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to feel weird Xh fiancé left lipstick on Ds cheek

(13 Posts)
breezybeach Tue 06-Sep-16 00:42:41

Aibu ?
I just feel weird about this
Ds 9
Xh a total ahole. Communication is only email or text and I avoid him like the plague he is so nasty to me ( In our last verbal conversation he called me a dried up old bag which was lovely ) Divorced him because of Dv . Have been dragged through courts a few times by him over finances and he really isn't a great parent in my view .. Currently about to lose house over his stunts with maintenaince despite his high earnings but that is a whole new thread .... Suffice to say am not a fan . We seperated when Ds very little .

Ds goes to visit his dad about one weekend a month maximum ( Xh choice I never withheld access ) and every other Xmas and a week in summer
Ds has a heavily pregnant fiancé who I THOUGHT I had no issue with and talked to Ds happily about his new brother arriving and chose a baby present with him . I hear from Ds she takes him to the park etc when he visits and reads to him so I just feel thrilled and grateful as before she came along Ds was cooped up in flat on these weekends with tv/ video games and largely ignored

Also have a 2 year DP with 3 DC whose mum frequently has got very upset and ranted at DP and I because Ds and I holiday with him and DC and I buy them toys and play with them and we do all have lots of lovely times together. I do love them for themselves and because I love their dad and they like me and Ds . When she saw them hug and kiss me goodbye she went crazy and told them it was wrong as i "wasn't their mummy " and went so far as to accuse me of " grooming "
I thought at the time she was definitely " being unreasonable "

But Sunday evening after going to his dad my kid had a lipstick mark on his cheek . I know I should feel happy this woman is affectionate towards him but I felt weird. And I think wow am I am as ridiculous as dps ex wife ?? I didn't say anything to Ds I promise and faked a big smile but ..

AIBU to feel super weird ?
Probably yes but I can't shake the feeling
Any thoughts ?

GeneralBobbit Tue 06-Sep-16 00:44:45

Yep, you're unreasonable

A kid can never have too much love. Swallow your feelings and try to cope with it.

flowersflowersflowers

Jizzomelette Tue 06-Sep-16 00:45:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyroar Tue 06-Sep-16 00:51:09

I think you know you're being unreasonable and it's just a knee jerk emotion. You know that you're his mum and always will be, but it's good that his step mum loves him and cares about him too.

breezybeach Tue 06-Sep-16 00:54:57

Oh dear
Thankyou for responses
You are right
IABU

Will get over self

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge Tue 06-Sep-16 00:56:24

So you seem angry at your exs kids mum seeing you be affectionate to their kids. You are then " feeling weird" that your exs wife is affectionate to your kids?

If I've read this right you are on both sides here.

As yourself: Do you think it's wrong that you love, play with, care for and cuddle your dps kids? Are you trying to replace their mum?

If the answer is no to both these questions then why should it be any different for your exs partner?

Kids can never have too much love.

breezybeach Tue 06-Sep-16 01:04:54

I know hedgehog
You are absolutely right

It just surprised me what a strong emotion it was as I Usually have no problem with her and if anything feel protective of her being with X dh and knowing what he's like . She is very young and recently here from abroad etc

It is exactly this .. That I think I really agree it's good for children to have asxmuch affection as possible and a nice step parent is such a relief given its inevitable.

No I don't seek to replace dps kids mum and have done Mother's Day cards and birthday presents with them for her

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 06-Sep-16 01:20:38

It's quite usually to feel weird about that sort of thing, it's also not unreasonable BUT it would be to give any indication at all that you do and it most certainly would be to say anything about it.

The more people who love him the better but getting their can feel odd

justilou Tue 06-Sep-16 08:49:05

I can imagine that it feels as if she's marking her territory, but it is actually a really positive mark to leave behind if your little guy seems open and happy about her. If she left a bruise or a scratch, I'd be kicking up a fuss!

PaulAnkaTheDog Tue 06-Sep-16 08:56:32

Unreasonable but quite understandable.

abigamarone Tue 06-Sep-16 09:05:24

It's not unreasonable to feel that way, it'd be very unreasonable to act on it though! My ex's girlfriend gets on very well with my youngest and clearly adores him. I used to just give myself a shake now and then to remind myself it's good to have loving people in your life.

KellyBoo800 Tue 06-Sep-16 09:05:28

Agree with unreasonable but understandable.

I say this as a stepmother though - how long had the lipstick been there? If you picked him up and she then gave him a kiss goodbye within minutes I would say that's perfectly normal. But if you turned up and it was already there, and he has been handed back over to you with a lipstick mark on him, I would actually say there's potential for that to be crossing boundaries. Almost like 'marking territory'. Not so much on your ex's DP part but on your ex. If he saw a lipstick mark on your sons cheek (one that your DS himself had presumably not seen) and thought "I'll leave that there for his mum to see", that's actually quite spiteful.

I'm not trying to get you all riled up because it's probably completely innocent - I just know that even though I give my DSD kisses and often wear lipstick, I would never let her go back to her mum with lipstick marks on her. It's just unnecessary and hurtful. The same way I will give her a kiss goodbye BEFORE her mum gets to the door, or whilst we are still in the car. It's showing a bit of respect for the child's mother!

breezybeach Tue 06-Sep-16 22:43:31

Thankyou for all your responses
They are helpful and appreciated

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