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To be sad DD will most likely have a half-sibling

(71 Posts)
littleredridinghood67 Tue 06-Sep-16 01:12:47

Hey all;

I am 26 years old and have a 5 year old DD.

When DD was around 3 1/2; I fell pregnant, but later decide to terminate as I was in a horrible abusive relationship with DD's dad and didn't want to bring another child into a fucked up situation. Due to the abortion; it made me think of my future plans with DD's dad and I finally broke off the relationship. We do not hear from him.

I've been reading on the net that some children feel left out if they are the only "full" sibling amongst their half siblings. I'm feeling so sad as I had a chance to give DD a full sibling; but I didn't want to take that chance sad due to the situation with DD's dad.

I don't know whether I did the right thing.

judybloomno5 Tue 06-Sep-16 01:17:11

You can't look into the future, you might meet someone and have another child who DD gets on fabulously with.

I've got a full brother and we don't talk. We have what is call an active dislike of each other.

judybloomno5 Tue 06-Sep-16 01:18:15

So I 'd be elated if I had a half sister I got on well with. She'd still be my sister.

attheendoftheday Tue 06-Sep-16 01:19:28

You did the right thing. I bet you were doing your best to make the right decision with the info and situation you had. Which is all anyone can ask.

Being excluded in a family of half siblings is an issue with a poor family dynamic and is far from inevitable. I just think that most half siblings who get on will consider themselves full siblings so you don't realise. I know two lots of half siblings who are very lose and consider themselves full siblings.

No siblings is fine as well.

Protecting your dd from an abusive relationship is far, far more important than providing a sibling, I promise.

DerekSprechenZeDick Tue 06-Sep-16 01:20:08

I have one 'full' sibling and 5 'half siblings'

I see them as siblings.

My son has a brother on his dad's side and will have a sister on my side in a few week. Neither is a half sibling. They are just his siblings

IF you constantly go on about they are only half siblings it will affect them. I've never had anyone say such things about my siblings though so never seen them as halves or full. All the same little weirdos grin

littleredridinghood67 Tue 06-Sep-16 01:23:04

I know this sounds stupid. But I'm so jealous of my friends who are having the same (upcoming) second child from the same dad. How can I get rid of these feelings?

OlennasWimple Tue 06-Sep-16 01:23:25

My DC aren't blood related at all (one is a birth child, one is an adopted child), but you'd never know it if you met them. I've had a few wobbles along the way that DS "only" has DD, whereas DD has reams of half-siblings - but she has very infrequent written contact with them, and she lives with him, and that matters far more now and in the future than their biological connections.

DerekSprechenZeDick Tue 06-Sep-16 01:24:29

By realising that your DDs dad was not the man who you would want anymore with.

would you rather have 2 kids to that man?! If the answer is no then the feelings will fade.

IneedAdinosaurNickname Tue 06-Sep-16 01:25:20

It will only affect her if you allow it to.
My ex doesn't let our dc refer to his 'new' dc as siblings. If they do he makes a point that they are 'half' sad
The result this has had is my dc tell me they don't love their baby brother and sister as much as they wanted to and "can you have another baby so we can have a real brother or sister" sad

littleredridinghood67 Tue 06-Sep-16 01:27:21

But Derek atleast DD will have sibling.

But personally, for myself, no, I did not want two kids from a deadbeat, abusive father. But some people told me that whether I only had the one child...or 10 kids by him, that he will always be "in" my life. So I guess it doesn't make a difference if I had two kids by him.

TaterTots Tue 06-Sep-16 01:27:23

Your daughter might bond with her half-siblings in a different way. My cousin was an only child until she was 13, and she loves being a big sister and helping to look after the little ones.

DerekSprechenZeDick Tue 06-Sep-16 01:28:50

She will have a sibling if you go on to have another with someone else or if he goes on to have another with someone else

Do you have half siblings? Is this reaction due to personal experiences at all?

littleredridinghood67 Tue 06-Sep-16 01:29:09

That's very sad Indeed very sad. How can you ex say such a thing. What a horrible man (if you don't mind me saying).

littleredridinghood67 Tue 06-Sep-16 01:30:55

Not technically Derek; well I have 5 other full siblings, but don't get along with them at all! Ironically, the only sibling I get along with is my much older half-brother (but that could be due because his much older than me).

ShtoppenDerFloppen Tue 06-Sep-16 01:31:38

My 2 are 18 and 10. They adore each other, and have the most amazing connection. The fact that they do not share a father does not factor into the equation.

Please do not let the potential of "half" siblings color your view. In fact, DD (the younger) didn't even know that DS was her half brother until she had a TA at her school "correct" her.

Yes, I did take issue with it and discuss it with the the TA.

IneedAdinosaurNickname Tue 06-Sep-16 01:31:41

He's a twat who's so afraid of his new wife withdrawing his conjugal rights that he'll say anything if it means he gets his end away.
Well maybe it's not her influence but he wasn't like that until he met her.

DerekSprechenZeDick Tue 06-Sep-16 01:33:17

So you don't get on with your full siblings but are still sad your DD won't experience that?

Do you see him as a half? Do you introduce him as your half brother?

YoungWillieMcBride Tue 06-Sep-16 01:34:46

I have two children. They are 'half' siblings.

It is irrelevant. I cannot imagine how they could possibly be any closer. The eldest is nearly 18 and the youngest is 10. They utterly adore each other and are closer than any other siblings I know of.

It is the relationship between them that matters, not whether or not they share the same parentage.

YoungWillieMcBride Tue 06-Sep-16 01:38:29

shtoppen that's awful!

My eldest realised when he was in year 7 because one of his new friends clarified the situation for him. If anything it made them closer. The very thought that someone could consider them 'half' of anything really shocked him.

Seren85 Tue 06-Sep-16 01:45:38

DH has two "half" sisters and two "step" sisters. He refuses those categories and, if asked, will say he has four sisters. It is a complicated situation but his bond with them is very simple, they are his sisters.

littleredridinghood67 Tue 06-Sep-16 01:51:03

Derek my parents have always called my brother, the "half" brother. So I was used to viewing him in that way, but didn't feel it myself, ifyswim.

Blondieblondie Tue 06-Sep-16 01:55:39

I have a "half" brother. 5.5 years between us. I genuinely don't consider him to be anything other than my brother. We're very close and he didn't find out until he was about 17 that we had different dads.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass Tue 06-Sep-16 02:11:09

All my siblings are 'half siblings' I remember the first time someone referred to them as half siblings and I looked at them like they were mad. I had never thought of them like that before. I knew we had different fathers but In my mind they are my siblings and I would love them no more or no less had we shared a father as well as a mother.

BathshuaSpooner Tue 06-Sep-16 02:13:03

I have three children. Two of them are from my first marriage. They never refer to themselves as anything but brother and sister. My little one, who is now nine, would be terribly hurt if her older siblings called her a half sister. My older children also have two younger brothers from my exhusband's second marriage. They call them their little brothers.

Beeziekn33ze Tue 06-Sep-16 02:23:45

We don't use the term but the 'halves' in my family truly care about each other.

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