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To ask what would your course of action be if this happened...

(140 Posts)
Shadow1986 Mon 05-Sep-16 19:07:42

Obviously long back story of similar arguments...

Bathing my children when DH starts shouting at me because instead of putting his clean washing away, I have put his in a pile on the floor in our walk in wardrobe - reason being 1. I have 3 children including 10 wk old baby and drowning in housework, 2. He has so many clothes I always struggle to find a home for everything.

I said he could do it himself, he screamed 'your a fucking housewife, do your your fucking job!' - this was in front of children.

so should I be putting away his washing? He does provide for me...answers please.

Gardencentregroupie Mon 05-Sep-16 19:08:54

Yes. Put it away in bin liners and throw it out the window. How dare he speak to you like that? angry

No. Fucking. Way.

I wouldn't be doing anything for anyone who spoke to me like that. And whats wrong with him putting his own washing away?? You're looking after the children, his children. You're not his skivvy!!

Sirzy Mon 05-Sep-16 19:10:30

Give it a week. When non of his washing is done he will soon apologise!

Queenbean Mon 05-Sep-16 19:11:37

Of course he should!

Is there a reason why you refer to your children as "mine". Are they not children with him?

Crisscrosscranky Mon 05-Sep-16 19:11:57

Should he have shouted at you? No.

But ready to be flamed I really struggle with SAHP who choose to run their home/family as a job and then complain when their partner moans if they do a crap job. Is he fed up with coming home to housework? I would be if my DH didn't work.

hesterton Mon 05-Sep-16 19:12:19

If for one second you have entertained the idea that you are wrong and he is right, then you need to give yourself a shake and wake up to the fact that you are seeing the world through eyes skewed by abuse.

He is wrong... and abusive... and unkind... and not worthy of you.

FastandLoose Mon 05-Sep-16 19:12:51

My course of action would be to try and explain what your actual job is with 3 kids and a small baby. If no progress was made I'd start planning how best to leave.

Ginmakesitallok Mon 05-Sep-16 19:13:39

He provides for you???

No way would dp speak to me like that - is he usually such a dick?

willconcern Mon 05-Sep-16 19:14:32

No.

But you have a worse problem, a DH problem. That was a disgusting way to speak to you. It shows no respect. He sounds truly horrible.

Fromsqualorwithlove Mon 05-Sep-16 19:15:23

You think staying at home with three children isn't work crisscross?

I am a Sahm and I don't do all the housework. Why should I? I look after the children, I'm not a domestic servant hmm

If my DH spoke to me like that we'd be having serious talks about the future of our relationship.

ayeokthen Mon 05-Sep-16 19:15:48

Firstly, he had no right speaking to you like that at all. Secondly, no way in front of the children. I don't give a shit how many hours he works, he's not one of your kids, he's a grown ass man who should be able to put his own clothes away without having a tantrum. I'd put them all in binbags, fling them out of the door and tell him to fuck right off.

Shadow1986 Mon 05-Sep-16 19:15:54

Sorry they are our children not just mine.

I do all other housework apart from put his clothes away every time. Some other housework is lacking at the moment, I.e bathrooms, but it's been summer holidays and like I said I have a new baby. Usually I do keep a lovely house but I'm still adjusting to third child.

Mybugslife Mon 05-Sep-16 19:16:00

Crisscross are you really suggesting that because she's a SAHP she should treat him like a child and do every single thing for him?!
She's washed the clothes, and I presume ironed the clothes, folded them, just hasn't put them away...all with looking after 3 DCs one being only 10 weeks old?
I think u may need dragging into the 21st century.

Tell him to do his own fucking washing from now on!

Number4OnTheWay Mon 05-Sep-16 19:16:28

Criss my one and only responsibility as a sahm is to look after the kids, if the house work gets done, then great! If not, tough. Dh and I do it together when he gets home and the kids are in bed.

ayeokthen Mon 05-Sep-16 19:17:27

OP, I usually keep a lovely house, because when the kids are at school/nursery I get a couple of hours to do it all. You've just had a baby, it's the summer holidays and he's being a dick. My house was a bomb site for most of the summer as I had no time to do anything major housework wise, just keeping on top of the basics.

Crisscrosscranky Mon 05-Sep-16 19:17:36

It sounds like there's more to it than 1 chore.

And no, looking after your own children is not a job. Being a SAHP is a lifestyle choice - not a job. The only people who think is are SAHPs.

midcenturymodern Mon 05-Sep-16 19:17:40

My course of action would be to put in place plans to become financially independent and then leave. The moral high ground would probably be to leave, and then find work etc rather than 'string him along' but it's really hard to get back into the workplace as a lone parent who has spent x amount of time as a 'fucking housewife' and I would have no qualms about being financially supported while getting my ducks in a row. He can only provide for you because you are doing all the caring work for free.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Mon 05-Sep-16 19:18:49

I think if you have 3 kids and the youngest is only 10 weeks old, your job is to look after them.

Not to wash another grown adult's clothing because he is too lazy to do it himself.

In answer to what to do I'm not sure - I am a sahm and do wash all of dh's clothes, but he has never spoken to me like that and has often thanked me because he knows he is disorganised and feckless and that doing this is a big help to him.

In the short term I think I'd throw freezing cold water all over him when I was up with the baby in the middle of the night, and then explain when I had his full attention that the job of a sahm is to parent the children, not the other adult.
In the long term, if he really thinks it is ok to treat you like this, and doesn't apologise and acknowledge he is out of order, I'd be planning to leave no matter how long it would take.

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 05-Sep-16 19:19:53

I'd be questioning how I'd let myself have 3 children with someone who treated me like shite and working out how to end the relationship.

hownottofuckup Mon 05-Sep-16 19:20:06

I wonder how much he's manage to provide if he didn't have you providing all the childcare.
He sounds like a cunt.

Shadow1986 Mon 05-Sep-16 19:20:20

Crisscross I just said its one chore - putting his clothes away. And helping with the kids.

MoMandaS Mon 05-Sep-16 19:22:17

What mid said. He clearly has no respect for you or the job you do (and yes, criss, her job is looking after her children who are at home).

Mybugslife Mon 05-Sep-16 19:22:45

It's certainly not only SAHP that think it's a job...I work and I believe being a SAHP is a job!
He's not a child. He's capable of putting some washing away...she's his wife not his servant!

JessicasCrocodile Mon 05-Sep-16 19:25:00

Looking after children is a full time job. Ask anyone who works in a nursery school! Any chores you manage to get done whilst looking after children are a bonus. You are a stay at home parent, not a housewife.

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