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Friend burned the bridge. AIBU to not send a boat?

(231 Posts)
MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity Mon 05-Sep-16 00:20:46

I had a friend from age 10 to around 27. We were the best of friends. Closer than sisters. I moved almost 200 miles away as an adult and kept in touch through phone calls and occasional visits. She had a child then I had one. We talked often (about her child and mine) and about our daily lives, pets, parents, partners, work etc...
After a while she stopped taking most of my calls (pressing reject) or getting someone to say she wasn't in. Texts and emails dwindled. I tried to find out what I had done to no avail. All contact ceased. I was hurt.

A few years later I got a grovelling text saying how she was sorry and understood if I didn't want to speak to her again. My reply asked why she cut off contact. Her answer threw me. "She didn't want to talk about kids"
I get it, all I had in my life was my kids but conversations from her were about her kid too and she couldn't have just said? Or changed the subject (though children were NOT all we ever talked about anyway!) So I apologised and we began talking again, with me trying to hardly mention anyone's children. After about a month it all stopped again! Contact dwindled to no replies at all. So I said, "Screw it"

Until 7 months later I got ANOTHER text! So, offering an olive branch I replied.... Only for her to never reply again.

Now 5 years later I've had a grovelling message AGAIN. And a family member received one too asking them to get me to hear her out. What do I do? AIBU to just leave that message and any subsequent messages sitting in that little Message requests folder forever? angry

norabattyapparently Mon 05-Sep-16 00:24:45

Leave the bitch to it - she sounds like a weird little madam! hmm

Amandahugandkisses Mon 05-Sep-16 00:25:58

You do not respond. smile

Blueemeraldagain Mon 05-Sep-16 00:27:51

My curiosity would make me hear her out but the friendship would be long, long gone.

SusanneLinder Mon 05-Sep-16 00:28:43

Tell her to do one

allsfairinlove Mon 05-Sep-16 00:28:46

Leave it. She sounds like hard work.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain Mon 05-Sep-16 00:29:10

Wow she sounds awful. Just ignore her. flowers

KC225 Mon 05-Sep-16 00:29:50

She sounds flakey. Does she really have it in her to conduct a long distance friendship? Because it seems like she has a melancholy attack. Remembers the good old days, gets in touch but to go awol again. What is different this time? Do it if you want to but be guarded.

MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity Mon 05-Sep-16 00:29:53

Admittedly I am rather curious to see how she would try to apologise/explain herself.

But I'm trying to overcome my curiosity. I don't think I could face it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 05-Sep-16 00:30:11

I don't know what to advise really. There's no doubt it must have taken her a lot of courage to get back in touch, and. As you were close friends. I suppose it's worth mending. However you don't want to be treading on egg shells either and watching what you talk about

OrsonWellsHat Mon 05-Sep-16 00:30:26

I wouldn't bother, as you say she's burnt her bridges. No one needs that shit in their lives.

Arfarfanarf Mon 05-Sep-16 00:33:14

I think you've sent enough boats.
At this point its like she's just seeing how many times you'll come when she whistles.

MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity Mon 05-Sep-16 00:33:54

Our other best friend of the trio lives in a far eastern country now so long distance friendships seem to work for her with that one. I guess it's just me.

I have distanced myself from trio friend too as I know she must have known why I was being ignored but never said, no matter how many times I asked her if friend #1 was okay and what had I done to cause offence?

GiddyOnZackHunt Mon 05-Sep-16 00:39:18

I have to say I would be curios to hear it but I would keep your response very neutral and limit your own expectations.
Be a spectator rather than a participant.

EverySongbirdSays Mon 05-Sep-16 00:40:57

I'd be nosey enough to want to hear her out, but not to reinstate the friendship unless there were serious things I didn't know about

DoJo Mon 05-Sep-16 00:42:04

I think curiosity would get the better of me, but hearing her out doesn't mean you have to forgive her. I think, in your shoes, I would want to have the chance to tell her how shabbily she has treated you and explain why you aren't interested in h giving her another chance.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity Mon 05-Sep-16 00:42:55

OP ignore. What does she bring to you? Life's too short.

TendonQueen Mon 05-Sep-16 00:46:11

Ignore. Sending a text is too easy to do but then not follow through on, as you've already seen. I would leave her to realise this is not enough.

AcrossthePond55 Mon 05-Sep-16 00:46:51

Do you think there's a possibility that something really terrible has been going on in her life for some time that has made your ordinary but happy life intolerable to hear about when whatever that is raises its ugly head?

I think I'd reply "I'll listen but make no promises. But I want you to know that if you do this again, there will not be another chance".

That puts the ball straight back in her court with a hard warning.

MommaGee Mon 05-Sep-16 00:47:12

I'm nosey, i'd bite but be wary of more

Ginkypig Mon 05-Sep-16 00:48:56

I'm in the curiosity camp too if it were me I'd hear what she had to say then tell her I'm worth more than to be treated so badly and never contact me again! but its not me so I won't say that to you.

The friendship is dead she has blown it not once but three times so she can grovel all she wants but don't give her another chance to hurt you.

LittlePaintBox Mon 05-Sep-16 00:49:20

The relationship is obviously over as a functioning friendship. Personally, after being messed around before I'd ignore the message.

citychick Mon 05-Sep-16 00:52:12

Yes, I'd be curious too. Just to hear what she had to say for herself.
However, I agree, you have sent out the olive branches but she clearly has form for letting you down each time.

After all this time, I'd be telling her to stop.

You have moved on.

iminshock Mon 05-Sep-16 00:54:51

I'd graciously accept her olive branch.
And I am disgusted at those calling her a bitch

ChrissieLatham Mon 05-Sep-16 00:58:38

I'd listen to what she says to you and then not reply to it. See how she likes it!

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