to dislike FB with a passion - I know another FB thread!

(47 Posts)
Margo3791 Mon 05-Sep-16 17:43:04

I haven't had very good experiences on FB. I'm an adult woman and it has really knocked my self esteem. I feel really stupid to even admit this, but it really hit on social insecurities and feelings of not belonging.

I had a very unstable childhood and adolescence so making friends was always a bit tricky. It was not until uni that I managed to keep a group of friends for a longer period of time. However, I emigrated soon afterwards so the contact became more difficult, even though we live in the era of instant communications.

My family is also very fractured so I never felt too comfortable to have certain cousins or be contacted by my in laws or other family members.

Anyway, when my birthdays came, I would get one or two birthday wishes whereas I had to see how other people got hundreds! Even from people who were "in the real world" closer to me than to them. Even some of my friends would wish my partner happy birthday on FB and not me!

I know this all sounds so ridiculous on paper but I kept asking why. Why couldn't/wouldn't my so called friends show more love and affection towards me on that site? I even had a couple of people never accepting my friends' requests!

As it was getting excruciatingly painful to feel so ignored and disengaged from it all, I finally deleted my account.

Only about one or two people of the hundreds in there emailed me to keep in touch. Others, I kept in touch because I see in real life.

It really made me question the quality of my so called friends. Something I never thought I had to question. I felt so hurt and ignored but also so stupid for caring about my image on social media.

Whenever I see other friends showing me stuff on FB, I feel so down. It's like I couldn't even keep up the whole "happy show" going. It was so painful to see I had to go.

Has anybody felt this way about FB?

Disabrie22 Mon 05-Sep-16 17:48:25

Yes in my experience it's just consciously or unconsciously communicating lies - if you talk to people sometimes they tell you what was really happening behind a photo - and you wonder why they posted it?? It's human behaviour to need to feel in the "pack" and fbook makes you constantly draw comparisons with what you do and don't have. It's not for the vulnerable.

Disabrie22 Mon 05-Sep-16 17:49:35

I have quite a lot of things in common with you and I know what you mean about the "happy show" - but it's not a weakness not to want to drop a mask.

Disabrie22 Mon 05-Sep-16 17:50:23

I mean - not a weakness to WANT to drop a mask - in your case - who wants to keep pretending?

HereIAm20 Mon 05-Sep-16 17:51:43

Just want to check that you have filled in your birthdate in the details section because that may be why people don't have a reminder come up that it is your birthday especially if they wish you partner a happy birthday.

MetalPetal86 Mon 05-Sep-16 17:53:17

I was thinking exactly the same the other day.

Nearly every time I go on Facebook I feel upset. It's strange because people I know quite well in real life tell me they hardly ever go out/need more friends yet they seem to be constantly socialising (when I don't very much).

People also seem to be having wonderful times with family when mine seem to always be arguing.

I 've had people I friending me when they friended me in the first place.

Often see friends out doing things that I haven't been invited to. You get the picture. It's a pretty superficial place.

Like you, I'm thinking about coming off it completely but I will lose touch with some old friends whom I have no other way of contacting so I'm not sure

fuckingbusyorviceversa Mon 05-Sep-16 17:53:21

I totally empathise Margo3791 flowers

MetalPetal86 Mon 05-Sep-16 17:54:16

Unfriending me when they... (Autocorrect fail)

PepsiPenguin Mon 05-Sep-16 17:56:45

I deleted my account nearly a year ago now, best thing ever 😊

I hated all those annoying memes, the fake "friendships" the complaining, the over enthusiastic celebrating, the PA bitching, the here is my child smiling isn't he/she clever blah blah blah.

What I will say though is, FB seems to me to be one of those things you have to put into to get stuff out of, and if your never on it you disappear from people's radar.

Nobody even noticed i didn't have it anymore 😊

greedygorb Mon 05-Sep-16 18:04:01

It's something you have to use or you don't get anything out of it. I used to hate it and use it just for keeping in touch. Now I find since I start posting stuff every so often- like twice a week or so and liking a few more things I get much more out of it. It's the quality of your posts that gets likes.

I usually post funny stuff I've seen or share stuff from other sites. Nothing with me doing AMAZING things because mostly I don't and that's reserved for the needy and we all can recognise them on fb. I have 80 or so 'friends'- I don't go looking for people. I don't care if my bff has 600 friends because if I post something funny it'll still get more likes than his latest boast post.

Mummaaaaaah Mon 05-Sep-16 18:05:13

Just to add that people will only be able to see what you have got going on on FB if you engage wig what they're saying. So if you are the FB equivalent of a lurker, you will just drop out of people's feeds. Could that have been it? flowers

Margo3791 Mon 05-Sep-16 18:07:01

Thank you so much everybody for your posts. It has really made feel less lonely in my feelings.

FB is all pretense and masks but I really admire and envy the resilience of most people to put up with it. It made me feel truly awful.

Like a pp said, not for the vulnerable. When you've lived all your life with so much dysfunctionality on all fronts, you undoubtedly become a bit vulnerable.

Thank you so much for your honest replies!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Mon 05-Sep-16 18:08:07

It's not compulsory - I use it a lot and enjoy it but recognise that it isn't for everyone.

I have met some great people on there but don't kid myself that it's all total truth.

Dontwantanicknamethanks Mon 05-Sep-16 18:08:46

Urgh, don't get me started on FB. Honestly, it is full of so much bullshit, you're reading way too much into it. I'm only on it because my husband likes to spy on people without getting his name involved.... I've seen so much crap on it, I feel embarrassed for the people who put their meals on it (why the fuck would you do that?) constantly update their profile pic, stick in X-ray pics, etc it just screams 'needy' to me. And actually, those people I know in real life who are very active on Fb are some of the bigger attention seekers and self absorbed characters (that I don't have much time for). So don't dwell on it, it's all a con!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Mon 05-Sep-16 18:10:48

I suffer from depression and anxiety and it has actually helped me, I have never met most of the people I'm 'friends' with but I have a lot of fun on there. I am in various groups to do with some of my interests so it's quite nice interacting with like minded people.

As with all social media, it depends on who you interact with. I delete any vague bookers, racists etc and just keep the nice ones!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Mon 05-Sep-16 18:12:05

Dontwant Your husband got you to set up a profile so he can spy on people? Wow. That's just odd.

Margo3791 Mon 05-Sep-16 18:17:13

Livia, it's interesting what you said. I've suffered from depression and anxiety too but FB made it worse.

If you know people in RL and you like them and suddenly you see them behaving like idiots or narcissists on FB, that's quite a lot to take.

Also, when you see your own friends in RL paying attention to people they hardly know and ignoring you, that's a bit harsh too.

I know I was probably reading too much into it, but I can't deny the effect it had on me.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Mon 05-Sep-16 18:18:37

I think it's easier not knowing your FB friends in RL - no illusions and a healthy dose of cynicism!

Lizmay12 Mon 05-Sep-16 18:20:24

I deleted my account 4 years ago because it was fake and I found myself wasting time reading absolute shit.

I can say who my real friends are because they will actually come to see me! But out of the 599 Facebook 'friends' people have who could they really rely on for support/help etc?

The only thing that bugs me is when you meet somebody new, it usually goes
New person: I'll add you on Facebook smile
Me: I'm not on Facebook
New person: WHAT?! Really (in total disbelief and shock) ok then...
i can see the shocked faces of others who overheard my shocking confession

Conversation over.

Myusernameismyusername Mon 05-Sep-16 18:23:15

You aren't alone. I have a tiny number of real friends and relatives I like. No one else. People I would speak to in the street. Therefore now my FB is a much nicer place to be. I only really use it to share photos with people who do not live near me and keep in touch. I also do like to see their children grow up.
But I have gone through difficult times where deleting it was easier. Also I took off my birthday so I didn't feel like that anymore

Margo3791 Mon 05-Sep-16 18:23:59

Lizmay, I see where you are coming from. It's the same here. The other day I had a new friend asking me to create a FB account to see all the millions of photos she had on FB confused

I said I didn't like social media and that I wanted to simplify my life and keep it real, but she looked at me as if I were some sort of weird scrooge who cannot enjoy other people's millions of hols pics.

Margo3791 Mon 05-Sep-16 18:26:28

Myusername, that's good way to manage the overwhelming flow of interactions and people.

Lizmay12 Mon 05-Sep-16 18:29:10

I think people just don't understand how you can function without being part of social media.
Yes I'm totally aware that I usually feel a bit left out at work as they all discuss Facebook related drama that's been going on and I don't know what they are on about.

But the best is on a Monday morning! my work mates already know each other's business because of Facebook and they actually look forward to hearing what I've been up to. Nobody knows anything about me so they actually have to ask grin

ThePhantomKnickerSniffer Mon 05-Sep-16 18:30:45

i think it has its good points but overall its quite toxic

yet i cant stay away from the place as i feel i am missing out if i do!

I de activate from time to time and have a break

woowoowoo Mon 05-Sep-16 18:33:41

I'm with you 100% OP.

I deleted my FB a few months ago as I was sick of all the bullshut, bragging and neediness.

I too suffer anxiety and depression. When my moods take a real nosedive, I find FB gets to me more then it should do. I end up comparing my life to other people's and think I'm a failure. Deep down, I know it is all utter bollocks. People only show off the good stuff in their lives, like the holidays and the nights out. They don't tell you about the huge row with their husand and that they feel like getting divorced or that they can't cope with their kids. However, when depressed, you don't think rationally.

I feel a lot better since coming off FB and don't miss it at all. I just have an anonymous profile on there for managing my business page and for keeping up with various craft interests of mine. I don't have any real friends on it. I don't miss it at all.

You are it alone OP. FB is not for those who are vulnerable.

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