To be holding back the tears at work already

[desperate16]

I start nightshift at 7pm om a hospital ward, finish at 7.15am. Work with perfectly pleasant colleagues (tonight anyway) and nightshift conditions aren't bad - 3 breaks, 1 twenty minutes and 2 forty five minutes. Patients all semi independant for once.

But I'm sitting biting my tongue and wanting to leave. I am feeling ill, but have been told if I take one more sick day I will get a formal warning and will seriously struggle to get employment in the future :(

There are colleagues who are nasty to me. I get sore with my shifts. I struggle with the 12 hours. And my boss has been off on secondment for a long time, she's coming back soon and she used to be horrible to me. I'm bloody petrified of her and don't want to work with her :(

Woke up vomiting but just carried on. Managed to eat a little bit and kept lucozade down.

I tried phoning my mum and started crying :( she's disabled and I always worry about her.

And I haven't even started work yet :(

Doctors won't sign me off as said if they do they dont think I would go back.

What the hell do I do? Last nightshift I did - 3 weeks ago - I paced around and around the grounds on my break trying to persuade myself to walk back in.

[HackAttack]

Find some work to do? Focus your mind?

[Lilaclily]

I think to get through tonight I'd pretend I was in a show and put on a fake cheery voice and pretend to be okay

But longer term you are clearly unhappy in this job , or even line of work ? Could you look at other options ?

[swisschocolate]

You have access to mumsnet from work on a hospital ward?

[ilovesooty]

She hadn't started work when she posted.

[Lilaclily]

She started at 7pm, posted at 18.53

[soopafruit]

Long term solution, could you look for other work? You sound bitterly unhappy which is crap

[swisschocolate]

Then no point posting replies until 7am

[ilovesooty]

She has breaks. Did you bother to read the OP?

[Mishegoss]

Just stay busy. Maintain professional relationships but there's no need to talk to colleagues any more than is necessary. Focus on the patients and getting to each break.
My mum works on a busy ward and she's lucky to get one break, she often doesn't and has been in tears after shifts. It's just about getting through it some nights.

[anyname123]

What is it that you hate about your job so much? Without trying to be mean it sounds pretty good compared to most wards (breaks, semi independent patients etc). If you don't want to do 12 hour shifts anymore then you need to apply for a different job. If you have an illness or disability that makes the work unmanageable then speak to Occupational Health. If your boss is a bully then speak to her manager. You need to take ownership of this situation, it's unfair on your patients if your mind isn't on the job.

[TheLaundryLady]

Have you spoken to somebody you trust about how you are feeling ? Maybe your matron or other senior nursing colleague. You can refer yourself to your Occupational health department too. Most hospitals have a counselling service that staff can access too - does yours have that?
Is it the particular ward that causes you this anxiety? Is it the night shifts ? Have you explored the possibility of moving areas?

[AnthonyPandy]

Are you a nurse or care assistant?

If nurse, can you afford to resign and do bank work?

If care ass., there are plenty of jobs going in home care, even if it's not your ideal job it would keep you going for a while.

And if you are a nurse, could you do homecare? While still on the nurse register?

There are options, you can't be in tears at the thought of work, that's not right.

[bakingaddict]

Are you a nurse or a health care assistant. I'm a HCP and was stuck for many years in a job I hated were I was demoralised and getting bullied. Finally I plucked up the courage to leave and did locum/agency work for 12 months. Worked in lots of hospitals were the people were actually nice and got some new skills. 12 months later I secured a permanent senior role and I've never looked back. I only wish I'd left years before and did agency work as a temporary buffer but that's hindsight. I'd seriously recommend resigning and signing on with an agency

[ohfourfoxache]

Right, you can do this. I promise you can. I've been there- also NHS but management/admin. Last acute post I was in I was hated by the entire clinical team and their bitch of a lapdog who constantly criticised and undermined and tried to get me in shit.

It is the worst feeling in the world, not wanting to go into work.

The power is in your hands. There are so many job adverts out there for ward staff, the world is genuinely your oyster.

Have you considered agency? Or getting out of the NHS altogether?

Also don't discount CCGs - bloody hard work but totally different to be away from the front line.

Don't be put off applying because of your sickness record - I was off for 6 months with a broken back, decent teams/employers understand.

[bonnie1981]

Do you have a health condition that makes you take sick days or do you just take days off when you feel a bit unwell?

If you have a health condition then they should not be threatening you with being unemployable.

Instead of taking sick days, why not seek counselling? And find another job.

[Polarbearflavour]

I used to be a nurse - bloody hated nightshifts. There is no point in your job making you sick. Can you move to somewhere like Outpatients?

Not sure if you are a HCA or RN. If you are a HCA would you think about moving to be an OT/physio assistant or assistant practitioner? I have always found nursing/wards to be quite bitchy and other healthcare professionals to be somewhat nicer - maybe that's just me.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

I mean this in the nicest possible way, and I could be 100% wrong, but. I don't think you've been sick. I'm not saying you've made it up, but. I believe you've mistaken nerves and anxiety for sickness.
What your colleagues are doing Is bullying. I'm not surprised you're taking days off.
Please speak to HR and ACAS.
Oh and BTW, Bonnie. I get your advice is well intended, but. Finding another job is easier said than done.

[LanaorAna1]

How much time have you taken off sick? The NHS is comedy lenient about this compared to standard employers, so if they're raising an eyebrow you need to pay attention.

If you can eat fine and are drinking Lucozade, you're not very ill physically, but it sounds like you need a different job. And a health check.

[tupperwareAARGGH]

I felt like you so I left and as soon as I made that decision to leave my mood lifted massively.

I started new job today so only an induction day but feel so much happier and think it is the best decision I ever made. No more 12.5 hour shifts that destroy you for me.

Look at other jobs as life is too short. There are plenty of jobs out there at the moment as the country as a whole is short staffed of nurses.

[PovertyPain]

Swiss, you've the kind attitude that causes people to hate their work.

[MammouthTask]

All the symptoms you are getting are due to stress, stress from the job you are currently doing.

Several options there for you (in the medium/long term)

• look for a nother job as a nurse
  
• retrain/find a completely different job you will like
  
• start working for a temp agency (so never the same department/people and you can 'choose' what you do)
  

Short term, tonight, remember that the night will end and will soon be back home. Avoid not so nice colleagues and stay with the nice ones if you can.
Keep busy.

[Howlongtilldinner]

You will certainly be off sick if you carry on in that job! I hope you are in a position to find something else. Nobody should feel that way going to work, but I'm not surprised, I've seen enough bitchy behaviour on wards where I've worked.

My DD has just qualified as a nurse, one of her placements almost drove her to throw in the towel, it's disgraceful, all too common I'm afraid.

Good luck OP

[Pikawhoo]

Do you have a chronic health condition and take unusual amounts of sick leave for that reason? Or is it just normal amounts of time off sick?

It really sounds like you need to find another job.

Would you feel happy about doing the same kind of work, providing it was in a nicer environment with a supportive manager? Or is it the type of work generally?

[Pikawhoo]

I can honestly say I've never regretted leaving a job where I was unhappy on a long-term basis. The alternative (though possibly scary and unknown at the time) always turned out to be a million times better.

Courage!

[Floggingmolly]

Do you have mental health problems, op? The GP claiming that if you were signed off sick you wouldn't go back at all hints at a massive back story; far bigger than just feeling temporarily ill enough not to want to do a night shift?