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WIBU to tell exes partner to take a leap?

(127 Posts)
BettyBetts Mon 05-Sep-16 12:44:07

Okay, so haven't quite got over it and neither my Sister nor Best friend will answer their phones..
I've just received a judge text from my exes partner of 2 years after a fall out about me being busy with work this week and not being able to take care of our 4 YO daughter today. I'm a sole trader and make at least 20% of my wages during these 2 weeks, they are an anomaly and allow me very quiet periods where I am constantly available for my children.. She 😏 (Who is actually usually very nice and helpful if I'm honest) is a part time hairdresser with 4 children from a previous marriage. Anyway, the message reads..
You say your working all hours for your children's future, money isn't everything, your children are only young once and you are missing out on so much and it's obviously effecting them. My 1st priority will always be my children and Your daughter. I work enough so that i can pay the bills and have a little left over to have days out. The children will remember me collecting them from school, taking them to activities and days out , not the amount of money I earned and that I worked all hours and they where stuck in kids club.

Erm, excuse me but wtf? He pays a measly £36 a week in child support, (not without a chase), I literally work most evenings while they are in bed so that I'm free during more weekdays and have literally just been working my arse off to buy a house in the best area for her to start school this week. Anyway, this was my reply..
Wait a minute, who the fuck are you to judge me? You don't work enough to pay your bills at all. Luckily for you, the government can afford to pay your rent etc because people like me put more into the pot than we take out to afford women like you to have the luxury of working part time snipping hair and living in big houses with time on their hands to point out what other mothers are doing wrong. You may have helped me and mark out here and there, but let me be clear, what I decide is best for DD has NOTHING to do with you. You have no idea what I am doing and sacrificing for my children's future and I spend more time with both of them than you or ExH. I don't feel the need to start explaining to you how I organise my routine so that they have the best of all worlds. How fucking dare you? Jump back on your high horse and fuck off

I accept that I should have maybe had a cup of tea and responded less swearily, but am I correct in thinking that she had no right and that we aren't mates anymore?

amusedbush Mon 05-Sep-16 12:47:37

You've included your DD's and your ex's name so this thread is very identifiable.

I agree with you though, that message was beyond rude and uncalled for.

Gazelda Mon 05-Sep-16 12:47:59

she's a judgy mare and has no right to stick her oar in.
But your text will only amplify the row. You would have been better to simply say that you will make childcare arrangements directly with Mark in future.

milkyface Mon 05-Sep-16 12:50:29

I think you're both as bad as each other.

You should have ignored her. There was no need for her text and even less need for that reply.

Maybe you shouldn't communicate with her and communicate with your ex instead.

allsfairinlove Mon 05-Sep-16 12:51:37


RunningLulu Mon 05-Sep-16 12:54:27

YANBU. She has no right to judge you when your partner isn't pulling his weight.

RunningLulu Mon 05-Sep-16 12:54:43

Her partner lol

flanjabelle Mon 05-Sep-16 12:57:47

Yanbu. I would have done the same, if not worse at that shitty judgemental text message. She should fuck right off indeed.

Waitingfordolly Mon 05-Sep-16 12:58:46

YANBU. It's not her business.

Though the reply was perhaps a bit hasty!

witsender Mon 05-Sep-16 13:03:20

I think you would have been better off saying "given that Mark only pays the bare minimum every month it is imperative that I step up to ensure their future. As their parents he and I will co-ordinate their childcare, as we do the other 50 weeks of the year."

But hey, she sounds like a cow.

GingerbreadGingerbread Mon 05-Sep-16 13:03:48

I agree with you to be honest she needed telling. I'm angry on your behalf at her text to you, what a joke! Did she reply?

MrsBrent Mon 05-Sep-16 13:04:07

Your reply was fantastic, she has no right to say that to you. but it will probably all kick off now! So a cuppa and think might have been wise before pressing send!
Have you heard from your ex?

coconutpie Mon 05-Sep-16 13:06:42

YANBU. She sounds awful, how dare she!

I've reported your and Gazelda's posts as they have the names included in case you want it to be less identifiable ...

BettyBetts Mon 05-Sep-16 13:13:05

Thank you, I didn't even think about the names. I'll try to edit them out while I have a cup of tea!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Mon 05-Sep-16 13:22:49

YANBU. I'd have just sent the last sentence though (diplomacy is not my strong point).

ImperialBlether Mon 05-Sep-16 13:23:31

Was she having to look after your child while you worked?

Stillunexpected Mon 05-Sep-16 13:24:15

Just FYI, you can't edit posts on here, if you report the post to MN they will edit it for you.

sportinguista Mon 05-Sep-16 13:25:54

I'm a sole trader, but not a lone parent but I find equally I have to have support during my busy times, since my DH works it can't be him always (although he does a lot). So I have to use clubs etc during the holidays. I've had judgey comments from some mums who either don't work/part time work. Usually along the lines of "why don't you just claim tax credits etc". It quite misses the point that you work to give your children the best possible outcome and are a productive member of society and quite possibly you like me enjoy your work. Your ex should certainly be stepping up more financially, it's not cheap to raise a child. He should also be having a chat with his partner about 'walking a mile in someone elses shoes' before she pipes up with her 'advice'.

I have a DSS and would never dream of questioning the decisions that his mum makes in the running of their household.

JudyCoolibar Mon 05-Sep-16 13:26:18

I'd be tempted to reply "Of course I'd like to be able to work less and spend more time with the children. No doubt you'll support me in telling ex to pay £100 a week maintenance for his children to enable me to do that."

BitOutOfPractice Mon 05-Sep-16 13:26:53

Her text was nasty and uncalled for.

Yours, tbh, wasn't much better in the judgey stakes

All you've done is inflame the situation and probably given her a hell of satisfaction of getting the rise out of you

I think you need to calm down and remember, the best answer is no answer

BettyBetts Mon 05-Sep-16 13:29:12

Hi, She does have her today. I didn't realise this until she sent The Text. I offered to pay to put her into nursery for the day this morning, but ever the martyr told me I was an unfit mother and he was taking the day off work to take her out for the day. It seems that he had no idea that she was going to stick her oar in.. Although usually she is the most reasonable of the two so I don't mind talking to her.. Usually.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 05-Sep-16 13:29:15

YWBU - to have not blasted her about your ex's minimal child support while you were at it. Otherwise, YWNBU.

KayTee87 Mon 05-Sep-16 13:31:58

I'd send another text asking if she thinks the £35 per week child support her partner sends actually covers the cost of anything.

BettyBetts Mon 05-Sep-16 13:34:19

Fair one milkface, I wish that perhaps I had been a little cooler about it.. Even if I could ignore it.

BettyBetts Mon 05-Sep-16 13:37:50

No, it's been quiet on all fronts.. im looking forward to a message saying something along the lines of, 'you wait'... For him to lose enough weight to be able to move fast enough to be a threat? For him to not be a W⚓️? I've been waiting for 3 years, I have no idea what I'm waiting for..

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