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To invite ex and family to my wedding

(25 Posts)
Mybugslife Tue 06-Sep-16 15:36:27

I posted this in weddings but no replies so thought I'd post here for traffic.
My 1st AIBU but it's more of a WWYD?

Please be kind.

My DP and I have been engaged for a couple of years, we are finally in a position to start planning our wedding after my grandad left me some money.
Chatting through the guest list and I list off my exP and his family, I thought nothing of it.

He is the father of my DD, we were young when we had her and I have been with my DP for more of her life than I was with her dad. Anyway, we git in well most of the time, I like his new DP and I'm still close with his family. His sister and I are very good friends (in fact she will be invited to the ceremony and the others will only be invited to the reception). We still go to BBQs at their house and birthday celebrations etc. And I often pop in for a tea when I drop off/collect DD.

I have chatted to a few people about our plans and the guest list has come up. They all say it's weird and that I shouldn't be involving my ex and his family in my future. The past should stay in the past etc. But I still think of them all as my extended family.

I should also add (before I get shot down) that my DP is completely fine with them all coming, he gets on with my ex well and they parent my DD as a team which I love!
When I listed them off DP didn't even bat an eyelid, even suggested we invite ex and his DP to the ceremony (which I don't want to do as its a small ceremony)

So WWYD?
Is is weird? And are my friends right that I should be leaving the past in the past?

MuseumOfCurry Tue 06-Sep-16 15:39:28

How great for your daughter. Not weird at all. Hats off to you and your ex for managing a difficult situation well.

Mybugslife Tue 06-Sep-16 15:39:36

DP also comes to BBQs and birthday celebrations etc.

Mybugslife Tue 06-Sep-16 15:41:17

Thanks museum X

HirplesWithHaggis Tue 06-Sep-16 15:42:56

I had an ex at my wedding, though no dc were involved. He actually rented our spare room for a while too. It's great you're all so friendly.

Oysterbabe Tue 06-Sep-16 15:43:27

If your DP is happy that's all that matters.

OlennasWimple Tue 06-Sep-16 15:43:29

They aren't in the past, though, are they? They are an important part of your daughter's life, and therefore yours.

Personally I think it's great, and you should go for it if you think that ex-DP will be happy to attend, and your fiance is happy for him to be there.

artlessflirt Tue 06-Sep-16 15:44:25

YANBU. I think as long as you and your DP are fine with it, there's no problem at all.

It's actually very mature and will be great for your DD that you have managed to remain friends and feel comfortable doing so!

Ignore those who think otherwise. I understand that it can be difficult to comprehend, but really it's none of their business who you invite.

Blondieblondie Tue 06-Sep-16 15:46:05

Id love a relationship like that with my ex! And at one point I thought we'd manage it. Go for the it. How lovely for your DD to grow up in that environment. Anyone who thinks its weird should be swiftly told to grow up and shut up.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Tue 06-Sep-16 15:46:08

I think if you get along and your DP doesn't mind, no one else should have a problem either.

Congrats and best wishes!

Mybugslife Tue 06-Sep-16 15:48:21

Thanks everyone. I definitely care too much what people think (I do try not too).

TaterTots Tue 06-Sep-16 15:48:51

You're happy with it. Your fiance is happy with it. I don't really see why it's anyone else's business.

80sWaistcoat Tue 06-Sep-16 15:51:59

Yep, my DH's ex came to the wedding and it was really helpful as she whisked the kids off when they got tired! Go for it if you are all happy with it.

My sister was a bit cat's bum about it - but she's quite (very) traditional and was already a bit out of sorts with my marrying a divorced man with kids - I think she still lives in a Call the Midwife 1940s world.

So I ignored my sis.

Your wedding your right to invite who you want. The only person you should consider the feelings of is your soon to be husband and he is fine with it. It's also lovely for your daughter and a wonderful way to bring her up. I think it sounds great

UnicornPee Tue 06-Sep-16 16:03:53

I think that's great. How nicer the world would be if all exes got on like that.

Mybugslife Tue 06-Sep-16 16:08:09

Unicorn. It's not always been this way and he still infuriates me sometimes but he's a good dad and at the end of the day DD comes first x

heron98 Tue 06-Sep-16 16:09:06

My mum's ex husband used to come to ours for Christmas dinner every year. There were no hard feelings.

Planty18 Tue 06-Sep-16 16:13:12

That sounds great! Ignore those who say it's weird, not their wedding and sounds very much like he is part of your present and future and great for your daughter to include him. Hope you have a lovely day.

AngelBlue12 Tue 06-Sep-16 16:13:43

I've just been to my ex SIL's wedding, her children loved it that their uncles, aunties, cousins and grandparents were all there.

SandyY2K Tue 06-Sep-16 16:14:34

As long as you and your fiancé are happy with it, it's absolutely fine.

Tell the rest you'll do as you please in the nicest possible way.

happyinthesunshine Tue 06-Sep-16 16:15:30

How wonderful. Carry on as you are and don't change!

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 06-Sep-16 16:15:39

How refreshing! Unfortunately your situation isn't all that common but I think it's great for all concerned, especially your dd, that you get on so well. Definitely go for it and ignore the ones who say it is odd, they are part of your future because of your dd

DementedUnicorn Tue 06-Sep-16 16:18:32

Not weird. No kids but both out exes were our witnesses and remain great friends grin

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge Tue 06-Sep-16 16:26:07

If you and your dp are fine with it then it's no business of anyone else's. Sounds like you have a brilliant situation for a split family. I wish more people had this.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Tue 06-Sep-16 17:23:06

If you and your DP both want to invite your exes then it's nobody else's business! I'm still close to my ex's family and in fact will be meeting up with them for my DD's birthday next week without ex as he's working. If DP and I get married I would definitely invite my ex's family and so it would be odd not to invite my ex too.

DP said that he would invite his ex too as he is also close to her family and it would feel like a real snub to invite them and not her. I have to say, it's not ideal for me as his ex is quite outgoing and loud and I know her presence would not go unnoticed by anyone! But then again I hate being the centre of attention so maybe she will do me a favour!

I think we'd either have to go for a teeny tiny ceremony of just our DCs, siblings and parents or if we go bigger it will inevitably include the exes.

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