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Nan's Jewellery: Is my cousin is being bu or am I?

(45 Posts)
user1473106504 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:22:17

Hi guys, new poster obviously hint the name lol

My mother passed away a few months ago and in her jewellery box was some of our nan jewels, in particular our nan wedding ring. My mum was our nan next of kin, she died in 2009

I was having a conversation with my cousin because me and my siblings will be selling our mums jewellery and my cousin asked if our nans ring was in the collection, i told her yes.

She started saying how she doesn't want that sold and how it wasn't left to my mum, that nothing was in the will ect and that her mum should keep it

However if her mum keeps it, when her mum dies she will get it.
I said I want the ring and I will not sell it but she rang her mum saying how she needs to take the ring out as our nan never left it to my mum, it was left to nobody.

I feel like she has no right to say anything, end of the day it was left with my mum, if my mum hadn't died she would still have it.


19lottie82 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:26:59

Technically I don't think either is BU....... As your Nan didn't specify who it was to go to, before she passed away. However, it was in your Mums jewellery box, and possession is 9/10 of the law and all of that.

So just to clarify you want to keep the ring? A bit confused as you talked about selling the whole collection but then you say you want to keep it?

If you want to keep it as a family heirloom then keep it, but if you were going to sell it, give it to your cousin / her mother, IMO.

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 05-Sep-16 21:28:21

It's one ring. Does it even hold any sentimental feelings for you? Your post sounds like you just want to keep it so she can't have it tbh. What is the deal with who it was left to? How did your mum end up with it? Why are you so unwilling for her to have it?

CheeseFlavouredDiscs Mon 05-Sep-16 21:29:15

So, just to be sure I'm understanding this correctly...

You want to sell your nan's ring, but your cousin wants to keep it as a cherished momento, and not sell it?

If that is the case, then I'd say yes YABU as you are depriving your family of something that means a lot to them.

However, if you don't trust that your cousin wants it as a keepsake, then maybe get an offer for the ring from a jeweller and then offer to sell it to your cousin for that amount, or less.

user1473106504 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:29:40

I want to keep it and I will never sell it but my cousin is not happy with this, she is saying she wants it to go to the remaining daughter aka her mother.
I just don't think my cousin has no say in this matter, she proper kicked off about it as well.

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 05-Sep-16 21:31:38

Well to be honest I can't really see the issue with her wanting just one ring that belonged to her mother, especially if you have everything else. Why are you selling everything apart from this one specific ring?

witsender Mon 05-Sep-16 21:31:45

I think it should go to the remaining daughter/sibling too. Especially as it was never specifically given to your mum legally.

user1473106504 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:32:05

no paul not at all, I said to my aunt I did not want to sell my nan stuff only our mothers but there are two other siblings involved. My cousin wasn't around when we were sorting my mums stuff out so she did not know what was going on until recently when I told her.

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 05-Sep-16 21:33:23

But surely she deserves the ring that belonged to her own mother? The same way you have the your mother's jewellery.

user1473106504 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:33:43

My aunt was not bothered and she see's it as my mums stuff.
It is my cousin aka my aunts daughter who is kicking up the fuss. My cousin was left something of her own by our nan, a big gold chain, so she has something.

Arfarfanarf Mon 05-Sep-16 21:33:57

It has been in your mother's possession for 7 years since your nan died.

It was hers.

If you want to keep it then keep it.

If you were going to sell it but she wanted it for sentimental reasons then I'd say yes, she should have it.

But it went to the daughter and now it is going to the next generation down.

What sort of ring is it? just a common plain gold band?

Do you think this is actually about the ring or about your mother's belongings and a bit of envy ?

Bubblebloodypop Mon 05-Sep-16 21:34:41

I think out of kindness you should give the ring to your aunt.

user1473106504 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:34:44

My aunt took some of my nan jewellery herself. The person complaining is my cousin not my aunt, paul

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 05-Sep-16 21:35:59

So how much of her grandmothers jewellery does she have and how much do you have?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:36:22

Depends if she actually wants to keep the ring or is just seeing ££££££!

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 05-Sep-16 21:36:26

If the ring was your man's surely it should go to her closest remainjng relative which is your aunt. I think it belongs to your aunt.

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 05-Sep-16 21:36:42


user1473106504 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:38:04

arfar it is just a plain gold band. My cousin was close with our nan but she was not the next of kin my mother was, although it was not in the will my mother and her mother decided my mother should keep the wedding ring.

I will 100% do not want to sell it.

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 05-Sep-16 21:38:38

Oh cross post! So aunt already has her share of her mother's jewellery? In that case the ring was your mum's and now is yours. Your cousin has to wait until her mother dies to get her share of her nan's stuff.

user1473106504 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:39:13

Paul I have nothing. My cousin was left a gold chain. My aunt took some other bits as well.

user1473106504 Mon 05-Sep-16 21:41:17

Yes Jen, my aunt and mother divided my nan jewellery between them at the time.

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 05-Sep-16 21:42:53

Well in that case point out to her that she already has a piece of your Nan's jewellery and you'd like to keep the ring so you have a piece as well.

mummymummums Mon 05-Sep-16 21:47:24

Sounds like your mum and your aunt were both next of kin to your Nan and with no Will would have been equally entitled to the 'spoils'. If they've already divvied it up that's the end of it - cousin shouldn't get an extra slice now. Unless you want her to.

LightDrizzle Mon 05-Sep-16 21:52:21

Was your cousin closer to your nan than you? Do you have other sentimental hints from your nan?

Honestly, I'd give her the ring, I'm sure your nan would have liked to see you show that kindness. It really won't have much material value at all.

She shouldn't have been aggressive about it, asking nicely would have been much better, but you can be the better person.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Mon 05-Sep-16 21:56:01

I think your cousin has a point, to me it would seem only fair that your Aunt is offered the ring. It was after all her mother's, who your Aunt leaves it to after her own death it irrelevant.

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