loudness, the smells, and the awkward seating arrangements where you can't actually talk to everyone. And I rarely do evenings as I prefer to be at home.

From my perspective the issue is not enjoying time with friends per se, it's more that I don't enjoy certain activites and I do others. Luckily most of my friends are like me in that regard.

TheNaze73 Wed 07-Sep-16 08:59:50

My DP & I socialise a couple of times, once a week with our own friends & as a couple once a week with partners as a rule.

KERALA1 Wed 07-Sep-16 09:02:04

It's balance. I need fun positive contact with other women and get sad without it. Am also more than happy alone but try to set up at least one social event a week.

ProfYaffle Wed 07-Sep-16 09:05:47

I enjoy seeing friends but find I don't need to do it very often, once a month is enough for me.

I always think work nights out are a different kettle of fish, it's not the same as relaxing with friends, there's always an element of being on best behaviour.

whatisforteamum Wed 07-Sep-16 09:30:46

The feeling of fun and laughs and being connected i get from my job.I work 12 hr days so i am lucky in that regard.they make me buzz.On fri im up 7 am then working until 9 ish.Not sure i need to socialise more than one drink as i am working all weekend and into next week.
i am the laziest sociably inept person i know ha ha.Sometimes i would like a cuppa with a woman though men have huge egos smile (some).

Wadingthroughsoup Wed 07-Sep-16 09:35:28

I like socialising but I can find it exhausting. There are some good articles around about introverts and extroverts. Apparently, extroverts derive energy from socialising while introverts are drained by it, and derive energy from time on their own.

I am very happy in my own company but I need to socialise a little (a couple of times a month) otherwise I get too insular and glum.

thatsnotmyusername Wed 07-Sep-16 09:37:18

I work lots of evenings and weekends and with three kids and a husband I find it hard to justify going out in the evenings I am off on any kind of regular basis. It is such a source of stress for me having to make excuses all the time as I am either at work or have work the next morning (13.5 hour shifts!) or it's a rare weekend off with my family. The ones that do persist asking will dump me eventually I am sure!

tappitytaptap Wed 07-Sep-16 09:56:03

I'm on maternity leave at the moment. Before I had the baby, I always had an active social life, seeing friends, family, work colleagues, going to dance classes etc. I am not that great with my own company and felt much happier when I got regular socialising time. Still do on mat leave so have something organised most days but its more baby friendly, eg coffees/meals with friends, walks, going over to friends or family's houses, having them over to mine etc. I find I can get a bit low otherwise but it probably vastly depends on personality type as I'm very outgoing and chatty. The benefits I get from it are:
Lowering of anxiety/worries - I can be an anxious person and the combination of new motherhood with all its associated worries and not having work to concentrate on can mean I get worried about little things if I don't have some distractions
Having a close relationship with people and sharing what is going on in our lives
Having a laugh which lowers stress

tappitytaptap Wed 07-Sep-16 09:57:01

Having read Wading's post, that makes perfect sense. I am an extrovert and definitely get energy from socialising smile

Mypurplecaravan Wed 07-Sep-16 09:57:32

I'm an introvert. I need quiet time.

I enjoy seeing friends and I have some lovely ones. We have a whatsap short chat every day. Just a couple of messages each. And we meet up for a meal every 6 weeks or so. We go away to a cottage once a year. And that's me done.

I have dd and dp and my dog and my books. I see dps parents once a month and mine every fortnight or so.

I enjoy time with my friends but do not find it relaxes or recharges me. Drinks after work would exhaust me. I'd feel I had to be on show all the time.

So I don't socialise much. And I don't miss it.

Tinklypoo Wed 07-Sep-16 10:09:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YelloDraw Wed 07-Sep-16 10:24:39

I get lots from seeing my friends.

We have fun together, we make each other laugh, we have interesting conversations, we are there for each other when you need some support, or a friendly hug, or to be told to sort yourself out!

I like experiencing things with my friends – eating out more fun with friends than on my own. I like going to the cinema and theatre and will often see things I wouldn’t have chosen on my own. I like discussing what we have seen. I like going on holiday together. Going out to drink in bars, and dance to minimal techno. I even like meeting up with friends to watch some Sunday night TV and have a cup of tea and a bit of a natter about how well so nad so from Strictly as danced.

I am also very happy in my own company, and am confident to do things on my own. But being with my friends brings out the best and more fun me.

whatisforteamum Wed 07-Sep-16 10:31:27

I did an online test.I am an ambivert...both extrovert and introvert.having to find time for people once im done with work and teens i need time with my pets and the internet.I quite like shopping even window shopping.Things that are giving me satifaction like gardening baking and i used to sew,I think it is a time thing too.I dont have much spare time and the thought of seeing someone on my to do list would add more stress than relieve it tbh.

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