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To think some people just aren't suited or able to hold down a full time job?

(178 Posts)
differentstrokes16 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:20:09

I'm one of those people, sadly. Unemployable in terms of not able to last in a full time job. I have an autoimmune disorder, chronic fatigue and mental health issues. I work for myself now, take rest when I need to. Lack of adequate rest makes me feel like absolute shit and triggers my anxiety problems, and when prolonged I develop depression. I can't manage the expected hours of a full time job and take care of cooking and basic laundry. I don't even have kids to look after. This all makes me feel unbelievably pathetic.

So I work for myself, but am always skint and running out of savings. I'm at a bit of a loss to know what to do. There must be others in similar situations, who aren't able to work full time? What do they do? What's a good solution?

RunningLulu Sun 04-Sep-16 16:42:05

I have 4 kids, Lupus, a demanding job, and a 4 hour commute. I also have a loving dh who supports me a lot with housework and supportive employers who will let me wfh a day or two per week depending on how I feel. I get that everybody is different & that we all have different pain tolerances, but tbh sometimes I think you just have to get on with it. Telling yourself you can't do something when you've not tried 100% is just setting yourself up for failure.

RunningLulu Sun 04-Sep-16 16:44:40

Sorry just forgot to add the main bit - I think an office type full time job that allows you to wfh 2 days a week is often better than a part time job that needs u in the office full time/to do unpaid overtime.

differentstrokes16 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:46:27

I have tried 100%. Several times. It doesn't work.

I am glad it works for you. However sometimes it is not a case of mind over matter or "just getting on with it".

ProseccoBitch Sun 04-Sep-16 16:47:17

I'm the same but for different reasons, I just can't cope with being told what to do but am also unsuited to a management position (used to have one) as I'm completely unable to delegate and don't think things will be done properly unless I do them myself. I can also be very anxious and anti social sometimes to the point I can hardly bring myself to speak to anyone. Hence I am self employed!

LadyCallandraDaviot Sun 04-Sep-16 16:48:05

My DH has suffered from anxiety and depression for many years. His previous job added to his issues, but after a long break he works part time as a sales assistant, and looks after DS3 before and after school. Some days it gets a bit too much for him, and when I get home from work he needs to recharge by listening to music or spending time alone, but not every day x

ProseccoBitch Sun 04-Sep-16 16:48:08

I'm always skint too, but I'd rather be skint and happy than in a job situation that I hate!

differentstrokes16 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:48:28

Interesting and sad that the first response is basically assuming I haven't tried my best already.

Guess that's easier than addressing the question I actually asked.

TulipsInAJug Sun 04-Sep-16 16:49:05

I agree with you OP. I have low energy levels since having had chronic fatigue (post-glandular fever) 7 years ago. I work almost full time now, but one day is from home, and on other days I can go home early and rest if I have to.

Every year I build up my hours, perhaps some time I will be full-time. I have two young children (6 and 3) and DH works full time but is as supportive as he possibly can be, and when at home does 50 percent of childcare and chores. I see friends' DHs let their wives do the lion's share of domestic work, I couldn't cope if my DH was like that.

LineyReborn Sun 04-Sep-16 16:49:23

I'd ignore that first response, OP.

differentstrokes16 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:49:48

Thank you for the opinions and experiences. It's a tough one.

Fizzer123 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:50:37

I agree with lulu above, I also have an immune disease (crohns) and have worked through some horrible flares, it's tough but I think you do have to force yourself sometimes. Part time hours is great If you can afford to work less, wfh is also great if your employer will allow. If you are Ill the housework is not important , just do the absolute basics & prioritise the key tasks.

differentstrokes16 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:52:00

Yes! I'm hoping so much to very gradually build up and up my energy and stamina too.

Fizzer123 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:52:46

Sorry should have added try not to beat yourself up about housework not completed, it is hard to keep going when you are ill.

starwaiting Sun 04-Sep-16 16:53:01

Are you claiming everything you're entitled to? I have a few different health issues and can only manage part-time work from home but I get the disabled worker/severely disabled element of tax credits. I get PIP enhanced rate as well, and extra elements on my housing/council tax benefit, and I have low transport costs as I mostly use public transport and I get a pass for that. It means I can afford to pay for a cleaner and help with laundry and other household stuff that I can't manage on my own.

I have tried to just get on with it and attempted full-time work in the past, but it led to me having relapses and extended spells in hospital, so realistically it's not an option for everyone.

CrohnicallyAspie Sun 04-Sep-16 16:55:56

I'm autistic, have health conditions including Crohn's, and a 3 year old. I haven't ever worked full time, the most I've done is about 30 hours a week, and since DD was born I dropped to working mornings only.

If I work too much, anxiety and depression kick in worse than usual, I basically can't function other than going to work and back. I used to fall asleep on the sofa as soon as I got home, wake for tea then doze off again until bedtime!

I also struggle with maintaining relationships at work, so working mornings suits me, I can go home and destress before I reach meltdown point. And like a previous poster, I don't like delegating!

harshbuttrue1980 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:57:39

If you upped your hours, you could use some of the extra money to send your laundry out for a service wash or get a cleaner to help with the housework, so you don't have loads of things to focus on at home. I'm not assuming you are rich, as I think a cleaner can be a necessity for people with some health problems rather than the luxury it is for healthy people.

HamSandwichKiller Sun 04-Sep-16 16:57:53

I'm totally healthy but think the world would be far happier with a 4 day week. Not minimising your issues, I really think we should take a look at how some Scandinavian countries work and simply work less, work smarter.

MrsDeVere Sun 04-Sep-16 16:59:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

differentstrokes16 Sun 04-Sep-16 17:00:19

Why can some people not accept that OTHERS CAN'T JUST SUCK IT UP AND DO WHAT THEY CAN DO?

Genuinely don't understand this. It's fascinating how you're choosing to filter out what I'm saying, that I cannot actually do it.

Being tired, stressed and not getting enough rest causes me actual medical problems that make me feel like complete shit - one simple example is my blood sugar will go up to 18, 19, 20. I feel like shit once it goes above 15. It's not a woolly thing of just pushing through it and will be ok. It means bone tired exhaustion, blurred vision, then headaches from looking at a screen trying to work regardless, itching burning skin, raging thrush, nausea and horrific thirst.

Then because I feel so ill, I get very anxious, and if I have no escape and keep trudging in, bingo I get depressed at feeling constantly on the verge of collapse. I am not exaggerating. I'm not making it up.

differentstrokes16 Sun 04-Sep-16 17:01:34

Sorry, thank you to all the people who understand and get it. Had a bit of a rant just now in my last post and cross posted with others.

TulipsInAJug Sun 04-Sep-16 17:01:35

Agree with Ham, we have a culture of long hours and presenteeism in this country which research has shown is actually less productive. So we might well get more done in a 4 day week. And be much happier for it.

RunningLulu Sun 04-Sep-16 17:02:16

I thought you wanted honest answers OP? I'm not going to sugarcoat anything it really is a hard slog (some days I wake up in tears), but I do it to give my family a better life.

differentstrokes16 Sun 04-Sep-16 17:04:27

MrsDeVere, I am so sorry about the loss of your child.

pointythings Sun 04-Sep-16 17:05:23

I am fortunate enough to have my health and be able to work full time, but I have family who have fluctuating conditions and they just cannot do it. They are not lazy, they are not 'just not giving it 100%', they are ill.

We really need to rethink working culture in this country. There is so much emphasis on working all the hours at the expense of health, life and family, if you aren't last out in some jobs you are seen as a slacker - and yet the UK is very far from the most productive country in the world in terms of what its workforce achieves. France has better productivity rates for its workers than the UK...

It is going to take time and a change of thinking, but what we need is a working culture where part time, job-sharing and working from home are considered normal and where work-life balance is thought of as a top priority. Until then people like the OP and the many others on this thread will always struggle sad

OP, you do not need to justify yourself to any fuckwits who have posted on your thread.

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