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To think this was rude?

(30 Posts)
Blup Sun 04-Sep-16 19:31:43

DS recently had a birthday, and my sister offered to host the party (we were getting work done on the house, and my sister has a big garden with enough space). Invited both sides of the family, so my parents and DHs parents and siblings. They've all met before, but don't know each other all that well. However, my sister does a similar job to 2 of DH'S sisters, so they have that in common.

Anyway, party rolls round, we all get to my sister's house. ILs barely spoke to my sister the whole time. They just stuck together in a little group. My parents and sister all tried to chat, but were pretty much shut down. Then SIL happened to go into the kitchen and did get talking to my sister. They chatted for 20 minutes or so. But then SIL went out, rejoined her siblings, and said "There, I've done my bit, I talked to one them. It's someone else's turn now.". She didn't realise I overheard.

I thought this was really rude, but when I mentioned it to DH just laughed and said "Yeah, we don't like talking to people". These siblings are in their 30's, so not teenagers who might be shy. I was quite annoyed, as it felt like she was sneering at my sister and almost making fun of her by pretending to have a conversation that actually she didn't care about.

Would you think this was rude?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 04-Sep-16 19:33:17

Arseholes. They are entitled to think what they want want but very rude to manifest it like that!

ImperialBlether Sun 04-Sep-16 19:33:24

That's really bad manners. Are they very cliquey normally? How would they have behaved with both sides of the family in your house?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 04-Sep-16 19:33:55

I would be making some snidey remarks next time I see them.

bestcatintheworld Sun 04-Sep-16 19:35:41

Vile behaviour

acornsandnuts Sun 04-Sep-16 19:36:04

Very rude but sounds like our family gatherings.

I've given up and host two parties.

Blueshoessingloose Sun 04-Sep-16 19:36:17

Obnoxious and anti social.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 04-Sep-16 19:37:03

Would make me wonder what was being said about me being back....

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 04-Sep-16 19:37:10

Very rude. Even though it was a mistake that you overheard. Don't think I'd mx the families again.

longdiling Sun 04-Sep-16 19:39:10

Very rude. And they've shot themselves in the foot big time, because surely you won't invite them to something like this again? If questioned why it's only your family invited you can cheerily tell them what you overheard and that you didn't want to burden them with your family's company again. The arseholes.

Yorkieheaven Sun 04-Sep-16 19:39:10

Horrible people. I would tell your dh he can go see then by himself from now on and don't bother with them.

Tell him you overheard her rude remark and wan an apology too. What a bitch.

Mybugslife Sun 04-Sep-16 19:39:16

Id say something!! My family aren't the type of family that have the confidence to chat to anyone but we've always always made the effort and will chat to each other's side of the families wether we feel comfortable doing so or not. That's nasty behaviour! And very ungrateful X

BolshierAryaStark Sun 04-Sep-16 19:40:34

They sound delightful, wondee what they say about you?
I'd be having a word with DH about laughing it off too, not acceptable behaviour from adults really

Cabrinha Sun 04-Sep-16 19:41:34

You weren't meant to hear (she should have been more careful though!) but I think it's interesting that your own husband said that they as a family don't mix.

If they're snobby twats then they're rude. But if they're very insular people who don't mix well and it was a strain for her and it was lighthearted... well, I know I've said things I wouldn't want overheard!

How offended I felt would depend on the full background.

I would be annoyed though, so I'm not you're U!

Witchend Sun 04-Sep-16 19:42:57

I would take what she said totally the other way. I'd read it as a passive aggressive way of calling out the other family members for not trying.

Blup Sun 04-Sep-16 19:45:30

Mybugslife, that's the thing, my family are all actually quite shy and quiet, but we have the manners to make an effort find common ground with people. We wouldn't then go boasting to each other that we'd made the effort.

They are generally very cliquey, yes. In fact, the other option for the party was to have it at MILs, but I knew they'd just completely take over and my side wouldn't get a look in.

Unfortunately, if I didn't invite them to the party, DH would go nuts, and would organise a separate gathering for them, which would be designed to make my side's party look rubbish.

GeneralBobbit Sun 04-Sep-16 19:48:23

Yuk if your DH is the same.

Sounds like they all have a right superiority complex. And not normal introversion.

Cary2012 Sun 04-Sep-16 19:49:07

Your family have manners, his unfortunately don't! I hope your apple fell a long way from the tree OP!

I think you have every right to be peed off

Blup Sun 04-Sep-16 19:49:59

Witches, you might be right, but it didn't really sound like that. Especially as she referred to my sister as "one of them". This has reminded me of one evening when we were all at MIL's, and a neighbour called in with a parcel. They'd known him as children and gone to school with him, so MIL invited him in for a cup of tea. They barely spoke to him. One of them sat on her phone the whole time; I tried to make conversation but then another of them laughed at me across the room for asking a stupid question (it was a stupid question, in fairness, but I was getting desperate). He drank his tea as quickly as possible and left.

They then turned to MIL and said "Why did you invite him in? We don't want to have to talk to people!"

Blup Sun 04-Sep-16 19:51:36

Bobbit, thankfully DH is much more polite. He's probably the shyest of all of them, but is good at making an effort to include everyone. I think he gets embarrassed his siblings a lot of the time, but in this case he wasn't too bothered.

TheWitTank Sun 04-Sep-16 19:52:16

They were dicks and very rude. No more invites for them! I would get you very kind sister a big bunch of flowers.

ENormaSnob Sun 04-Sep-16 19:56:34

Rude fuckers.

Inc your husband.

RunningLulu Sun 04-Sep-16 20:00:07

So rude. Don't invite them to anything ever again.

Blup Sun 04-Sep-16 20:02:05

Wit, don't worry, we got her a nice spa voucher thing for hosting (which she loves)! I can't not invite them in future, though, that's the thing. They claim to be a really close family, and always make a big deal out of birthdays etc, so if they didn't get invited all hell would break loose.

To be honest, I think DH is beginning to realise that they're not nice people, but he's kind of trapped by them too. If he tried to stand up to them they'd beat him down, and he's not ready for that.

EttaJ Sun 04-Sep-16 20:03:06

Incredibly rude and you should have called her on it, discreetly maybe. I too would be pissed off.

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